You've got a real dilemma on your hands there with two incompatible needs. Your options are limited. The obvious ones involve working out which is the greater need (your boyfriend, or your need to explore) and then choosing.
However, there is a compromise (although either you or your boyfriend may not like it). You could experiment together with other people, or you could ask whether you can have an open relationship up until the point you make a greater commitment (such as getting engaged, at which point you close the relationship off again).
Be aware, though, that while leaving your boyfriend and hoping to be reunited has its dangers, having threesomes or an open relationship may also change one or both of you. It might be difficult to revert to monogamy.
Choose wisely. And good luck making that choice. It sounds like you'll need it.
I would love to have an open relationship with him but he's not that type of person. He's a little more conservative than me, that's why when we were just dating he kept asking me to be his gf while I wasn't used to having a bf so I thought dating was enough. But no, he wanted to make sure I was his. I'm going to ask him again what the future holds including if we break up will we get back together. I really want a definite answer.
Keep in mind that there is no definative answer for this question. There's always a risk involved. I think if you want a better chance at keeping him you should try the open relationship dappled mentioned. It's much less offensive than suggesting you break up so that you can go sex up other people.
I was far more conservative than my ex but I wouldn't have thrown the idea out the window because of it. If you do try an open relationship remember to put a massive focus on his enjoyment in it. Make sure its something he can be happy with!
Also, totally normal to wish you met him later in life. Been there myself too and its a really disheartening feeling.
So although you were conservative, you would have chosen an open relationship over breaking up because you didn't wanna lose your ex too? Gah if ya, well I hope my bf would feel the same way cause I don't think he'd wanna lose me either based on what he tells me. So if I gave the ultimatum of having an open relationship and explaining how it would work including your suggestion of focusing on him more or breaking up, I feel that he would choose the open relationship but that's only if he's like you. Otherwise knowin him, he said he wouldn't be able to nurture me and kiss me knowing other guys are doing the same to me so I was like oh....but if I tell him I'd focus on him more idk if that would change his mind.
Its a very sensitive situation. Not everyone can handle an open relationship. They come with a slew of their own problems. Hell, it might even end up becoming a problem for you, not him. You just never know in these situations. Keep that in mind.
Opening a relationship up to more partners should probably be done slowly. Have you suggested a little experimenting? Maybe start small as kinky, then ask him about a threesome. It's a safer way to tell if its going to work. If the threesome goes ahead and you both enjoy it, you can try suggesting something more open afterwards. Remember to take it slow anyway and keep in mind it is a very, very sensitive situation.
Also, always always always let him know he's number one to you. He needs to be the main picture here.
Is it normal if I wish I met my boyfriend later in life?
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You've got a real dilemma on your hands there with two incompatible needs. Your options are limited. The obvious ones involve working out which is the greater need (your boyfriend, or your need to explore) and then choosing.
However, there is a compromise (although either you or your boyfriend may not like it). You could experiment together with other people, or you could ask whether you can have an open relationship up until the point you make a greater commitment (such as getting engaged, at which point you close the relationship off again).
Be aware, though, that while leaving your boyfriend and hoping to be reunited has its dangers, having threesomes or an open relationship may also change one or both of you. It might be difficult to revert to monogamy.
Choose wisely. And good luck making that choice. It sounds like you'll need it.
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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I would love to have an open relationship with him but he's not that type of person. He's a little more conservative than me, that's why when we were just dating he kept asking me to be his gf while I wasn't used to having a bf so I thought dating was enough. But no, he wanted to make sure I was his. I'm going to ask him again what the future holds including if we break up will we get back together. I really want a definite answer.
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Mmmpfh
11 years ago
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Keep in mind that there is no definative answer for this question. There's always a risk involved. I think if you want a better chance at keeping him you should try the open relationship dappled mentioned. It's much less offensive than suggesting you break up so that you can go sex up other people.
I was far more conservative than my ex but I wouldn't have thrown the idea out the window because of it. If you do try an open relationship remember to put a massive focus on his enjoyment in it. Make sure its something he can be happy with!
Also, totally normal to wish you met him later in life. Been there myself too and its a really disheartening feeling.
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ComTlancy
11 years ago
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11 years ago
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Once again, dappled comes out of nowhere with his amazing wisdom to help us all
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[Old Memory]
11 years ago
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You were a really awesome user. Where did you go?
So although you were conservative, you would have chosen an open relationship over breaking up because you didn't wanna lose your ex too? Gah if ya, well I hope my bf would feel the same way cause I don't think he'd wanna lose me either based on what he tells me. So if I gave the ultimatum of having an open relationship and explaining how it would work including your suggestion of focusing on him more or breaking up, I feel that he would choose the open relationship but that's only if he's like you. Otherwise knowin him, he said he wouldn't be able to nurture me and kiss me knowing other guys are doing the same to me so I was like oh....but if I tell him I'd focus on him more idk if that would change his mind.
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Mmmpfh
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Its a very sensitive situation. Not everyone can handle an open relationship. They come with a slew of their own problems. Hell, it might even end up becoming a problem for you, not him. You just never know in these situations. Keep that in mind.
Opening a relationship up to more partners should probably be done slowly. Have you suggested a little experimenting? Maybe start small as kinky, then ask him about a threesome. It's a safer way to tell if its going to work. If the threesome goes ahead and you both enjoy it, you can try suggesting something more open afterwards. Remember to take it slow anyway and keep in mind it is a very, very sensitive situation.
Also, always always always let him know he's number one to you. He needs to be the main picture here.