Yep, relationships and breakups hurt sometimes, still not a reason to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy with a person that makes you feel that way.
I honestly don't know what this comment means. I didn't realize we were arguing a point. I just gave my opinions on the facts you presented. I was not agreeing or disagreeing with you, or anyone else, that I was aware of.
But if that were the case, since I told you from the beginning to break up with him, and that is what you have decided, wouldn't be that you agreeing with me?
Well maybe i read it wrong but first you said "grow up and break up with him" but its not about "growing up" its what I responded that makes it hard to decide what to do.
Then you said I shouldn't stay with someone who makes me feel that way so again thats why I responded with yeah thats what I want to do. He makes me feel like shit cause I love him. It's not about being immature or growing up. It's about how he makes me unhappy.
You are taking that completely out of context. The growing up part was in reference to you saying that you were concerned about him saying things behind your back if you broke up, as if that would be a reason not to break up. That is what my entire first post was about. I don't know how you could have missed that, pretty much the entire post was me giving examples of other things he could say behind your back and then saying who gives a fuck what he says.
Not breaking up with someone who treats you poorly just because they may say something bad about you after is in my opinion childish. So if that is holding you back than you need to "grow up" as in "stop worrying about what he might say about you", and break up with him.
Actually him saying things behind her back is a perfectly good reason not to break up, not saying she should stay but people have done this before. Reputation is a very important thing.
If someone is going to go and slander your name since they believe you wronged them you could get bad publicity, you can lose friends, it could ruin your love life in the future, your career even. Once someone has tarnished your reputation its often hard to come back from it.
You obviously have no perspective and have never seen this done on a large scale to ruin a persons life, relationships, careers. So of course you dont understand how bad this could truly get. The mean words are not the issue, the giant sham campaign is.
My father ruined my reputation to his half of the family. I can no longer speak to them. the reasons was I did not call my mother a bitch. Yes silly me! So he had a mental break down, Told me to kill him, and freaked out kicking me out of the house. Then got harassed by my mother since she thought he committed suicide after lying saying she didn't care about him anymore.
I don't think you have any idea what my life experiences are. Growning up in a ghetto, gay in a Christian household, and having maintained a marriage for 14 years, I'll gladly put my knowledge of dealing with adversity and understanding relationships up against yours any time. But put that aside for a molment, cause it's not the point here.
Someone who would say with someone under threat of reputation being ruined is basically letting that person blackmail them into staying in the relationship. That is an extremely unhealthy reason to remain.
Also, in this case no such threat was made. The OP was running "what if" scenarios. The actual point of my post was that she should not stay in a bad situation just becaue of what "might" happen, especially when she doesn't even really know it will happen.
Plus, the "what if" she is talking about is just not a serious one. "My ex was crazy" is one of the most popular reasons people give for breaking up. Few people take that seriously. Anyone who would stop being your friend because you ex told them you were crazy, was not much of a friend to begin with.
Finally, if you read the entire conversation that I had with the OP, she agreed that she never stay for that reason, and had already decided leave, even before I said it.
Well I never did say I was going to stay w him because I don't want him to say anything bad about me. In fact, I just said I want to break up with him but its harder because of how I feel about him. I didn't say the possibility of him saying something bad about me is holding me back from breaking-up with him, it's how I feel about him thats holding me back.
So I think when you basically said to just "break up with him" and I said "yeah thats what Ive been saying I want to do," made me think you thought I was doing the opposite (staying with him) of what you were saying.
"Ew. Plus, let's say we break up, and he describes me being that crazy ex...I can't live with that knowing I am not a crazy person."
Lets say we break up sugguests it's not decided. Saying that you can't live with him saying that about you if you did sugguests that it is a consideration holding you back.
Either way, I still think it's a silly concern, and not something you should take so seriously that you can't live with it.
IIN if I want to break up with him because he thinks I'm a bitch?
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Yep, relationships and breakups hurt sometimes, still not a reason to stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy with a person that makes you feel that way.
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Anonymous Post Author
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Yeah thats why I'm going to break up with him lol so in the end you agree.
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VinnyB
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I honestly don't know what this comment means. I didn't realize we were arguing a point. I just gave my opinions on the facts you presented. I was not agreeing or disagreeing with you, or anyone else, that I was aware of.
But if that were the case, since I told you from the beginning to break up with him, and that is what you have decided, wouldn't be that you agreeing with me?
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Well maybe i read it wrong but first you said "grow up and break up with him" but its not about "growing up" its what I responded that makes it hard to decide what to do.
Then you said I shouldn't stay with someone who makes me feel that way so again thats why I responded with yeah thats what I want to do. He makes me feel like shit cause I love him. It's not about being immature or growing up. It's about how he makes me unhappy.
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Ellenna
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You are taking that completely out of context. The growing up part was in reference to you saying that you were concerned about him saying things behind your back if you broke up, as if that would be a reason not to break up. That is what my entire first post was about. I don't know how you could have missed that, pretty much the entire post was me giving examples of other things he could say behind your back and then saying who gives a fuck what he says.
Not breaking up with someone who treats you poorly just because they may say something bad about you after is in my opinion childish. So if that is holding you back than you need to "grow up" as in "stop worrying about what he might say about you", and break up with him.
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Actually him saying things behind her back is a perfectly good reason not to break up, not saying she should stay but people have done this before. Reputation is a very important thing.
If someone is going to go and slander your name since they believe you wronged them you could get bad publicity, you can lose friends, it could ruin your love life in the future, your career even. Once someone has tarnished your reputation its often hard to come back from it.
You obviously have no perspective and have never seen this done on a large scale to ruin a persons life, relationships, careers. So of course you dont understand how bad this could truly get. The mean words are not the issue, the giant sham campaign is.
My father ruined my reputation to his half of the family. I can no longer speak to them. the reasons was I did not call my mother a bitch. Yes silly me! So he had a mental break down, Told me to kill him, and freaked out kicking me out of the house. Then got harassed by my mother since she thought he committed suicide after lying saying she didn't care about him anymore.
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VinnyB
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I don't think you have any idea what my life experiences are. Growning up in a ghetto, gay in a Christian household, and having maintained a marriage for 14 years, I'll gladly put my knowledge of dealing with adversity and understanding relationships up against yours any time. But put that aside for a molment, cause it's not the point here.
Someone who would say with someone under threat of reputation being ruined is basically letting that person blackmail them into staying in the relationship. That is an extremely unhealthy reason to remain.
Also, in this case no such threat was made. The OP was running "what if" scenarios. The actual point of my post was that she should not stay in a bad situation just becaue of what "might" happen, especially when she doesn't even really know it will happen.
Plus, the "what if" she is talking about is just not a serious one. "My ex was crazy" is one of the most popular reasons people give for breaking up. Few people take that seriously. Anyone who would stop being your friend because you ex told them you were crazy, was not much of a friend to begin with.
Finally, if you read the entire conversation that I had with the OP, she agreed that she never stay for that reason, and had already decided leave, even before I said it.
Well I never did say I was going to stay w him because I don't want him to say anything bad about me. In fact, I just said I want to break up with him but its harder because of how I feel about him. I didn't say the possibility of him saying something bad about me is holding me back from breaking-up with him, it's how I feel about him thats holding me back.
So I think when you basically said to just "break up with him" and I said "yeah thats what Ive been saying I want to do," made me think you thought I was doing the opposite (staying with him) of what you were saying.
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VinnyB
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What you actually said was...
"Ew. Plus, let's say we break up, and he describes me being that crazy ex...I can't live with that knowing I am not a crazy person."
Lets say we break up sugguests it's not decided. Saying that you can't live with him saying that about you if you did sugguests that it is a consideration holding you back.
Either way, I still think it's a silly concern, and not something you should take so seriously that you can't live with it.
He makes you feel like shit and you love him?
That's not love!