Depression, cutting, and suicide are difficult to understand when you've never experienced those feelings, because the thought process isn't logical but it seems to be that way to the affected party. I had two periods of my life where I cut for several month periods, after a while it became an addiction, an itch under my skin that I needed more than I needed a cigarette..
When I was in high school, I went to one of those Christian camps people talk about. The "brainwashing" techniques they use there, if you could call them that, were quite effective, and my counselor (as well as my own psyche) was a little twisted. I started cutting first out of stress when I dated a boy who was suicidal, then eventually as punishment for my sins when I became more fanatical.
Stopped for a long time, it didn't come back until a few years later, after an abusive relationship and an assault by a friend on campus left me in a fucked up mental state. Blamed myself, couldn't adequately explain myself to my boyfriend at the time, fights ensued, and if there's one thing I truly regret it's the scars on my arms.
At the time I thought "No one or nothing else matter, and he'll see my cuts no matter where they are." I always tried to make them look natural though and hid them well, so in a way I'm happy I kept that much sense about myself. To anyone who didn't know better I could pass it off as the result of an active lifestyle.
I don't do any of those things anymore, I'm largely recovered now. Sometimes I'll still get urges, but it's been months since I've pierced skin. Once you start, it really does become like an addiction, like running for a smoke or a beer when you're stressed. It's a wonderfully effective but horribly damaging way to vent.
It does hurt, but not right away. It's like a tattoo or a piercing. Adrenaline and endorphins are released, so you don't feel the pain right away, just the rush. After half an hour or so it hurt like hell.
The adrenaline release is part of what makes it so addictive, and being a thrill seeker I was probably predisposed to that as well.
Wow, this response and the other one kind of made me have a different perspective. I still don't think it's normal and I think it's still dumb but reading how it makes you feel got me thinking how ya people have different reactions to different things but even cutting yourself! This is how I see it now, if it makes you feel that way, that good, then I guess. I just didn't know that it could actually feel good. I thought it was just to literally hurt yourself cause of how much you hate so and so, but apparently it does the opposite ?
Oh and also why not just get a tattoo or piercing then? Youre gonna have a mark anyway
Is it normal if I think cutting yourself is stupid?
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Depression, cutting, and suicide are difficult to understand when you've never experienced those feelings, because the thought process isn't logical but it seems to be that way to the affected party. I had two periods of my life where I cut for several month periods, after a while it became an addiction, an itch under my skin that I needed more than I needed a cigarette..
When I was in high school, I went to one of those Christian camps people talk about. The "brainwashing" techniques they use there, if you could call them that, were quite effective, and my counselor (as well as my own psyche) was a little twisted. I started cutting first out of stress when I dated a boy who was suicidal, then eventually as punishment for my sins when I became more fanatical.
Stopped for a long time, it didn't come back until a few years later, after an abusive relationship and an assault by a friend on campus left me in a fucked up mental state. Blamed myself, couldn't adequately explain myself to my boyfriend at the time, fights ensued, and if there's one thing I truly regret it's the scars on my arms.
At the time I thought "No one or nothing else matter, and he'll see my cuts no matter where they are." I always tried to make them look natural though and hid them well, so in a way I'm happy I kept that much sense about myself. To anyone who didn't know better I could pass it off as the result of an active lifestyle.
I don't do any of those things anymore, I'm largely recovered now. Sometimes I'll still get urges, but it's been months since I've pierced skin. Once you start, it really does become like an addiction, like running for a smoke or a beer when you're stressed. It's a wonderfully effective but horribly damaging way to vent.
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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But doesn't it hurt? How does it feel when you were literally cutting yourself?
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dkdkfjdsksjdnskkw
9 years ago
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shade_ilmaendu
11 years ago
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yeah it hurts, thats the point.
It does hurt, but not right away. It's like a tattoo or a piercing. Adrenaline and endorphins are released, so you don't feel the pain right away, just the rush. After half an hour or so it hurt like hell.
The adrenaline release is part of what makes it so addictive, and being a thrill seeker I was probably predisposed to that as well.
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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Wow, this response and the other one kind of made me have a different perspective. I still don't think it's normal and I think it's still dumb but reading how it makes you feel got me thinking how ya people have different reactions to different things but even cutting yourself! This is how I see it now, if it makes you feel that way, that good, then I guess. I just didn't know that it could actually feel good. I thought it was just to literally hurt yourself cause of how much you hate so and so, but apparently it does the opposite ?
Oh and also why not just get a tattoo or piercing then? Youre gonna have a mark anyway
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VioletTrees
11 years ago
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shade_ilmaendu
11 years ago
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Tattoos and piercings are expensive, and not all cuts scar.
That's what I do now, actually, Im impatient to go under the needle again. I have several tattoos planned out and not enoug funding to get them.
It's definitely not a healthy behavior, I've worked hard to get away from it. But it helps to understand the psychology behind self harm.