Is it normal if i hate my mother alot

This is my story , my mother she is a drug abuse since i was young at 4 years old and i thought i would have a wonderful family like other people but i did not , my mother and father kept arguing and shouting when i was 4 years old and kept on going , i didnt have my mother to send me off to school and fetch me home like other mother , i blame myself
Why other mother can be so loving why not mine , when i was at the age of 9 my mother would haress me to buy cough syrup and i am not ill and even now she do that too , i thought she would change but after once or twice she kept continuing on buying cough syrup using my identity and she would sit off on the bed all day and do nothing and boss me around and i thought she would change but she didnt she would try to commit sucide and she has been caught by police officers for more than 3times , i just wish she and my dad and me can be like other loving family , i sometimes even think to go to orphanage and just be myself . Since she not working i have to my job by going out and interviewing and we do not have any income and because of that i cant get what i want which is very sad , if i want to get that thing i have to wait for my salary before getting that thing, i loves to help other by doing to the full extent even though i didnt have income i would do anything for my friend by asking my cousin to lend me money .i hope she will change