I do miss him already but I think what I really want right now is closure from him. He's like my best friend so him not talking to me or anything sucks. I want communication but he made it clear earlier that he can't have me as a friend, either I'm his girlfriend or nothing at all. Then at the end he said he'd try. Ugh that bugs me so much because if you really loved me you wouldn't want to lose contact with me so I question does he really love me? or he loves me that he can't have me as a friend? Its so confusing.
The reason why he can't be your friend is that if he still loves you, just being your friend and not your boyfriend would be too painful for him. He probably sees it as being "downgraded", or like you want to "have your cake and eat it". Seeing you constantly but not being able to be with you in a romantic sense would be so difficult for him that he'd rather not see you at all because the only way he can move on and forget is by cutting contact with you. He probably misses your friendship too, but he also realises that being your friend while he still feels this way would be so painful for him that it isn't worth it.
Once his feelings die down, and he stops loving you, perhaps he will be okay with being friends but that's a decision he'll have to reach on his own. Maybe that's what he meant when he said he would try, or maybe he only said it to get you to leave him alone, especially if he felt angry or upset or venerable when he said it. If you know his friends well you could try asking them if they know whether he intends to see you again as a friend or not. That could be a possible way to get closure. If they can't help you you'll have to just withstand the pain until you're ready to move on, which I promise will not take forever.
In my experience, guys not wanting to be friends after a relationship is something a lot of girls are surprised and confused by, and they don't necessarily realise that by breaking off the relationship they're also breaking off the friendship and companionship they get from that person (whether it be temporarily or permanently). In that sense, your situation is normal.
Another thing you can learn from this is that having your boyfriend and your best friend be the same person is putting all your eggs in one basket, meaning if you lose one you'll probably lose both. That's why it's important to still keep your other friends close even when you have a boyfriend and don't need them as much, because when relationships end then you will need them.
So what about me? I love him and I want to be friends with him. I want to keep him around, be there for him, and I'd put my feelings away when another girl comes along. I guess it depends on the person and their perspective on love.
But I still hate the fact that I didn't meet him later in the future. I've kind of come to the conclusion that I don't know what I want because one day I am so sure about settling down and the next its like omg I'm so glad I'm single and free what was I thinking. when I'm feeling happy about being free, that's when I get frustrated about why didn't I meet him later. I haven't contacted him since that time I texted him and he didn't respond cause I'm seeing if he'll get to me. Plus my bday is next week so that'll be interesting if he wishes me a happy birthday or not.
I know it's difficult, but break ups are difficult. There's no magic bullet way of making them easy for anyone, you or him. I'm sorry. It takes two people to make a friendship happen and if he doesn't want one you'll just have to live with that, even though it hurts. That's what I mean when I say "you can't have your cake and eat it"; you can't get rid of the relationship but hang onto the friendship because those two things might be inseparable to him. That is the risk of breaking up; that you'll lose more than you anticipated.
This is difficult for him too. Sometimes break ups hurt us very very deeply. Maybe you hurt him very very deeply, and you've got to understand that when you hurt someone very very deeply they might not want to be friends with you ever again. The upshot of it all is that he ends up hurt by losing a girlfriend and you end up hurt by losing a friend. What can I say? That's what love does; it hurts. It seems lovely and perfect when you're in the middle of it but when you lose it you realise how painful it can be.
Who knows, maybe this will all work out and he'll be fine being friends with you. Or it might be that he won't, and all you can do is learn from this. You'll either have to play the waiting game and see if he contacts you or confront him face to face and make him give you closure (I'd recommend the latter).
Me too :) I don't want to lose him and because of how I feel about him, I won't let it happen. But I'm going to let it cool off a bit, maybe wait until summer when we're both not that busy.
I told him a while ago that I wanted to tell him something (which was getting back together) but only in person which I was gonna do this past spring break but we know how that turned out. Then he hit me with a bomb. He messaged me this quote saying it reminded him of me. It went something like "you can date a bad girl but you can't marry her" then he replies "that's you." I was pretty much speechless especially after asking "so what did you wanna tell me?" I told him "its gonna be awkward now that you told me that." But idc, I'm over it. I find it funny actually. He said he liked me being a bad girl though because I was a challenge for him and he enjoyed it. So he was kind of saying "thanks for that okay bye."
I don't know if its cause I have faith, but none of that stops me from confronting him and expressing myself. I just hope we can be face to face again regardless of it being awkward or not. So for now the waiting game until summer.
Is it normal if I feel this way about my last relationship?
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I do miss him already but I think what I really want right now is closure from him. He's like my best friend so him not talking to me or anything sucks. I want communication but he made it clear earlier that he can't have me as a friend, either I'm his girlfriend or nothing at all. Then at the end he said he'd try. Ugh that bugs me so much because if you really loved me you wouldn't want to lose contact with me so I question does he really love me? or he loves me that he can't have me as a friend? Its so confusing.
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dom180
10 years ago
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The reason why he can't be your friend is that if he still loves you, just being your friend and not your boyfriend would be too painful for him. He probably sees it as being "downgraded", or like you want to "have your cake and eat it". Seeing you constantly but not being able to be with you in a romantic sense would be so difficult for him that he'd rather not see you at all because the only way he can move on and forget is by cutting contact with you. He probably misses your friendship too, but he also realises that being your friend while he still feels this way would be so painful for him that it isn't worth it.
Once his feelings die down, and he stops loving you, perhaps he will be okay with being friends but that's a decision he'll have to reach on his own. Maybe that's what he meant when he said he would try, or maybe he only said it to get you to leave him alone, especially if he felt angry or upset or venerable when he said it. If you know his friends well you could try asking them if they know whether he intends to see you again as a friend or not. That could be a possible way to get closure. If they can't help you you'll have to just withstand the pain until you're ready to move on, which I promise will not take forever.
In my experience, guys not wanting to be friends after a relationship is something a lot of girls are surprised and confused by, and they don't necessarily realise that by breaking off the relationship they're also breaking off the friendship and companionship they get from that person (whether it be temporarily or permanently). In that sense, your situation is normal.
Another thing you can learn from this is that having your boyfriend and your best friend be the same person is putting all your eggs in one basket, meaning if you lose one you'll probably lose both. That's why it's important to still keep your other friends close even when you have a boyfriend and don't need them as much, because when relationships end then you will need them.
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So what about me? I love him and I want to be friends with him. I want to keep him around, be there for him, and I'd put my feelings away when another girl comes along. I guess it depends on the person and their perspective on love.
But I still hate the fact that I didn't meet him later in the future. I've kind of come to the conclusion that I don't know what I want because one day I am so sure about settling down and the next its like omg I'm so glad I'm single and free what was I thinking. when I'm feeling happy about being free, that's when I get frustrated about why didn't I meet him later. I haven't contacted him since that time I texted him and he didn't respond cause I'm seeing if he'll get to me. Plus my bday is next week so that'll be interesting if he wishes me a happy birthday or not.
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dom180
10 years ago
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I know it's difficult, but break ups are difficult. There's no magic bullet way of making them easy for anyone, you or him. I'm sorry. It takes two people to make a friendship happen and if he doesn't want one you'll just have to live with that, even though it hurts. That's what I mean when I say "you can't have your cake and eat it"; you can't get rid of the relationship but hang onto the friendship because those two things might be inseparable to him. That is the risk of breaking up; that you'll lose more than you anticipated.
This is difficult for him too. Sometimes break ups hurt us very very deeply. Maybe you hurt him very very deeply, and you've got to understand that when you hurt someone very very deeply they might not want to be friends with you ever again. The upshot of it all is that he ends up hurt by losing a girlfriend and you end up hurt by losing a friend. What can I say? That's what love does; it hurts. It seems lovely and perfect when you're in the middle of it but when you lose it you realise how painful it can be.
Who knows, maybe this will all work out and he'll be fine being friends with you. Or it might be that he won't, and all you can do is learn from this. You'll either have to play the waiting game and see if he contacts you or confront him face to face and make him give you closure (I'd recommend the latter).
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Me too :) I don't want to lose him and because of how I feel about him, I won't let it happen. But I'm going to let it cool off a bit, maybe wait until summer when we're both not that busy.
I told him a while ago that I wanted to tell him something (which was getting back together) but only in person which I was gonna do this past spring break but we know how that turned out. Then he hit me with a bomb. He messaged me this quote saying it reminded him of me. It went something like "you can date a bad girl but you can't marry her" then he replies "that's you." I was pretty much speechless especially after asking "so what did you wanna tell me?" I told him "its gonna be awkward now that you told me that." But idc, I'm over it. I find it funny actually. He said he liked me being a bad girl though because I was a challenge for him and he enjoyed it. So he was kind of saying "thanks for that okay bye."
I don't know if its cause I have faith, but none of that stops me from confronting him and expressing myself. I just hope we can be face to face again regardless of it being awkward or not. So for now the waiting game until summer.