Is it normal if i feel this way about my last relationship?

50% Normal
12 Comments

My last and actually only relationship was amazing. I didn't think I'd experience what I experienced with him although in the beginning, I knew it was going to be some kind of adventure. I broke up with him because I was feeling anxious and we were on different pages. Since it was my first relationship, those urges of just wanting to have fun and explore came back and strong. I had to let him go, I didn't want to hurt him. To this day, I am so glad I let him go or else I wouldn't have had as much fun as I did in the past few months. But I'm getting over it. When I was with him I wasn't interested in anyone else, everything was good until later. But despite catching up with me later, the point is I wish I met him later in the future. I'm only 21 and felt like maybe there's something better. But at this rate, I haven't had anything with anyone and I'm feeling like I want to settle down again but I feel like the urges will come back again. That's why I wish I met him in the future so I know for sure he's the one for me. He's perfect to settle down with but he came too soon. Is it normal to feel that way? Wishing you met someone later because at the moment, you're still young and don't want to restrict yourself? I want to tell him this since I'm home for spring break but he hasn't responded which is frustrating me because I don't know where he stands. If he doesn't want to talk then he could tell me since he never doesn't reply. So then I think what if something bad happened. I kind of feel like once I come home, its not the same without him. I want to be with him when I'm home and when I'm away in college I do miss him but I'm glad I'm single. So what does that mean? eventually I'm going to come back home so does that mean I should just try to be with him again and be strong when it comes to temptations? and I don't mean just other guys I mean partying and drinking and all of that. Is that what it means? Please enlighten me but appropriately.

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 12 votes (6 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 )
  • appaloosa
    11 years ago

    if you have to ask about this then you are too immature for a serious committed relationship

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • dom180
    11 years ago

    I think it's safe to say that if you broke up with him and he isn't responding to you, then he won't want to get back together with you or be friends. There's a risk you just have to accept when you choose to break up with someone - that they might not want to take you back and there's nothing you can do to change their mind. He's probably busy getting over you, and it's best for both of you to leave him to it.

    I think it's normal to think that the right person came along, just at the wrong time - too soon. Truth is, there's no way you can know if he would have been a good person to settle down with or not because he might have changed or you might have changed or he might not ever have even wanted to settle down. There's no use worrying about it because it probably wouldn't have worked out. You'll find someone else, as will he.

    If you cared about him, of course you're going to feel a void inside once you're back to Earth and you've internalised the fact that he's gone from your life (probably forever). That's the nature of a break-up, and break-ups hurt. There's a reason people cry over them. It might not hurt you right now, but it's likely you'll miss him later and you'll be hurt then. But you'll get over it in time; feelings don't last forever.

    You have a right to have fun, and if you had more fun single then there's nothing wrong with what you did unless you led him on which it sounds like you didn't.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      I do miss him already but I think what I really want right now is closure from him. He's like my best friend so him not talking to me or anything sucks. I want communication but he made it clear earlier that he can't have me as a friend, either I'm his girlfriend or nothing at all. Then at the end he said he'd try. Ugh that bugs me so much because if you really loved me you wouldn't want to lose contact with me so I question does he really love me? or he loves me that he can't have me as a friend? Its so confusing.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • dom180
        11 years ago

        The reason why he can't be your friend is that if he still loves you, just being your friend and not your boyfriend would be too painful for him. He probably sees it as being "downgraded", or like you want to "have your cake and eat it". Seeing you constantly but not being able to be with you in a romantic sense would be so difficult for him that he'd rather not see you at all because the only way he can move on and forget is by cutting contact with you. He probably misses your friendship too, but he also realises that being your friend while he still feels this way would be so painful for him that it isn't worth it.

        Once his feelings die down, and he stops loving you, perhaps he will be okay with being friends but that's a decision he'll have to reach on his own. Maybe that's what he meant when he said he would try, or maybe he only said it to get you to leave him alone, especially if he felt angry or upset or venerable when he said it. If you know his friends well you could try asking them if they know whether he intends to see you again as a friend or not. That could be a possible way to get closure. If they can't help you you'll have to just withstand the pain until you're ready to move on, which I promise will not take forever.

        In my experience, guys not wanting to be friends after a relationship is something a lot of girls are surprised and confused by, and they don't necessarily realise that by breaking off the relationship they're also breaking off the friendship and companionship they get from that person (whether it be temporarily or permanently). In that sense, your situation is normal.
        Another thing you can learn from this is that having your boyfriend and your best friend be the same person is putting all your eggs in one basket, meaning if you lose one you'll probably lose both. That's why it's important to still keep your other friends close even when you have a boyfriend and don't need them as much, because when relationships end then you will need them.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • Anonymous Post Author
          11 years ago

          So what about me? I love him and I want to be friends with him. I want to keep him around, be there for him, and I'd put my feelings away when another girl comes along. I guess it depends on the person and their perspective on love.
          But I still hate the fact that I didn't meet him later in the future. I've kind of come to the conclusion that I don't know what I want because one day I am so sure about settling down and the next its like omg I'm so glad I'm single and free what was I thinking. when I'm feeling happy about being free, that's when I get frustrated about why didn't I meet him later. I haven't contacted him since that time I texted him and he didn't respond cause I'm seeing if he'll get to me. Plus my bday is next week so that'll be interesting if he wishes me a happy birthday or not.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
            -
          • dom180
            11 years ago

            I know it's difficult, but break ups are difficult. There's no magic bullet way of making them easy for anyone, you or him. I'm sorry. It takes two people to make a friendship happen and if he doesn't want one you'll just have to live with that, even though it hurts. That's what I mean when I say "you can't have your cake and eat it"; you can't get rid of the relationship but hang onto the friendship because those two things might be inseparable to him. That is the risk of breaking up; that you'll lose more than you anticipated.

            This is difficult for him too. Sometimes break ups hurt us very very deeply. Maybe you hurt him very very deeply, and you've got to understand that when you hurt someone very very deeply they might not want to be friends with you ever again. The upshot of it all is that he ends up hurt by losing a girlfriend and you end up hurt by losing a friend. What can I say? That's what love does; it hurts. It seems lovely and perfect when you're in the middle of it but when you lose it you realise how painful it can be.

            Who knows, maybe this will all work out and he'll be fine being friends with you. Or it might be that he won't, and all you can do is learn from this. You'll either have to play the waiting game and see if he contacts you or confront him face to face and make him give you closure (I'd recommend the latter).

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
              -
            • Anonymous Post Author
              11 years ago

              Me too :) I don't want to lose him and because of how I feel about him, I won't let it happen. But I'm going to let it cool off a bit, maybe wait until summer when we're both not that busy.
              I told him a while ago that I wanted to tell him something (which was getting back together) but only in person which I was gonna do this past spring break but we know how that turned out. Then he hit me with a bomb. He messaged me this quote saying it reminded him of me. It went something like "you can date a bad girl but you can't marry her" then he replies "that's you." I was pretty much speechless especially after asking "so what did you wanna tell me?" I told him "its gonna be awkward now that you told me that." But idc, I'm over it. I find it funny actually. He said he liked me being a bad girl though because I was a challenge for him and he enjoyed it. So he was kind of saying "thanks for that okay bye."
              I don't know if its cause I have faith, but none of that stops me from confronting him and expressing myself. I just hope we can be face to face again regardless of it being awkward or not. So for now the waiting game until summer.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              0
              0
  • LizardSkin
    11 years ago

    Sounds like you're a commitophobe. Who cares how old you are, you should consider yourself lucky you could find someone that you may love at a younger age.

    Imagine if you never find someone you connect with again til your 50. Or maybe never at all?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      At first I thought I was happy I met him early but no. I have my whole life and there's plenty of fish in the sea. I don't want to be with him and feel trapped and we're both unhappy. So honestly, I rather be single right now and torn with this situation than be together miserable. I guess I have to be cliche and think "if its meant to be, it'll happen."

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • LizardSkin
        11 years ago

        Your whole life huh? That's pretty optimistic in this world we live in where over 150,000 people die every day.

        Yes, I know pretty grim. But the fact remains not one of us know when our number will be up. Could be tomorrow, could be a year, or three. But yes, it is quite possible you will live a full life.

        The way I see it is go for it and if it wasn't meant to be then it will end and you'd move on. But I guess that's the hopeless romantic in me.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    I just burned my tounge.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • keef
    11 years ago

    Okay so you're basically playing with his heart while you're home, and going off and being a slut when you leave.
    There's no problem with it really, except that you could be hurting him. Be honest with him. Let him know exactly how you feel about the whole situation, and then let him decide what he wants to do with it.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0