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I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months, he found out he had late stage II stomach cancer and has to go through surgery and chemo. I like him a lot, and we tell each other we love each other, but there's no way I can handle the horrors of cancer. I'm 21, and we were supposed to travel together but now he's sick. Am I an awful person?
It is normal to feel that way. That being said whether you want to stay with him is a decision only you can make. You are the one that would have to live with your decision. Sometimes the right thing to do is the most difficult thing.
The thing is, you two only been dating for 8 months. That's hardly enough time to know a person well enough to love them. You two said "I love you," way too soon. Now that "I love you," is biting you in the butt, because things took a turn for the worse super early in the relationship with a guy you hardly know and got serious with too quickly.
However, the choice is up to you. It's not about whether you're a bad person or not, but whether you can live with your choice.
Well, if you decide not to stick around through his cancer treatment please for the love of God don't ever expect him to take you back if he gets all better. If you can't handle someone you supposedly love through the worst of it then you certainly won't deserve that person in the best of times.
I know I don't sound very nice, but you very much sound like a fair weather friend. He's better off without you.
Fair weather friend. I like that. I never knew what to call people who are my friends until trouble hits and they get easily overwhelmed.
First off: Yes you don't sound nice. I admire that you notice.
Also, it is very hard to have a loved one who is going through cancer. Some people can not handle the fact that their loved one is dying and they don't want to deal with the disparity of their death so they try to deal with it by leaving. I understand that avoiding things is always a good idea, but you also have to understand that cancer is life threatening and very dangerous as well as a very sad thing o have a loved one going through. This is coming from someone who is going into the study of cancer and has known people who have had it and died of it. It's very hard. Cancer is a health issue not a relationship issue. Get it through your head.
Well, if someone left me when I most needed them, because they were afraid of witnessing "the horrors of cancer" while I was suffering from cancer or some other disease it would be impossible for me to ever trust or feel close to that person again!
As far as I'm concerned OP, and people like her are cowardly. Yes, it's hard for someone to see someone they love get sick and die, but as far as I'm concerned the suffering of the actual sick person is more important than the emotional toll on the loved one.
Since 2005 every time someone in my family died I'd get a phone call and have to go wherever they were to pray with my family and the body of my deceased relative. I usually don't get the chance to relax and shed many of my own tears for as long as two weeks after the death of a loved one. My personal case may be rather extreme, but if and when I get very sick and die I want strong, but compassionate people to surround me in my time of need.
I don't know what would happen if my dear partner, parents or sister were to become sick, but I hope and pray for the strength to be there for them to the best of my ability.
Currently my maternal aunt is fighting breast cancer in Colombia and my future father-in-law in fighting many health problems, one of which is most likely lung cancer, in North Texas. My partner and I wish we could visit them both, but sadly we can't afford to do so.
Sorry, but I can't relate to OP's comment, "I'm 21, and we were supposed to travel together but now he's sick". I'm not trying to hate on OP, but there's no cure for cancer, it just goes into remission so for the sake her boyfriend I hope he finds someone else who is stronger and more courageous than she is, because that's probably what he needs.
You are actually wrong abou one thing in particular: Cancer can be cured, as cancer is not just one disease, but a classification of diseases (chronic myelogenous leukaemia and Osteosarcoma are 2 of at least 20 almost always fully cured cancers).
Also, something tells me you yourself have never suffered a disease. I, on the other hand, almost died 3 times from 3 different ailments: TB, Asthma, and insulin shock. It's what made me want to study health science and cancer, actually.
I am currently a medical student who wants to go into oncology (cancer) research and hematology (blood) research. I have been told by doctors, professors and my parents that many people can not deal with a loved ones cancer. I've been through it. Am I a total coward?Are 75%of people cowards? Except you apparently. Why don't you go hangout with Trump while your at it. You'd be best buds. Trust me. CANCER IS TOUGH. I would know.
P.S: Be careful who you call f***ed up. You said that to me once.
As for the full cancer cure, it's being worked on.
Women find weakness, sickness, flaws and mental problems as unattractive. You can't control what attracts you—this is primal stuff on the level of 'can my mate provide/protect me'.
A relationship where one person isn't attracted to the other is hell. Do the two of you both a favor and end the relationship.
Don't think of yourself as a bad person, you're just not made from the stuff McBean is.
Ok. First off, McBean was actually married to his wife. It sounds like they might have had a real love and I'd bet they were together for longer than 8 months. He did what most healthy-minded good husbands would do. I'm betting McBean is/was older, too.
Yes, the OP sounds maybe a little selfish on the exterior but not everyone is immediately equipped to handle these types of things. Like I was molested when I was a kid and my mom was an alcoholic so I personally really have no idea how to genuinely care for other people. I'm amazing at providing advice, though. That's how I help people. I feel like everyone has a lot of responsibility to themselves.
You sound like you were young and very naive and might have unknowingly let the relationship drag on. It's not easy caring for someone sick. When my mom was an alcoholic for years, there was really nothing I could do but just be with her. I didn't ask to be born or have to grow up with a drunk.
Of course, your situation is a little different but if the love isn't there, it isn't there. He has nurses and a family, too, no? You're not responsible for everything. It's hard to advise what to do without knowing you both but as long as you aren't cheating and lying to him, it's not as bad as it seems. Just remember that while you had envisioned traveling together, real life stuff like this is still going to happen again down the road when the people and places have changed. But also sometimes things like these happen to tell people to "slow down". Maybe God is making a woman out of you and helping you look at life differently...or kind of a wakeup call for the opposite
Very tough choice to leave him. He will be very upset if you leave him definitely. I watch a show called my 600 pound life. Astonishingly, a lot of the people have wives or husbands that are also fat or seem miserable. They can't live their life to the fullest because they have to constantly help the 609 pound person. It's quite sad. It's your choice but I wish you luck.