What you're talking about is not boundaries. That's just going about a relationship in a different way, which is very normal. For example, it's tradition for the guy to ask the girl out, but nowadays you have women asking the guy out.
Boundaries are basically setting a line for yourself. Having self-respect, and knowing when to walk away. Is it okay for him to slap you across the face if you don't cook his breakfast right? No? Then that's a boundary. Is it okay for him to call you a stank ass, cum bucket hoe after he has sex with you? NO?! Then that's having boundaries!
Boundaries are meant to not allow people to push you around, and they're very important in a relationship because of how vulnerable feelings can make us to the other person.
How you went about your relationship is great! I'm glad it worked out for you. Also, it's nice that you wont marry someone without living with them first, and I share the same opinion.
But so do you believe it's okay to see him, be with him, have sex with him, without being in an actual relationship?
Of course I dont want to be taken advantage of but thats where my point is in this post. It's up to him to respect me. And so, I feel like doing all those things with him even tho we're not officially together. Once I realize hes taking advantage of me then thats when I walk away. I'm not going to hold myself back. It's up to him to respect me and be an adult about it.
Personally, I wouldn't take such an arrangement like this seriously, and probably only see it as a means to have convenient sex without feeling tied down.
However, despite my own opinion, the fact is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with friends with benefits. It can have truly wonderful endings with couples getting married, or horrible ones where no one is happy. It's a risk like every other relationship out there, but if you're aware of the consequences and have a plan if problems were to present itself, then you're good. You're being smart about it, and that's what really matters.
Okay plus I don't plan on having sex casually, but if it happens then it happens. If I can stop myself, then great. At the end of the day, my hope is for him to gain respect for me and want to be with me again. The last thing I want is for him to think he can have me without committing later. The thing is I feel like if I hold back on having sex with him, or be more vulnerable in any way, he's going to go look for it somewhere else. But at the same time, if he is worth my time, then he wouldn't go somewhere else. Got it.
Is it normal if I don't know or like having boundaries?
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What you're talking about is not boundaries. That's just going about a relationship in a different way, which is very normal. For example, it's tradition for the guy to ask the girl out, but nowadays you have women asking the guy out.
Boundaries are basically setting a line for yourself. Having self-respect, and knowing when to walk away. Is it okay for him to slap you across the face if you don't cook his breakfast right? No? Then that's a boundary. Is it okay for him to call you a stank ass, cum bucket hoe after he has sex with you? NO?! Then that's having boundaries!
Boundaries are meant to not allow people to push you around, and they're very important in a relationship because of how vulnerable feelings can make us to the other person.
How you went about your relationship is great! I'm glad it worked out for you. Also, it's nice that you wont marry someone without living with them first, and I share the same opinion.
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Anonymous Post Author
7 years ago
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Great explanation!
But so do you believe it's okay to see him, be with him, have sex with him, without being in an actual relationship?
Of course I dont want to be taken advantage of but thats where my point is in this post. It's up to him to respect me. And so, I feel like doing all those things with him even tho we're not officially together. Once I realize hes taking advantage of me then thats when I walk away. I'm not going to hold myself back. It's up to him to respect me and be an adult about it.
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Tealights
7 years ago
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Personally, I wouldn't take such an arrangement like this seriously, and probably only see it as a means to have convenient sex without feeling tied down.
However, despite my own opinion, the fact is that there's absolutely nothing wrong with friends with benefits. It can have truly wonderful endings with couples getting married, or horrible ones where no one is happy. It's a risk like every other relationship out there, but if you're aware of the consequences and have a plan if problems were to present itself, then you're good. You're being smart about it, and that's what really matters.
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Anonymous Post Author
7 years ago
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Okay plus I don't plan on having sex casually, but if it happens then it happens. If I can stop myself, then great. At the end of the day, my hope is for him to gain respect for me and want to be with me again. The last thing I want is for him to think he can have me without committing later. The thing is I feel like if I hold back on having sex with him, or be more vulnerable in any way, he's going to go look for it somewhere else. But at the same time, if he is worth my time, then he wouldn't go somewhere else. Got it.