Yep so nothing he said there makes you out to be the bad guy or even sugguests it. So as I suspected, you just didn't like his answer and over dramatized it in you head. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
I would have no reason to be biased, I don't know either one of you. Also, even if it didn't make sense that wouldn't mean he's making you the "bad guy". The very idea that someone must be the bad guy is childish.
But yes, it does make perfect sense to me. Not everyone puts so much emphasis on the scenario in which family is met as you do. In his mind, she met family, and you have met family, and there is really no difference. That is a valid belief, that you might not agree with, but that many people, including myself, would.
She may have met more family, though you indicate that you have at least spoken to some, but all that could be based on the scenario and circumstances that were playing out than and now, and have nothing to do with you or her.
Example...
A guy meets a girl. They see each other once or twice, not serious. A family member is getting married next week so he invites her to go with him because he has no date. Shortly after, they stop seeing each other. Does that mean that when he has a more serious girl friend in the future, until he also takes her to a family wedding, she is automatically less important to him? No, that is silly.
What makes no sense to me is the concept that he has to arrange a family holiday and bring you along just to prove to you that you are as important, or more important, than some past girl.
I'm not the only one who believes meeting the family is a good indication of how much the person is into their partner. This is a really obvious and straight up way of saying "hey I see you more than just a girl I'm seeing." I mean he said it himself. He tried proving to me that I am more than just a fling by bringing up the fact he let me hang out with his sibling. Yet, he's contradicting himself because he did bring a girl who was "just a fling" to meet his family. How am I supposed to believe his train of thought when he's going against his word? How do I know she's just a fling? Because he said it himself, she's someone he's not gonna be w at all so he's just playing w her like a little plaything.
It's like saying I'll only wear yellow underwear to an event thats really valuable to me and I wore yellow underwear to just go to the gas station.
"I'm not the only one who believes meeting the family is a good indication of how much the person is into their partner."
The very fact that you said this means that you are either not reading, or not comprehending, anything that I am saying to you. You are not just talking about meeting his family, you are talking about the specific scenario in which you must meet his family.
You have met his sister, you have spoken to other family. But because she got to do it at a family holiday, and you didn't, you somehow deem it better or more important. I don't think that makes any difference at all, and I find nothing unusual about him feeling the same way.
Also, your example is nonsense...
"It's like saying I'll only wear yellow underwear to an event that's really valuable to me and I wore yellow underwear to just go to the gas station. "
That only makes sense if someone actually said that about the "yellow underwear" in the first place. Sense, clearly the "yellow underwear" is a girl, unless he said "I will only take girls that are important to me to meet my family", your metaphor just doesn't work. That, on top of the fact that you have met family.
Regardless if I think it makes a difference of HOW I meet his family, he said so himself that there is a difference between meeting his family and not. But in actuality, there isn't a difference for him because he let his fling and his gf meet his family so he lied basically. He shouldve just said "no you meeting my family or not is not a big indication of how important you are to me" then I would understand since he let his fling meet his them so I shouldn't make a big deal about it.
At the end of the day, I don't know what I mean to him because he either lied about his standards or he didn't which means I am just a fling and I was never his gf in the first place.
You are not even responding to what I am actually saying, you are just repeating yourself over and over. I am not disputing that meeting his family is important. I have made that clear over and over, so please stop saying it.
My problem is that just meeting his family is not what you are complaining about. You are complaining that she got to meet them at a family holiday, and you didn't. maybe he said it was important to meet them, but I don't believe from what you have said that he said that he specifically thinks it is important that you meet them at a family holiday event.
He feels that you have already met some family, specifically his sister. He acknowledged that was important according the his quote you previously posted.
What he doesn't seem to think, is that there is a certain timeline on which you must be introduced to everyone, and he doesn't seem to think that it MUST be at a family holiday function, and he doesn't seem to think that the timeline that some other girl met them must be followed or exceeded by you. I agree with him on all these things.
So please do NOT NOT NOT NOT say one more time that it is important for you to meet his entire family at some point. I agree with that and have never said I do not.
But do I think what he did with another girl is relevant in any way to your relationship? No
Do I think that meeting you sister and speaking to other family members counts as meeting his family, at least in part? Yes
Do I think it matters if you meet his family at a family holiday function or not? No
Do I believe that there is a specific timeframe that he must introduce you in? No
Do I think that the fact that you have not been to a family function must mean something about the way he feels about you? No. There are a million other possible reasons for this.
Do I think you obsessing over, and overthinking all of this is silly? Yes
I don't know how I could make my opinion any clearer, so if you still don't understand what I am saying, then I don't know what else to say.
By the way, this is my opinion, you don't have to agree with it, and I don't understand why you are trying so hard to change my opinion. I am just responding your questions and comments regarding what I am saying. I don't care if you agree with me or not. But you seem to be really trying to convince me that you are right and your boyfriend is wrong. Why do you care what I think?
That is not the point of the web site. The point it to get 3rd party opinions on a situation. When you ask for that there is a chance some opinions may conflict with your own. But you don't seem to want that. You seem to just want others to validate your point of view, and you just go on and on when they don't. It is not my obligation to agree with you. You asked for an opinion on your situation and I gave one. Accept it, or don't, that is your choice. I really don't care. But either way, let it go.
IIN if he took his fling to a holiday w his family but not his gf?
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Yep so nothing he said there makes you out to be the bad guy or even sugguests it. So as I suspected, you just didn't like his answer and over dramatized it in you head. Thanks for clearing that up for me.
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Anonymous Post Author
8 years ago
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So you actually believe what he said? Even when it doesn't make sense? I think you might be biased here...
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VinnyB
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I would have no reason to be biased, I don't know either one of you. Also, even if it didn't make sense that wouldn't mean he's making you the "bad guy". The very idea that someone must be the bad guy is childish.
But yes, it does make perfect sense to me. Not everyone puts so much emphasis on the scenario in which family is met as you do. In his mind, she met family, and you have met family, and there is really no difference. That is a valid belief, that you might not agree with, but that many people, including myself, would.
She may have met more family, though you indicate that you have at least spoken to some, but all that could be based on the scenario and circumstances that were playing out than and now, and have nothing to do with you or her.
Example...
A guy meets a girl. They see each other once or twice, not serious. A family member is getting married next week so he invites her to go with him because he has no date. Shortly after, they stop seeing each other. Does that mean that when he has a more serious girl friend in the future, until he also takes her to a family wedding, she is automatically less important to him? No, that is silly.
What makes no sense to me is the concept that he has to arrange a family holiday and bring you along just to prove to you that you are as important, or more important, than some past girl.
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I'm not the only one who believes meeting the family is a good indication of how much the person is into their partner. This is a really obvious and straight up way of saying "hey I see you more than just a girl I'm seeing." I mean he said it himself. He tried proving to me that I am more than just a fling by bringing up the fact he let me hang out with his sibling. Yet, he's contradicting himself because he did bring a girl who was "just a fling" to meet his family. How am I supposed to believe his train of thought when he's going against his word? How do I know she's just a fling? Because he said it himself, she's someone he's not gonna be w at all so he's just playing w her like a little plaything.
It's like saying I'll only wear yellow underwear to an event thats really valuable to me and I wore yellow underwear to just go to the gas station.
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VinnyB
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"I'm not the only one who believes meeting the family is a good indication of how much the person is into their partner."
The very fact that you said this means that you are either not reading, or not comprehending, anything that I am saying to you. You are not just talking about meeting his family, you are talking about the specific scenario in which you must meet his family.
You have met his sister, you have spoken to other family. But because she got to do it at a family holiday, and you didn't, you somehow deem it better or more important. I don't think that makes any difference at all, and I find nothing unusual about him feeling the same way.
Also, your example is nonsense...
"It's like saying I'll only wear yellow underwear to an event that's really valuable to me and I wore yellow underwear to just go to the gas station. "
That only makes sense if someone actually said that about the "yellow underwear" in the first place. Sense, clearly the "yellow underwear" is a girl, unless he said "I will only take girls that are important to me to meet my family", your metaphor just doesn't work. That, on top of the fact that you have met family.
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Regardless if I think it makes a difference of HOW I meet his family, he said so himself that there is a difference between meeting his family and not. But in actuality, there isn't a difference for him because he let his fling and his gf meet his family so he lied basically. He shouldve just said "no you meeting my family or not is not a big indication of how important you are to me" then I would understand since he let his fling meet his them so I shouldn't make a big deal about it.
At the end of the day, I don't know what I mean to him because he either lied about his standards or he didn't which means I am just a fling and I was never his gf in the first place.
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You are not even responding to what I am actually saying, you are just repeating yourself over and over. I am not disputing that meeting his family is important. I have made that clear over and over, so please stop saying it.
My problem is that just meeting his family is not what you are complaining about. You are complaining that she got to meet them at a family holiday, and you didn't. maybe he said it was important to meet them, but I don't believe from what you have said that he said that he specifically thinks it is important that you meet them at a family holiday event.
He feels that you have already met some family, specifically his sister. He acknowledged that was important according the his quote you previously posted.
What he doesn't seem to think, is that there is a certain timeline on which you must be introduced to everyone, and he doesn't seem to think that it MUST be at a family holiday function, and he doesn't seem to think that the timeline that some other girl met them must be followed or exceeded by you. I agree with him on all these things.
So please do NOT NOT NOT NOT say one more time that it is important for you to meet his entire family at some point. I agree with that and have never said I do not.
But do I think what he did with another girl is relevant in any way to your relationship? No
Do I think that meeting you sister and speaking to other family members counts as meeting his family, at least in part? Yes
Do I think it matters if you meet his family at a family holiday function or not? No
Do I believe that there is a specific timeframe that he must introduce you in? No
Do I think that the fact that you have not been to a family function must mean something about the way he feels about you? No. There are a million other possible reasons for this.
Do I think you obsessing over, and overthinking all of this is silly? Yes
I don't know how I could make my opinion any clearer, so if you still don't understand what I am saying, then I don't know what else to say.
By the way, this is my opinion, you don't have to agree with it, and I don't understand why you are trying so hard to change my opinion. I am just responding your questions and comments regarding what I am saying. I don't care if you agree with me or not. But you seem to be really trying to convince me that you are right and your boyfriend is wrong. Why do you care what I think?
That is not the point of the web site. The point it to get 3rd party opinions on a situation. When you ask for that there is a chance some opinions may conflict with your own. But you don't seem to want that. You seem to just want others to validate your point of view, and you just go on and on when they don't. It is not my obligation to agree with you. You asked for an opinion on your situation and I gave one. Accept it, or don't, that is your choice. I really don't care. But either way, let it go.