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I don't know why I just want something really bad to happen me. Not because I want attention I want to suffer all alone. I've had good childhood with no problems at all, my family is loving and I have some friends, I've never been ill with some horrible disease but I just want to be sad it doesn't matter if emotionally or physicaly.
From the way that you wrote your story, it sounds like you want to suffer because you don't know what it's like. Do you want to understand people better? Everyone suffers, if you want to see what it's like, indirectly, then volunteer somewhere, like a local soup kitchen or a shelter. Do some good while seeing how the other half lives.
I struggle with a mental illness which demands I always suffer. I can never be happy, always pessimistic. I can't feel good about myself or what I do; I'm an annorexic workaholic, hate everything about life, suicidal ideations abound, I am a self-mutilator, maintain a horrid self-image, struggle to hold jobs, relationships are no better, and I wouldn't know how to exist if I ever felt happy. o.O I am perfectly content with my misery. I have borderline personality disorder (BPD). And I know that craving for physical and emotional pain, and I also know it's not normal. You should probably seek help before you find what you're looking for. Especially before you make it commonplace to search.
it could be some kind of guilt for having a decent life. its that whole "my friend of misery" mindset.
I'm the same way. My child hood wasn't good at all is the only difference.
I have problems with self harm and voices telling me to horrible things to my body. Suffering is in some ways a mental release. Something for my mind to focus on, it almost causes me to relax.