Please get some therapy before you do something that you'll regret! Therapy is confidential so, if you get a doctor who specialises in your problem you should be fine. However, you should get a therapist instead of a psychiatrist. Therapist can't prescribe medication and their focus is more on actually getting down and helping the person. A psychiatrist pill pushes and is basically a legal drug dealer. They care more about improperly diagnosing so that they can prescribe you pills, which means more money for them, instead of treating and caring for their patients.
is it normal i want i get visions of killing my kitten?
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Please get some therapy before you do something that you'll regret! Therapy is confidential so, if you get a doctor who specialises in your problem you should be fine. However, you should get a therapist instead of a psychiatrist. Therapist can't prescribe medication and their focus is more on actually getting down and helping the person. A psychiatrist pill pushes and is basically a legal drug dealer. They care more about improperly diagnosing so that they can prescribe you pills, which means more money for them, instead of treating and caring for their patients.