How long have you felt this way? The bare minimum amount of commitment for a kid is 18 years, but many parents continue to provide emotional support for their children until one of you dies.
I have some suggestions. One person has already suggested getting a dog, and I think this is a good idea because dependent pets like dogs are good training for raising kids. Alternatively, I think you should try babysitting. Babysitting can help you scratch the itch and it will let you know if you're prepared for the messy and difficult bits of taking care of a baby.
A lot of people have said it's unfair for the child to lack a father figure. I don't think a kid needs a mother figure and a father figure. I think all they need is a person to look after them and give them the values to look after themselves. Plenty of single-parent children grow up completely normally. My one concern would be your ability to work full-time and provide adequate care of your kids at home if you have no-one to split the load with.
You put a lot of emphasis on your kid having the right genetics, and that really makes me cautious. You seem very interested in the aesthetic and genetic qualities of a child and less interested in the emotional support you can give them as they grow up. It's quite objectifying to the kid. You care about things which don't really make much of a difference to your kids emotional well-being, which makes me think that you want this child more as an accessory to your perfect life than anything else. If there is any selfishness in your desire, I think this is where it comes from.
I already have experience with kids. I have an extremely high tolerance for them, actually. Not to brag, but I can hold stress very efficiently, and keep a cool head. I babysat for my nieces, nephews...etc even as infants, for years, raising them.
So a dog for "training purposes?" out of the question
As far as the financial concerns, I will ENSURE that I have an allotted amount of money in a savings account solely for my child. S/he will also learn the importance of money and working for it at an early age, progressively in small steps. To more fully answer your question, yeah there will be babysitters (I have strong family ties with brothers/cousins. male figures etc) but ultimately I will be the primary caregiver.
Well of course I will be interested in the appearance, wouldnt you?
That's great! Bear in mind that babysitting doesn't replicate the experience perfectly, because most of the stress of parenthood comes from never having a break. Your supportive family would be a really good help, though.
The way you talked about the appearance of the kid in your OP did worry me. It sounded more like a sexual fantasy: find a hot guy, fuck him, get pregnant. I feel like if the superficial things are that important to you, you might not be mature enough for parenthood yet.
You don't want a long-term partner. You want a man to father your child and then exit your life. You will never have to look at that man again. Do you think you will care how attractive he was when you are raising the child? Will the good looks of the child be at the forefront of your mind when they are born? Would the idea of being a parent be less attractive to you if your baby didn't have the looks you wanted? If the answer is yes, I think you are excessively focused on the superficial and I think that focus is evidence of not understanding what parenting is really about.
No of course parenting wouldnt be affected. of course i iwouldnt treat my child any less than that. im just thinking. what if my child was physically beautiful. fancy that. its human nature. what parent would willingly want an ugly child. none. like i said its human nature and theres even research on that
its like this. it reminds me of this analogy. do u have a girlfriend? from my experience ive seen husbands say all the time of their wives yes i love my wife i love her but come on inside the vast majority of men would prefer it EVEN MORE if their wife had a smokin body a drop dead gorgeous wife. sure they fancy that idea. just how i fancy that. if i had a child i would love him regardless but couldnt help it
what do you think of parents who brag about their beautiful children or who do toddlers and tiaras beauty pageants
Maybe those appearances matter a lot to some people, but they really don't matter to me. I have had girlfriends, but I've always felt awkward complimenting their appearance because I think it's so superficial. Complimenting beauty is an admission that it's important. I did compliment their looks because I did think they were attractive and I knew they liked being complimented, but the fact that they were beautiful wasn't important to me at all. I never liked my own appearance being complimented either. It's entirely possible that I'm the odd one out, but that's how I feel.
I think those parents are teaching their kids the wrong lessons about what is really important. I'm sure they love their kids, but the message they are teaching them about the importance of beauty is damaging to their self-esteem as adults.
IIN I want a man free child
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How long have you felt this way? The bare minimum amount of commitment for a kid is 18 years, but many parents continue to provide emotional support for their children until one of you dies.
I have some suggestions. One person has already suggested getting a dog, and I think this is a good idea because dependent pets like dogs are good training for raising kids. Alternatively, I think you should try babysitting. Babysitting can help you scratch the itch and it will let you know if you're prepared for the messy and difficult bits of taking care of a baby.
A lot of people have said it's unfair for the child to lack a father figure. I don't think a kid needs a mother figure and a father figure. I think all they need is a person to look after them and give them the values to look after themselves. Plenty of single-parent children grow up completely normally. My one concern would be your ability to work full-time and provide adequate care of your kids at home if you have no-one to split the load with.
You put a lot of emphasis on your kid having the right genetics, and that really makes me cautious. You seem very interested in the aesthetic and genetic qualities of a child and less interested in the emotional support you can give them as they grow up. It's quite objectifying to the kid. You care about things which don't really make much of a difference to your kids emotional well-being, which makes me think that you want this child more as an accessory to your perfect life than anything else. If there is any selfishness in your desire, I think this is where it comes from.
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I already have experience with kids. I have an extremely high tolerance for them, actually. Not to brag, but I can hold stress very efficiently, and keep a cool head. I babysat for my nieces, nephews...etc even as infants, for years, raising them.
So a dog for "training purposes?" out of the question
As far as the financial concerns, I will ENSURE that I have an allotted amount of money in a savings account solely for my child. S/he will also learn the importance of money and working for it at an early age, progressively in small steps. To more fully answer your question, yeah there will be babysitters (I have strong family ties with brothers/cousins. male figures etc) but ultimately I will be the primary caregiver.
Well of course I will be interested in the appearance, wouldnt you?
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dom180
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That's great! Bear in mind that babysitting doesn't replicate the experience perfectly, because most of the stress of parenthood comes from never having a break. Your supportive family would be a really good help, though.
The way you talked about the appearance of the kid in your OP did worry me. It sounded more like a sexual fantasy: find a hot guy, fuck him, get pregnant. I feel like if the superficial things are that important to you, you might not be mature enough for parenthood yet.
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all else clarified, you have yet not answered my question. when choosing a partner, how important is appearance to you?
Why?
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dom180
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A long-term partner? Not very important at all.
You don't want a long-term partner. You want a man to father your child and then exit your life. You will never have to look at that man again. Do you think you will care how attractive he was when you are raising the child? Will the good looks of the child be at the forefront of your mind when they are born? Would the idea of being a parent be less attractive to you if your baby didn't have the looks you wanted? If the answer is yes, I think you are excessively focused on the superficial and I think that focus is evidence of not understanding what parenting is really about.
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No of course parenting wouldnt be affected. of course i iwouldnt treat my child any less than that. im just thinking. what if my child was physically beautiful. fancy that. its human nature. what parent would willingly want an ugly child. none. like i said its human nature and theres even research on that
its like this. it reminds me of this analogy. do u have a girlfriend? from my experience ive seen husbands say all the time of their wives yes i love my wife i love her but come on inside the vast majority of men would prefer it EVEN MORE if their wife had a smokin body a drop dead gorgeous wife. sure they fancy that idea. just how i fancy that. if i had a child i would love him regardless but couldnt help it
what do you think of parents who brag about their beautiful children or who do toddlers and tiaras beauty pageants
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dom180
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Maybe those appearances matter a lot to some people, but they really don't matter to me. I have had girlfriends, but I've always felt awkward complimenting their appearance because I think it's so superficial. Complimenting beauty is an admission that it's important. I did compliment their looks because I did think they were attractive and I knew they liked being complimented, but the fact that they were beautiful wasn't important to me at all. I never liked my own appearance being complimented either. It's entirely possible that I'm the odd one out, but that's how I feel.
I think those parents are teaching their kids the wrong lessons about what is really important. I'm sure they love their kids, but the message they are teaching them about the importance of beauty is damaging to their self-esteem as adults.