Well, you already know my feelings on this because we've talked about it but I sent someone an email yesterday where I talked about how much I admired their openness regarding a difficult subject. I talked about how much I admired a certain site user for similar openness. I was, of course, talking about you.
I try to be open too and I've come to actually expect to be attacked. At first, I thought "Why am I being attacked?" Later, I dismantled people either by logic, aggression, or wit. Now, I don't give an airborne intercourse. I tend to be nicest to the people who attack me. It leaves them nowhere to go.
However, that's just me and I feel very differently about people being mean to you. Not just because I do genuinely like you very much but because you, for me, are one of the few people doing "the right thing". I know it's easier not to make yourself a target, but that's just selfishness.
Being open about something allows someone else to be open about the same thing rather than be afraid and feel alone. That is what the site is for. It says it right up there in the quote on the homepage. It's not for trolling, it's not for snarking at each other, it's not for keeping ourselves hidden, it's not even for socialising. It's for sharing difficult things in the hope that at least some good comes from it and someone is helped.
The vast majority of people don't use the site in the "right" way or are selfish in their use of the site (using it for personal entertainment, for instance, and giving nothing back). I'm fine with that. I'm NOT fine with people like you being attacked for doing the right thing. I want this to be an environment where more people feel they can be as brave as you are, not fewer.
Again, I know we've talked about it in private and you know how angry I am on your behalf but perhaps this is an opportunity to tell others how angry this makes me. I might come across as a nice guy but that doesn't mean I don't have a sharp tongue. I think you're pretty popular here and I'm sure many other site users would also want to show support. Just keep being yourself.
I kind of wanted to make a public post about it because it seems to happen far too often, not just to me but to other users. I've been avoiding naming names but it really bothers me to see people judged so harshly just for being honest about their beliefs.
And I actually do agree with your method... I don't always utilize that here but I should, but it's really kind of fun to be nice or at least playful with people who are being really abusive. And just maybe, it'll make them think a bit.
I suppose a good thing to remember is we don't know the ages of a lot of these posters, but I can assume a decent number of them are still teenagers, and even my age group is still rather young. It's funny because I was always a really open minded person, but it seems like a lot of young people don't really open up that much until early to mid adulthood. Life experience and all that, it definitely makes sense, I think I'm just one of the weird ones. I went from being sheltered and radically Christian to a heathan in a BDSM relationship pretty quickly after I got out of high school and was old enough to leave the house whenever I wanted.
Other people seem to make that transition much slower, but I've always been one to take the road less traveled.
And I'd daresay you always do the right thing here too, at least from where I'm standing. You were one of the first posters I noticed on here I really liked back when I first started, and honestly seeing the things you write inspired me to do better on here. :) When I first started I know I would be very emotional about certain topics, especially threads where someone was talking about having a rape fantasy or something (as the perp, not the victim) and oh the things I would say. Even for those people now, I realise that they probably felt just as bad about those thoughts as I did, and that's why they were here asking about it, and that I should help rather than attack them because attacking will accomplish nothing.
Yeah, there are some others who are suffering it too. Including one person who I always think of as very strong and capable of dealing with anything but it must bother her. I should be more aware of it with her rather than just assume she's okay.
You know, saying something massively polite or funny really does stop people in their tracks. It's kind of a show of strength too. They've taken their best shot and you haven't even flinched or reacted. Someone emailed me to tell me that I was an f*cking awful c*nt who should die soon (it happens). I replied with an apology that I was asleep when they first emailed and wasn't able to deal with it promptly. That was the end of that.
I've never understood the closed-minded approach. I've never been any different than I am now. I have the same mindset as when I was a five year old kid. Abusive childhood, though. It kind of makes you think harder about what is right and wrong and whether you deserve the treatment you are getting.
That's very sweet of you to say. I certainly noticed your arrival. I think I was one of the first people to get talking to you. Would have been hard not to notice me. IIN was in the middle of that weird epidemic of "dappled fever" that made everyone go a bit silly for a while. You've changed in the time you've been here, though. I thought you were quite open when you started but even moreso now.
It's why this makes me so angry. Sometimes I wonder if I'm sending the wrong message, though. I say it's good when people are open but then they get stung for it. It makes me feel like I've led people onto a bad path. You'd be surprised how often I think about this and wonder whether I say the right thing here.
You two and anyone with the same issue needs to disassociate their physical person with their computer screens. Lets face it, you and dappled have never actually met so how could one be hurt spilling out their heart via 0101011101010's a keyboard and monitor. My philosophy has always been "Take what you need leave what you don't"
Is it normal I've apparently made some enemies here?
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Well, you already know my feelings on this because we've talked about it but I sent someone an email yesterday where I talked about how much I admired their openness regarding a difficult subject. I talked about how much I admired a certain site user for similar openness. I was, of course, talking about you.
I try to be open too and I've come to actually expect to be attacked. At first, I thought "Why am I being attacked?" Later, I dismantled people either by logic, aggression, or wit. Now, I don't give an airborne intercourse. I tend to be nicest to the people who attack me. It leaves them nowhere to go.
However, that's just me and I feel very differently about people being mean to you. Not just because I do genuinely like you very much but because you, for me, are one of the few people doing "the right thing". I know it's easier not to make yourself a target, but that's just selfishness.
Being open about something allows someone else to be open about the same thing rather than be afraid and feel alone. That is what the site is for. It says it right up there in the quote on the homepage. It's not for trolling, it's not for snarking at each other, it's not for keeping ourselves hidden, it's not even for socialising. It's for sharing difficult things in the hope that at least some good comes from it and someone is helped.
The vast majority of people don't use the site in the "right" way or are selfish in their use of the site (using it for personal entertainment, for instance, and giving nothing back). I'm fine with that. I'm NOT fine with people like you being attacked for doing the right thing. I want this to be an environment where more people feel they can be as brave as you are, not fewer.
Again, I know we've talked about it in private and you know how angry I am on your behalf but perhaps this is an opportunity to tell others how angry this makes me. I might come across as a nice guy but that doesn't mean I don't have a sharp tongue. I think you're pretty popular here and I'm sure many other site users would also want to show support. Just keep being yourself.
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shade_ilmaendu
10 years ago
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I kind of wanted to make a public post about it because it seems to happen far too often, not just to me but to other users. I've been avoiding naming names but it really bothers me to see people judged so harshly just for being honest about their beliefs.
And I actually do agree with your method... I don't always utilize that here but I should, but it's really kind of fun to be nice or at least playful with people who are being really abusive. And just maybe, it'll make them think a bit.
I suppose a good thing to remember is we don't know the ages of a lot of these posters, but I can assume a decent number of them are still teenagers, and even my age group is still rather young. It's funny because I was always a really open minded person, but it seems like a lot of young people don't really open up that much until early to mid adulthood. Life experience and all that, it definitely makes sense, I think I'm just one of the weird ones. I went from being sheltered and radically Christian to a heathan in a BDSM relationship pretty quickly after I got out of high school and was old enough to leave the house whenever I wanted.
Other people seem to make that transition much slower, but I've always been one to take the road less traveled.
And I'd daresay you always do the right thing here too, at least from where I'm standing. You were one of the first posters I noticed on here I really liked back when I first started, and honestly seeing the things you write inspired me to do better on here. :) When I first started I know I would be very emotional about certain topics, especially threads where someone was talking about having a rape fantasy or something (as the perp, not the victim) and oh the things I would say. Even for those people now, I realise that they probably felt just as bad about those thoughts as I did, and that's why they were here asking about it, and that I should help rather than attack them because attacking will accomplish nothing.
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dappled
10 years ago
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toofgod
10 years ago
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Yeah, there are some others who are suffering it too. Including one person who I always think of as very strong and capable of dealing with anything but it must bother her. I should be more aware of it with her rather than just assume she's okay.
You know, saying something massively polite or funny really does stop people in their tracks. It's kind of a show of strength too. They've taken their best shot and you haven't even flinched or reacted. Someone emailed me to tell me that I was an f*cking awful c*nt who should die soon (it happens). I replied with an apology that I was asleep when they first emailed and wasn't able to deal with it promptly. That was the end of that.
I've never understood the closed-minded approach. I've never been any different than I am now. I have the same mindset as when I was a five year old kid. Abusive childhood, though. It kind of makes you think harder about what is right and wrong and whether you deserve the treatment you are getting.
That's very sweet of you to say. I certainly noticed your arrival. I think I was one of the first people to get talking to you. Would have been hard not to notice me. IIN was in the middle of that weird epidemic of "dappled fever" that made everyone go a bit silly for a while. You've changed in the time you've been here, though. I thought you were quite open when you started but even moreso now.
It's why this makes me so angry. Sometimes I wonder if I'm sending the wrong message, though. I say it's good when people are open but then they get stung for it. It makes me feel like I've led people onto a bad path. You'd be surprised how often I think about this and wonder whether I say the right thing here.
You two and anyone with the same issue needs to disassociate their physical person with their computer screens. Lets face it, you and dappled have never actually met so how could one be hurt spilling out their heart via 0101011101010's a keyboard and monitor. My philosophy has always been "Take what you need leave what you don't"