is it normal i think of this?

I can relate to what you're saying so I'm a little nervous about making a response. Okay...so mentally I will forget that I can relate to what you're saying. Here goes:

I would surmise that perhaps you have a need to prove yourself worthy of others and or to show your love and affection for them and desire to protect them. Either way in my humble opinion you have an inner desire to prove yourself.