Well he is very insecure and gets upset with me a lot, he is sometimes mean and say that I’m purposely hurting him when I’m not. He also did hard drugs, and hid it from me. But on the other hand he is very loving, loyal and nice to me, also shows genuine regret and apologizes for all the things he’s done wrong once he realizes it.
I said we can’t be together until he gets all this sorted so he seems to be working on that. But we’re still close friends and both really hope we can be together again someday
How is he "working on that"? If he keeps doing the same things he regrets and then apologizes for, that's not a good sign, especially if he only recognizes his behavior when you or someone else points it out.
I learned years ago that apologies in themselves mean nothing unless they're accompanied by a sincere commitment not to repeat the behavior being apologized for.
Yeah I agree and I’ve told him that. Personally I see a lot of improvement.. especially knowing his background of being abused growing up, it makes sense how he’d have difficulty recognizing the negative behaviors on his own..not being rude to you, but genuinely curious: how can you not have sympathy for that ??
Of course I have sympathy for that, but I'd still like to know how he's "working" on it: if it's relying on you, his partner, and only you that's too heavy a burden to carry and he needs good professional help as well.
I speak from experience of putting lots of time & energy into relationships where I was always the "helper" of people who drained me dry and relied on me for all their support.
IIN i think my bf is literally insane but I love him
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What are the behaviors that concern you and how are you both "working on it"?
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Anonymous Post Author
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Well he is very insecure and gets upset with me a lot, he is sometimes mean and say that I’m purposely hurting him when I’m not. He also did hard drugs, and hid it from me. But on the other hand he is very loving, loyal and nice to me, also shows genuine regret and apologizes for all the things he’s done wrong once he realizes it.
I said we can’t be together until he gets all this sorted so he seems to be working on that. But we’re still close friends and both really hope we can be together again someday
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Ellenna
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How is he "working on that"? If he keeps doing the same things he regrets and then apologizes for, that's not a good sign, especially if he only recognizes his behavior when you or someone else points it out.
I learned years ago that apologies in themselves mean nothing unless they're accompanied by a sincere commitment not to repeat the behavior being apologized for.
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Yeah I agree and I’ve told him that. Personally I see a lot of improvement.. especially knowing his background of being abused growing up, it makes sense how he’d have difficulty recognizing the negative behaviors on his own..not being rude to you, but genuinely curious: how can you not have sympathy for that ??
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Ellenna
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Of course I have sympathy for that, but I'd still like to know how he's "working" on it: if it's relying on you, his partner, and only you that's too heavy a burden to carry and he needs good professional help as well.
I speak from experience of putting lots of time & energy into relationships where I was always the "helper" of people who drained me dry and relied on me for all their support.
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true, i will keep that in mind..thanks!!