In absolutely no way are you responsible for breaking up your parents, OR for believing that your Dad could somehow "make it better". You were a kid, you did nothing wrong. You are not the abusive Father and you are not the cheating Mother. Those actions were taken by your parents, and your parents alone. Again with the black and white, though, this doesn't mean they're all bad, it just means it's something they did and are responsible for, and it led to divorce.
In nooooooo way should you feel like you would have deserved to die. I know it seems difficult to hear, and you might think that I have no right to tell you that... I didn't go through what you did, so really I *don't* but I mean it only as a human being relating to another human being - you deserve the right to live. Nothing you did, nothing you feel responsible for regarding your parents, nothing you are carrying around guilt for, can take away that right.
You are making leaps and bounds in recovering from your abusive past, and you'll make many more. You're doing the right thing, you're not at fault, you don't need to feel guilty, and you can beat this and take on the world on your own terms without it weighing you down. You're strong.
I would suggest possibly finding a therapist or counselor on your own terms, if you're able to. Someone who your Father can't influence that will hear the TRUTH of what you say, and help you work things out. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and much love.
Thanks, and you're right. Nothing will magically make the guilt go away but I see how the past still affects her personality and I still feel ashamed for that. Thank you for your advice though. It's very reassuring and I regret putting so much importance onto my childhood, it seems so cheesy but I'm happy to hear someone I'm not paying say all of this.
Is it normal I still feel guilt for abusing my sister?
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In absolutely no way are you responsible for breaking up your parents, OR for believing that your Dad could somehow "make it better". You were a kid, you did nothing wrong. You are not the abusive Father and you are not the cheating Mother. Those actions were taken by your parents, and your parents alone. Again with the black and white, though, this doesn't mean they're all bad, it just means it's something they did and are responsible for, and it led to divorce.
In nooooooo way should you feel like you would have deserved to die. I know it seems difficult to hear, and you might think that I have no right to tell you that... I didn't go through what you did, so really I *don't* but I mean it only as a human being relating to another human being - you deserve the right to live. Nothing you did, nothing you feel responsible for regarding your parents, nothing you are carrying around guilt for, can take away that right.
You are making leaps and bounds in recovering from your abusive past, and you'll make many more. You're doing the right thing, you're not at fault, you don't need to feel guilty, and you can beat this and take on the world on your own terms without it weighing you down. You're strong.
I would suggest possibly finding a therapist or counselor on your own terms, if you're able to. Someone who your Father can't influence that will hear the TRUTH of what you say, and help you work things out. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, and much love.
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Thanks, and you're right. Nothing will magically make the guilt go away but I see how the past still affects her personality and I still feel ashamed for that. Thank you for your advice though. It's very reassuring and I regret putting so much importance onto my childhood, it seems so cheesy but I'm happy to hear someone I'm not paying say all of this.