Is it normal i'm worried my daughter is doing heroin

Hi, I might just be an overprotective concerned mom, but I'm worried my daughter is using heroin (or something else.) Am I right to worry? To give some background information:
She is 19 years of age and still lives at home with me and her dad. She is currently attending art and media college but she is not doing her best. She has missed deadlines for her assignments and just doesn't bother. She never bothers to look after herself, and which we have been called into the college numerous times. Still, she doesn't change her attitude, and has been on a downward slope since we had those meetings. One thing which I am worried about is that when I have given her money for food at college, she has not been using it and has instead said that she has forgot to bring lunch, in order to get money from her peers and the tutors. She's never had many friends and is socially withdrawn at college and at home she never goes out anywhere. So I don't know where she could have got anything, however I'm still worried.
She doesn't have a job either, and instead she does chores at home (washing up, cleaning etc) in order to get money for "travel". She apparently saves it all up for her future ambitions but I have never seen it. And she refuses to use her own money to pay for ANYTHING, insisting that she is saving it all up for travelling. Furthermore, I have noticed things going missing around the house, including cutlery such as spoons, and sometimes money has gone missing as well.
What do I do? She is tired all the time and apparently has no energy to do anything. She doesn't even care for her appearance at all and sleeps as soon as she gets home, sometimes through to the morning the next day.
What do you think? Am I right to be suspicious? Should I ask her about it? (I know that she will deny it even if she was using) but I'm just concerned about the way she is right now, that she doesn't seem to care about herself, and might have turned to heroin.

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Comments ( 47 )
  • wigz

    That sounds more like mental illness rather than herion.

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    • True, she has suffered from depression, but I'm worried she could be taking drugs to counterattack her depression. Thing is she won't accept any form of help. The thing I'm worried about is the money thing.

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      • wigz

        So ask her about it. Say you are concerned for her future and want to be sure she has the money saved securely and ask her to show you where it is.

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  • EquityRap

    Once u said missing cutlery I agree she's on something.

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    • wigz

      Not really. I am missing several spoons from my silverware set and it's because my kids accidentally threw them away. I caught it a couple times when they ate ice cream out of the container and tossed it all in the trash when they were done.

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  • Angelandme

    See if you can find some drug test kits to do at home. If you have a bunch of money you could possibly find out if she's using anything that way. There are ones that use saliva even so you could possibly swab a coke can lid or do some csi mom stuff without annoying your daughter.

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    • LasciviousCornucopia

      This is a possibility. Thanks, it might be worth looking into, if I notice she gets any worse.

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      • wigz

        Don't do this. It will just cause a bigger rift between you all whether it comes out positive or negative. There is obviously something going on that she already feels like she can't talk to you about, how will invading her privacy and humiliating her help? Whether she is using drugs or not, testing her will hurt her more than it helps anything. Put more thought into the fact that your child feels like they can't talk to you instead of trying to be Perry Mason and 'prove' something. What happens if you 'prove' she is on drugs? What's your plan to help her?

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        • So, I just found out my daughter has been using heroin... I can't believe it.
          I just don't know what to do. I sat down with her and asked her if there are any problems she is having that she wants to talk about, and be honest with me. I voiced my concerns to her, and she broke down and admitted that she has been using. For 5 months! She said it helps her to deal with her anxiety and depression, and if taken away then she won't cope without it. I looked through her phone and found contacts for drug dealers! It turns out that someone from college got her into drugs and she goes to the park (by herself) in order to get high. Before now I never would have expected this from her. She is not like the kind of "rebel teen" that you hear about.
          Needles to say I have taken away her phone, and confiscated all paraphernalia. What do I do nexT? I want to help her - she is my daughter. And as you can probably tell I'm still shocked. I know it will be really hard for her, but I need to help her come off this awful drug. Does anyone have any kind of advice for me and my daughter? She needs help. Right away.

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          • I also don't want to get the police involved. I know she has this problem, but she is a good kid... She is still my baby girl, but I now she needs help. She took drugs because of her depression... I feel like a bad mother. I didn't notice anything before now, I never talked to her. Maybe this never would have happened if I had been a better mom.

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            • Whyaskme

              That is bull shit. Her winding up on H has nothing to do with you being a bad mom. It probably started with her using pain killers and progressed from there. I am a recovering Opiod addict (10yrs+ clean). I have a great mom. She had nothing to do with it. Heroin is invading the homes of good families everywhere at a sickening pace these days.
              I had been posting on here before I saw this last post of yours, and I knew it was H. I know you wanted to know for sure, but as a good mom, you knew too.
              5 months is plenty long to develop a good habit, but it is also short enough that it can be nipped in the bud, but it will take hard work, and a "Life and Death" attitude, because it IS Life and Death. If you would like any advice or to bounce anything off me, feel free to message me. My advice however is that your daughter should go to a long term rehab. Like at least 6 months maybe a year. It may seem like a lot, but if whatever she does doesn't work, 6 months will be nothing, because it will absolutely Destroy her whole life. If she doesn't die. I tried getting off H after using for like 4 months, and I didn't take it seriously enough. I thought my classes were important etc. Looking back, I wish I had gone in Long Term treatment right off the bat, because a year later i had dropped out and much more anyway.
              I hope things are going well, but it is a POWERFUL drug. Either way, feel free to message me. I made an account on here specifically to write to you about this.

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  • WhiteTile

    Drug test her

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  • RoseIsabella

    Some drug stores sell actual drug test kits. Buy her a kit and tell her to take the piss test or else you won't give her money for anything. Heroine is a terrible drug! When she's gone search her room for drugs or drug paraphernalia, it's your house and you pay the bills so you have the right to go through her stuff if you think she's on drugs.

    If she is in fact depressed get her help for her depression, but if she's on drugs she needs to go to rehab.

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    • wigz

      Good way to alienate your child even more. You can't force stuff like this. Do you have to put up with it? No. But you shouldn't use the dictator approach if you truly want to help. Helping doesn't involve being self-righteous, humiliating her and being able to point fingers. There is something going on with this girl and for some reason she already feels like she can't be open and honest with her parents, how would causing her more embarrassment and putting up more barriers help? It doesn't help her, it only serves that know-it- all dictator mentality. Oh, good for you...you 'proved' something. How has that one piece of the puzzle ever actually helped anyone though? It hasn't.

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      • Angelandme

        Wigz wigs out too much. Proving to yourself,Op, that your daughter is on drugs can help guide you on which path to take to better help her. If you rule out drugs that path is gone. You single that out and thenjoy go for the psychological problems she could be having.
        Of course it could be anything.
        But if it is drug related, and it's serious, you have every goddamn right to be blunt about it to her. Anyone who says feelings more than your daughters physical life is wiggling out.

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        • wigz

          Mmm hmm. It always works out so well when people get forced into a drug test.

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          • Angelandme

            Asswipedickshit the wonderful thing about home tests is some are discrete enough you just need some saliva sample, like off of something they touched to their mouth and ahit. Assholecrackface.

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            • wigz

              And once you get the results, what happens if it's positive? You keep it a total secret? Assfuck dickbutt

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    • Whyaskme

      Good Advice. Do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you can. When someone is on Heroin, they'll do whatever it takes to manipulate you. Tough love is completely necessary.

      This is your child's life.

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      • RoseIsabella

        Thanks, heroine is a terrible drug! Thankfully I've never personally known anyone who did it, but I have met a few people who were in recovery for opiates/heroine, and that shot is no joke. I think people who tiptoe and round someone they think might be abusing substances are living in lala land, and just basically asking trouble.

        No one ever died from being forced to take a drug test. For the most part I think marijuana is different, but even pot can cause problems. I learned in my psychology class that there is a correlation between drug use and psychosis.

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        • wigz

          I'm certain you've known a lot of opiod addicts, you just never knew. Most keep it well hidden. If you think about it like alcohol, most people who drink are not raging alcoholics, even the ones who drink too much still mostly manage to maintain their image and life. Only a very small % of all drinkers/users are obvious or outwardly problematic.Same with any drug. You only notice the worst of the worst or the ones who get arrested. The ones who use but manage it fly under everyone's radar and effectively 'don't exist' even though they are the majority of users.

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          • RoseIsabella

            People aren't supposed to use pain killers, sedatives or other prescription drugs for recreational purposes. I've known plenty of people who have had prescription's for controlled substances which they had a legitimate use for to treat a medical condition who have had their medication stolen from them by a drug addict or drug addicts. I don't feel sorry for people steal or commit fraud to support their habit.

            What OP's daughter needs is tough love, and by tough love I mean an intervention, a drug test, a stint in rehab and a twelve step progam. Drug addicts ought not to be coddled, because they just take advantage of people who are kind to them. They'll do anything to support their habit. Lying and stealing are part of their repertoire.

            Nothing I have said is cruel or unusual, but you attitude makes me wonder if you are an active active addict with a habit you desperately don't want to break.

            So far I've been lucky, but I tell you one thing, if anyone ever steals anything from me I'm calling the police, and pressing full charges! There are few things I hate more than seeing a person whose eyes light up with hopeful anticipation when they hear another person who has a legitimate physical illness has a prescription for something for pain or anxiety. It's disgusting, selfish and evil. If I'm sick and some piece of shit steal's my prescription cough medicine from me to fucking get high then woe unto them, because I will never go without to protect some selfish drug addict. You can think whatever bad things about me you like, but I will never change my stance. If a so called friend stole a bottle of klonapin from my purse I would have them arrested, and my friendship with them would be no more... forever! If a relative stole anything from me I would disown them, and probably still press charges on the person. If the relative lived with me they would go to jail, and come back to find that all the locks have been changed and they are no longer welcome ever again! I might eventually forgive the person for the sake of my own serenity, but I would never reconcile and take that person back into my life!

            If people are non-problematic addicts then good for them, but I still don't want them around me, and I have a right to feel that way!

            OP's daughter has been STEALING from OP and her husband! Does that mean anything to you? Is stealing okay? The girl needs to go to rehab immediately, with no questions asked! She never asked her parents if it was okay to steal from them, huh.

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            • Sarajeremy

              I totally agree

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            • wigz

              Why do you care so much if someone wants to get high?

              What are you if you enjoy your prescription meds but nobody else can? You think a prrscription makes you any better than anyone else?

              People aren't supposed to get high/drunk? Are you serious? Rosie, I think you are a wonderful person and I usually like your contributions but to condemn people who seek out a base urge like altering reality is just too harsh. It's their own personal business. A majority of the 'problems' with drugs are created because they are illegal. Let people use what they want. Unless it's hurting other people then just lay off. It has been proven over and over that prohibition does not work. No strongarm approach to drugs works. You might not like 'coddling' addicts but the cold approach just doesn't work.

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  • EquityRap

    Nope, it doesn't sound like a mental illness. If shit is missing from your house now, it's drugs. Plain and simple. I hear the same stories with all the dopeheads. Always winding up robbing their parents house and selling anything they can. Don't listen to these people just looking to make every-damn-thing a "mental illness." It's dope or coke and she is always tired on the "come down"

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    • wigz

      No, it doesn't sound like drugs because for one thing...why the fuck would she come home? Dope heads don't return home every day on schedule and don't want to be high around their family.

      And 'tired' is way different from nodding off or sleeping off a binge.

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      • Whyaskme

        No, Wrong. Dope heads absolutely stay home all the time. They leave to get dope and go to the comfort of their home to enjoy the high/relax. Otherwise, they stay home if they have no dope and are sick.
        Later in the addiction when it get worse, and it WILL get worse if you don't get her help now, she may be bouncing around. However, that would be because she's exhausted the resources she was exploiting at home/ no longer being enabled, and getting nagged all the time.

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        • wigz

          You don't just start doing heroin out of nowhere. You get involved by social connections and you stay involved because you NEED those connections, heroin makes you sick if you don't have it and no fucking heroin user has no network or other ways to get it. Nobody has only one source of dope, dope heads know and use each other for this. Usually when first getting into dope, people get lured into and used to being away from home. They first get used for money/sex then they start using newbies or sex partners for money/dope. People don't typically want to go/be home with a spouse or especially parents when they are high.

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      • Because she has nowhere else to go... It's simple.
        She goes to college every day, but has to take the bus home as it is over an hour away! (granted, she has missed the bus a few times, hence we were called into college to pick her up.) And very few "real" friends.
        I will try to talk to her, and find out if there is any problem with her.

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        • Whyaskme

          Heroin is a solitary use drug. Heroin dealers are not like weed dealers. Heroin is usually bought from someone on a corner in a city.(usually)

          Heroin addicts wind up losing touch with friends, except for possible "running partners" if they are at that stage, and that is simply to use each other mostly for means to get dope.

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        • wigz

          lol, people who do drugs always have places to go. The last place they want to be is home with family. Drugs are typically not a solitary habit, even if the person is asocial. You have to have a network of support (dealers, go-betweens, flop houses, etc) and you become other user's support too.

          She wouldn't call you to pick her up if she missed the bus because she was high. 2 days later, maybe, but not right away.

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          • Whyaskme

            Heroin is a solitary use drug. Heroin dealers are not like weed dealers. Heroin is usually bought from someone on a corner in a city.(usually)

            Heroin addicts wind up losing touch with friends, except for possible "running partners" if they are at that stage, and that is simply to use each other mostly for means to get dope.

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            • wigz

              No, it's definitely not a solitary use drug. There is a huge dependency on others for this drug. Dope sickness basically requires a huge social network to avoid it. It's not like many other drugs where you just'want' them, you NEED heroin to exist and function.

              Practically nobody ever started using heroin alone. Nobody keeps doing it alone either because they all use each other endlessly.

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  • Sarajeremy

    If the spoons are missing lm 100 percent sure she's doing heroin. Talk to her about it. This is not normal. She needs to go to rehab

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  • Waitforit25

    I was a heroin user and when I say it completely changed my personality it did. I never had money for food or clothes or gas but i never went without dope. Your daughter admitting is really a good sign. I went to rehab really far away from my house after a few cold turkey fails. I highly suggest not using methadone or suboxone (heroin substitutes issued by dr) its only legal heroin and just as dangerous. Getting help is easy if shes looking for it. Goodluck prayers for you.

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  • So, I just found out my daughter has been using heroin... I can't believe it.
    I just don't know what to do. I sat down with her and asked her if there are any problems she is having that she wants to talk about, and be honest with me. I voiced my concerns to her, and she broke down and admitted that she has been using. For 5 months! She said it helps her to deal with her anxiety and depression, and if taken away then she won't cope without it. I looked through her phone and found contacts for drug dealers! It turns out that someone from college got her into drugs and she goes to the park (by herself) in order to get high. Before now I never would have expected this from her. She is not like the kind of "rebel teen" that you hear about.
    Needles to say I have taken away her phone, and confiscated all paraphernalia. What do I do nexT? I want to help her - she is my daughter. And as you can probably tell I'm still shocked. I know it will be really hard for her, but I need to help her come off this awful drug. Does anyone have any kind of advice for me and my daughter? She needs help. Right away.

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    • RoseIsabella

      Send her to rehab, preferably to a facility that is out of your city or state! Tell her she must break all ties with her so called drug friends, not just the drug dealers. When she comes back she will need to go to therapy and a twelve step program. The people she meets in program need to be about recovery, not about socializing. She needs to find a sponsor who has very long-term sobriety. She should also need to take random drug tests to prove she's not using as a condition of her return to your home after rehab. Love your daughter, but don't let her walk all over you. Drug addicts are opportunistic users, and nothing matters more to them than getting high, I'm sorry, but it's true.

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    • wigz

      She probably just told you that to get you off her back.

      If she really was on heroin, the most vital thing is a medical detox. Detox off opiates is hell and is the main thing that keeps people using after they are addicted. Ease into it, support her and baby the withdrawal, don't be a self-righteous know it all and don't say I told ya so and don't minimize her suffering. And she will probably relapse, either support her or completely cut her off. Don't half support her and try to control her.

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    • genericusername

      Honestly helping your daughter may involve talking to the police. Better yet these dealers are going around hurting other good students and their parents most likely don't know about it. I doubt she would go to jail, but you need to get her into rehab as soon as possible. Heroin is such an addictive substance and a guy at my school overdosed by doing it once. The grief stricken look on his parents' face at his funeral is not something you want to go through, so act now.

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      • wigz

        Oh yeah, a felony charge always helps people succeed in life.

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  • rayb12

    Leave some clean needles out

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  • yasss

    I think is more likely depression and maybe anxiety. Having cutlery go missing is odd though.

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    • Whyaskme

      That's because it is drugs.

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  • Babuli

    I am from India and I have seen kids suffering from similar problems. You just need to be more involved with her

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  • Babuli

    I think your daughter is suffering from depression and anxiety, you being mother need to be more close to her, you may like to plan some activity together at home or outdoor. May be a small trip to a place together can be helpful. If you wish you can also plan for a council

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