K well honestly, girls can get a little put off sometimes by overzealous attention. I'm not saying that you may be creepy or anything, I'm saying that our radar sometimes tells us to be cautious of the person who is watching us closely. (think of how handy it is at night or a bar.) So, she may actually be trying to put a little distance in, to evaluate you. Whether you think you're obvious or not, we can tell.
Second thing is that you need to be more confident in yourself. You talk about how sad and depressed and infatuated you are, and while that can be sweet, a relationship isn't necessarily going to solve those things for you. Yes relationships are wonderful things with awesome experiences, but you need to learn to love yourself as much as possible, just as she needs the same love of herself. Why? Well, you can love someone only so much if you don't know how to really love yourself.
Finally, the best solution I can give you is to just stop feeling sorry for yourself and TALK to her. What is the worst possible thing that could happen? If you're afraid of rejection, do you honestly think you're going to avoid it your whole life? Afraid of a breakup or fight, honey every relationship goes through at least one of those. It's not about trying to make everything perfect fairy tale life, wedding, job and kids... Life is about how you handle the challenges.
I don't intend for this to sound cynical or mean, but there are only so many ways I can type this out so I'll just be straightforward.... I would love to tell you that your situation is unique. I really would. It makes people feel better to think that they are a special case. But, this situation is not unique. People go through the same thing every day. Some people come in swinging for what they want. Some just passively back out, disappear from it. Some sit on the side and just feel sorry for themselves as they let other people decide for them. What sets each case apart is the way it is handled. And that is what you need to decide. I'm not criticizing you, please understand that this is just another bit of advice from me. But eventually you are going to have to have a good long chat with yourself. I've given all the help I can think of. At some point, you are going to have to take action, because advice is just words, and you are the one in charge of the outcome.
and also, I stated that she treat me like no one, because when I compare me and other friends, she really doesn't give me "any" attention. like I wrote earlier, she says "one minute" most of the time when I talk to her, while she doesn't to others. and she'd be "listening" to my stories, until someone, just do anything. she doesn't treat me as nice as she used to, I'm guessing she's treating me worse than anyone and my friends have also told her how she treat me badly. I know, why do I like her? all I can see is how she's treating me harshly, but I still can't get out of it. and the fact that she's doing those things to me, I get more depressed and leads me to be quiet around people. yet, she really never ask me what's wrong, while she always do when some others are even a little bit different.... Talking is probably the best thing. But when I talk to her privately, I'm the only one who talks, she just "agrees" with me and say some nice things to make me feel better... I just miss how she used to treat me and her smile she gave me. Thanks again for giving me advice
Well, if you truly feel that you are being rejected, you should act based on that. You could
A) tell her how you feel anyways (it.may be a relief to you even if she says she doesnt feel the same), then either stay friends or part ways if you cant stand it,
B) hide it, get over it & stay friends (not always the most emotionally healthy option), or
C) cut your ties from her completely.
I'm actually thinking to tell her, let her know how I feel and explain some things. I'd rather be rejected than regret it all my life. I should tell her as soon as possible, too. So then I have chance to make it up if it gets awkward.. I'll ask. Thank you so much for your advice. I'll let you know how it goes (:
Hi, it's been about a week since i promised that i will tell her. I am here to tell you that I just did. in person. yes, very awkward. but i wasn't telling her that to see if anything happens, i told her to get it out of my mind; i think i'm kinda relieved haha.. well she didn't really have anything to say, and i let her go to her room as she was about to go to sleep when i told her this. I couldn't really tell her everything I was thinking. maybe that's good, maybe that's bad. thank you for letting me realize things thou. i looked at myself over the week and noticed a lot of things of me and her. it was obvious that she didn't like me. i was below her friend level. probably just an annoying guy who happens to be living in her dorm. As i told her this, i think i'm free from it now. we probably will be just "friends" like we are now.... or maybe just be awkward everytime we see each other.
the point is that i did something i haven't done before and i feel good. i'm not worried about what will happen between her. I saw her reactions when I told her; i ccould tell she didn't have anything to say, she was shocked. she told me i'm an "awesome friend" while i feel like she's not even my friend....... which i knew was gonna happen. well, i'm only a freshmen experienceing what is going on.
ugh i can't organize anything! i'm still frozen from the moment i told her. sorry if this whole thing doesn't mean anything. I... was convincing myself everything is okay... thank you very much for your advice.
Good to hear you feel better. It is always a little awkward for a bit, but it goes away. At least you're not worrying anymore :-D Good luck and enjoy school.
thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. confidence has been my problem since I was a little kid. I hear a lot that I think too much. that might be something that causes my confidence problem; I'd be really harsh to myself. but I love how I've fixed many things by thinking over them and I'm not sure if there's ever thinking "too much". so I'm gonna think little more about this before I talk to her about this. I want to make sure things will go right way when I tell her. I have a great feeling that she likes my friend very much and I don't think it's a good idea to just tell her my feelings when she likes someone else. one day, I will be straight forward just tell her.
my question is, before the summer break? or after? I won't be in US over the break...
I wouldn't put a time limit on it. Do it whenever you are most comfortable. Though if you ask sooner, you both might have the summer to think it over/bond/grow, whatever way it swings. You could also talk to your friend, say "hey, I think she likes you, do you like her?" bc if he says no, then it wont hurt to tell her your feelings.
Is it normal i'm going through all this mental stuff?
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K well honestly, girls can get a little put off sometimes by overzealous attention. I'm not saying that you may be creepy or anything, I'm saying that our radar sometimes tells us to be cautious of the person who is watching us closely. (think of how handy it is at night or a bar.) So, she may actually be trying to put a little distance in, to evaluate you. Whether you think you're obvious or not, we can tell.
Second thing is that you need to be more confident in yourself. You talk about how sad and depressed and infatuated you are, and while that can be sweet, a relationship isn't necessarily going to solve those things for you. Yes relationships are wonderful things with awesome experiences, but you need to learn to love yourself as much as possible, just as she needs the same love of herself. Why? Well, you can love someone only so much if you don't know how to really love yourself.
Finally, the best solution I can give you is to just stop feeling sorry for yourself and TALK to her. What is the worst possible thing that could happen? If you're afraid of rejection, do you honestly think you're going to avoid it your whole life? Afraid of a breakup or fight, honey every relationship goes through at least one of those. It's not about trying to make everything perfect fairy tale life, wedding, job and kids... Life is about how you handle the challenges.
I don't intend for this to sound cynical or mean, but there are only so many ways I can type this out so I'll just be straightforward.... I would love to tell you that your situation is unique. I really would. It makes people feel better to think that they are a special case. But, this situation is not unique. People go through the same thing every day. Some people come in swinging for what they want. Some just passively back out, disappear from it. Some sit on the side and just feel sorry for themselves as they let other people decide for them. What sets each case apart is the way it is handled. And that is what you need to decide. I'm not criticizing you, please understand that this is just another bit of advice from me. But eventually you are going to have to have a good long chat with yourself. I've given all the help I can think of. At some point, you are going to have to take action, because advice is just words, and you are the one in charge of the outcome.
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and also, I stated that she treat me like no one, because when I compare me and other friends, she really doesn't give me "any" attention. like I wrote earlier, she says "one minute" most of the time when I talk to her, while she doesn't to others. and she'd be "listening" to my stories, until someone, just do anything. she doesn't treat me as nice as she used to, I'm guessing she's treating me worse than anyone and my friends have also told her how she treat me badly. I know, why do I like her? all I can see is how she's treating me harshly, but I still can't get out of it. and the fact that she's doing those things to me, I get more depressed and leads me to be quiet around people. yet, she really never ask me what's wrong, while she always do when some others are even a little bit different.... Talking is probably the best thing. But when I talk to her privately, I'm the only one who talks, she just "agrees" with me and say some nice things to make me feel better... I just miss how she used to treat me and her smile she gave me. Thanks again for giving me advice
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Well, if you truly feel that you are being rejected, you should act based on that. You could
A) tell her how you feel anyways (it.may be a relief to you even if she says she doesnt feel the same), then either stay friends or part ways if you cant stand it,
B) hide it, get over it & stay friends (not always the most emotionally healthy option), or
C) cut your ties from her completely.
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I'm actually thinking to tell her, let her know how I feel and explain some things. I'd rather be rejected than regret it all my life. I should tell her as soon as possible, too. So then I have chance to make it up if it gets awkward.. I'll ask. Thank you so much for your advice. I'll let you know how it goes (:
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tbiM20
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Good luck :-)
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Hi, it's been about a week since i promised that i will tell her. I am here to tell you that I just did. in person. yes, very awkward. but i wasn't telling her that to see if anything happens, i told her to get it out of my mind; i think i'm kinda relieved haha.. well she didn't really have anything to say, and i let her go to her room as she was about to go to sleep when i told her this. I couldn't really tell her everything I was thinking. maybe that's good, maybe that's bad. thank you for letting me realize things thou. i looked at myself over the week and noticed a lot of things of me and her. it was obvious that she didn't like me. i was below her friend level. probably just an annoying guy who happens to be living in her dorm. As i told her this, i think i'm free from it now. we probably will be just "friends" like we are now.... or maybe just be awkward everytime we see each other.
the point is that i did something i haven't done before and i feel good. i'm not worried about what will happen between her. I saw her reactions when I told her; i ccould tell she didn't have anything to say, she was shocked. she told me i'm an "awesome friend" while i feel like she's not even my friend....... which i knew was gonna happen. well, i'm only a freshmen experienceing what is going on.
ugh i can't organize anything! i'm still frozen from the moment i told her. sorry if this whole thing doesn't mean anything. I... was convincing myself everything is okay... thank you very much for your advice.
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tbiM20
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Good to hear you feel better. It is always a little awkward for a bit, but it goes away. At least you're not worrying anymore :-D Good luck and enjoy school.
thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it. confidence has been my problem since I was a little kid. I hear a lot that I think too much. that might be something that causes my confidence problem; I'd be really harsh to myself. but I love how I've fixed many things by thinking over them and I'm not sure if there's ever thinking "too much". so I'm gonna think little more about this before I talk to her about this. I want to make sure things will go right way when I tell her. I have a great feeling that she likes my friend very much and I don't think it's a good idea to just tell her my feelings when she likes someone else. one day, I will be straight forward just tell her.
my question is, before the summer break? or after? I won't be in US over the break...
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tbiM20
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I wouldn't put a time limit on it. Do it whenever you are most comfortable. Though if you ask sooner, you both might have the summer to think it over/bond/grow, whatever way it swings. You could also talk to your friend, say "hey, I think she likes you, do you like her?" bc if he says no, then it wont hurt to tell her your feelings.