That's a long read, so let's see if I can answer right...
I'm 23-year-old female, just graduated college.
First off, as a freshman in college, this girl will be looking all around for new experiences. Don't be surprised if you're getting mixed signals or if she seems scattered... she really is, bc she doesn't know better. It's the first time most of you have lived independently, managed your own money, your own schedules... it is a little overwhelming.
Second, by avoiding eye contact you are taking away any opportunity for her to make eye contact with you. Maybe she determined that you weren't responding to her signals, so you didn't like her & she decided to move on. It happens.
Third, if you like her, just sum up the courage and ask her out! You don't have to say a date... ask if she wants to go to the bookstore, the mall, or even the cafeteria! The worst thing you can do for yourself is to keep guessing.
Fourth, bad memory DOES happen. Us girls do stupid things (&you guys do some dumb stuff too) that can be interpreted completely wrong. Trust her if she says her memory is bad. In fact, I used to FALL ASLEEP when I was kissing my bf. Granted it was usually past 10 pm, but I fell asleep while KISSING! Talk about signals... but my bf understood it wasn't intentional, it just happens.
Basically, if you like her, ask her on a date. If you think you like her, ask her on a kinda-date. You'll just screw with yourself if you keep this up.
thank you for reading all that and an awesome response. but there's more things that I should have clarified more. yes, she and I are new to college and all, but, she lived in a boarding school for high school that she's been away from her parents. and I am in a situation where I went all my high school years without living with my parents. so we're basically used to this situation.
Thou, I understand what you are saying; and i'd like to say I have tried things. however, some things just don't work out in our situation. we live in a very very small dorm plus an anti social dorm that we basically eat every meal together.. and of course, i asked her to eat out with me, except she has "bad memory skills" to ever remember.. and she also brought her room mate to eat when i asked her to eat breakfast with me (as in alone; and i usually never eat breakfast)...
and I do look at her. in fact, I'm always the one staring at her... wanting her to give me some attention, not my friend. I try all those things to give her "signals" that I shows that I like her.
as to think of it, you are right about how i was thinking about her more as i tell myself to move on every single moment. I guess I think of her all day to try to "forget" about her. I wonder what will stop all this..
From my experience, some sort of resolution will normally help. Even if she rejects you, would you rather have that finite answer than the constant nagging what-ifs? So, my suggestion would be to ask her casually if she would like to go out sometime. It doesn't have to be something big, candle light dinner or anything. But make your feelings obvious to her, so she can make hers obvious to you.
well.. my question is should I ever ask her as in tell her? or should I just move on. I once was going to tell her that I really like her. but, I got nervous and... talked about other things... I told her I'm gonna change myself and try to be someone else. I wanted to know if she'd stop me, which could also mean she wants me to stay the same or not(which could also mean she likes me). well, it didn't work out that well..
as you already know many things about it. and I'd love it if you can help me with little more about the this situaion with more specific details.
this girl is really different from others. she's really nice, bright, and innocent. I consider her personality as the best personality to have; I love how she is. And she's always happy and she's never really mad. she doesn't drink, smoke, or doesn't party either. and she's nice to everyone, take care of herself and caring. I really like the fact that her and I have so many common interests. those are the reasons that I really like her, and reason i can't forget about her either. anything I do reminds me of her... what do you think..?
Let me answer your question with a question, so I can better advise you...
What do you want out of your relationship with her? Close friendship? A date? Love? Monogamy? General closeness and understanding? Explain what it is you feel that you are missing in your current relationship with her, what you want it to be.
well... I'd love to be her anything more than a friend. but as what I see, I think I don't know what I can be with her. so I started to think that I'd be happy just as a friend, if I can just move on and not held on to this...
I'm really depressed nowadays. when we're hanging out together and all, and she only gives other people attention but i'm treated like no one. she always says "one minute" when I talk to her while she's doing something, but then she would quit her work and talk to others when they're talking to each other, not her..
I get really really happy when I'm with her and when she gives me attention. so I just want to be her friend, if I can make her like her, I'd love to date her, and in a worst case scenario, I just want myself away from the hurtful feelings.
1. I doubt she is intentionally treating you like no one. We rarely do that, & you said yourself she is nice & innocent, so do you really think she is ACTUALLY treating you like no one? She may be being a little stupid, but unlikely outright mean.
2. You'll have to learn, you cannot "make" anyone like you. You can't convince them, either. You can change their perspective of you, but you can't train someone to like that perspective.
3. I think the cause of #1 is why you are so sad. So... QUIT READING STUFF FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN WHAT IT IS! ;-) Girls can be stupid, but we're rarely outright mean... and you won't have any doubts about when we're actually mean.
Oh yeah, & by constantly thinking about how you need to forget her, you are setting yourself up to be that much more focused on her. So, you seem to have a crush on her. If you ask her on a date & she says yes, you got a date! If she says no, you have a resolution! It is that simple.
Is it normal i'm going through all this mental stuff?
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That's a long read, so let's see if I can answer right...
I'm 23-year-old female, just graduated college.
First off, as a freshman in college, this girl will be looking all around for new experiences. Don't be surprised if you're getting mixed signals or if she seems scattered... she really is, bc she doesn't know better. It's the first time most of you have lived independently, managed your own money, your own schedules... it is a little overwhelming.
Second, by avoiding eye contact you are taking away any opportunity for her to make eye contact with you. Maybe she determined that you weren't responding to her signals, so you didn't like her & she decided to move on. It happens.
Third, if you like her, just sum up the courage and ask her out! You don't have to say a date... ask if she wants to go to the bookstore, the mall, or even the cafeteria! The worst thing you can do for yourself is to keep guessing.
Fourth, bad memory DOES happen. Us girls do stupid things (&you guys do some dumb stuff too) that can be interpreted completely wrong. Trust her if she says her memory is bad. In fact, I used to FALL ASLEEP when I was kissing my bf. Granted it was usually past 10 pm, but I fell asleep while KISSING! Talk about signals... but my bf understood it wasn't intentional, it just happens.
Basically, if you like her, ask her on a date. If you think you like her, ask her on a kinda-date. You'll just screw with yourself if you keep this up.
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tbiM20
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thank you for reading all that and an awesome response. but there's more things that I should have clarified more. yes, she and I are new to college and all, but, she lived in a boarding school for high school that she's been away from her parents. and I am in a situation where I went all my high school years without living with my parents. so we're basically used to this situation.
Thou, I understand what you are saying; and i'd like to say I have tried things. however, some things just don't work out in our situation. we live in a very very small dorm plus an anti social dorm that we basically eat every meal together.. and of course, i asked her to eat out with me, except she has "bad memory skills" to ever remember.. and she also brought her room mate to eat when i asked her to eat breakfast with me (as in alone; and i usually never eat breakfast)...
and I do look at her. in fact, I'm always the one staring at her... wanting her to give me some attention, not my friend. I try all those things to give her "signals" that I shows that I like her.
as to think of it, you are right about how i was thinking about her more as i tell myself to move on every single moment. I guess I think of her all day to try to "forget" about her. I wonder what will stop all this..
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tbiM20
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From my experience, some sort of resolution will normally help. Even if she rejects you, would you rather have that finite answer than the constant nagging what-ifs? So, my suggestion would be to ask her casually if she would like to go out sometime. It doesn't have to be something big, candle light dinner or anything. But make your feelings obvious to her, so she can make hers obvious to you.
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well.. my question is should I ever ask her as in tell her? or should I just move on. I once was going to tell her that I really like her. but, I got nervous and... talked about other things... I told her I'm gonna change myself and try to be someone else. I wanted to know if she'd stop me, which could also mean she wants me to stay the same or not(which could also mean she likes me). well, it didn't work out that well..
as you already know many things about it. and I'd love it if you can help me with little more about the this situaion with more specific details.
this girl is really different from others. she's really nice, bright, and innocent. I consider her personality as the best personality to have; I love how she is. And she's always happy and she's never really mad. she doesn't drink, smoke, or doesn't party either. and she's nice to everyone, take care of herself and caring. I really like the fact that her and I have so many common interests. those are the reasons that I really like her, and reason i can't forget about her either. anything I do reminds me of her... what do you think..?
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tbiM20
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Let me answer your question with a question, so I can better advise you...
What do you want out of your relationship with her? Close friendship? A date? Love? Monogamy? General closeness and understanding? Explain what it is you feel that you are missing in your current relationship with her, what you want it to be.
As for what I think: I think you're smitten :)
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well... I'd love to be her anything more than a friend. but as what I see, I think I don't know what I can be with her. so I started to think that I'd be happy just as a friend, if I can just move on and not held on to this...
I'm really depressed nowadays. when we're hanging out together and all, and she only gives other people attention but i'm treated like no one. she always says "one minute" when I talk to her while she's doing something, but then she would quit her work and talk to others when they're talking to each other, not her..
I get really really happy when I'm with her and when she gives me attention. so I just want to be her friend, if I can make her like her, I'd love to date her, and in a worst case scenario, I just want myself away from the hurtful feelings.
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tbiM20
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A couple pointers...
1. I doubt she is intentionally treating you like no one. We rarely do that, & you said yourself she is nice & innocent, so do you really think she is ACTUALLY treating you like no one? She may be being a little stupid, but unlikely outright mean.
2. You'll have to learn, you cannot "make" anyone like you. You can't convince them, either. You can change their perspective of you, but you can't train someone to like that perspective.
3. I think the cause of #1 is why you are so sad. So... QUIT READING STUFF FOR ANYTHING MORE THAN WHAT IT IS! ;-) Girls can be stupid, but we're rarely outright mean... and you won't have any doubts about when we're actually mean.
Oh yeah, & by constantly thinking about how you need to forget her, you are setting yourself up to be that much more focused on her. So, you seem to have a crush on her. If you ask her on a date & she says yes, you got a date! If she says no, you have a resolution! It is that simple.