The feelings you've expressed would qualify you for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. It sounds to me like you are transgender. I think you should find an LGBT-affirming counselor or psychologist so you can explore these feelings in a safe, confidential setting. If you do want to transition, then they can help you do that. If not, then that's also totally ok! It's your body, and your life, and if transitioning socially and/or physically would help you accept yourself and live a healthier, happier life, then I'd say go for it!
I'm not gonna pretend that that's easy, though. The issues you mention with your family are no joke and really common for people in the LGBT+ community. That stuff does make it really hard to pursue transitioning if you're considering it. That fear is justified and it is risky, and you know your family best, so whatever you do, it's in your best interest to hide it from them it sounds like.
You could maybe start hormone therapy as a first step to transitioning, and if you're seeing a therapist and a doctor for that treatment then it is none of their business. I know that won't necessarily stop them from prying, but you're under no obligation to tell them about that stuff.
Whatever you do, be safe. Maybe check out some supportive online LGBT communities for some emotional support.
The psychology Today website has a helpful search function where you can look for therapists in your area,and you can specify LGBT issues as a specialty in an advanced search: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gender
Take care!
Is it normal I hate being born female?
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The feelings you've expressed would qualify you for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. It sounds to me like you are transgender. I think you should find an LGBT-affirming counselor or psychologist so you can explore these feelings in a safe, confidential setting. If you do want to transition, then they can help you do that. If not, then that's also totally ok! It's your body, and your life, and if transitioning socially and/or physically would help you accept yourself and live a healthier, happier life, then I'd say go for it!
I'm not gonna pretend that that's easy, though. The issues you mention with your family are no joke and really common for people in the LGBT+ community. That stuff does make it really hard to pursue transitioning if you're considering it. That fear is justified and it is risky, and you know your family best, so whatever you do, it's in your best interest to hide it from them it sounds like.
You could maybe start hormone therapy as a first step to transitioning, and if you're seeing a therapist and a doctor for that treatment then it is none of their business. I know that won't necessarily stop them from prying, but you're under no obligation to tell them about that stuff.
Whatever you do, be safe. Maybe check out some supportive online LGBT communities for some emotional support.
The psychology Today website has a helpful search function where you can look for therapists in your area,and you can specify LGBT issues as a specialty in an advanced search: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gender
Take care!