I agree with ItDuz as I commented about the chasing & competing aspect. However, as a female, I may have a slightly different experience/perspective.
In any case, you do sound like a quality guy, the kind most girls really want to be with.
Being female, I do have one piece of advice for you, though: do at least let the female know you are interested in them. That's all you really need to do. As soon as they know that, it's between you and her, not anyone else. When a girl is genuinely interested in you, there's really no competition.
"When a girl is genuinely interested in you, there's really no competition."
That is seriously one of the best things I have read on here, if not the best. Although it is a simple comment, it really helps a lot. I mean when I read that, it made my decision super easy on whether or not this girl likes me. Sadly it's a no then. Seeing as how you seem so full of wisdom, do you believe that guys and girls can have good, platonic relationships? Or is that not possible? And if it is, is it worth it in your opinion?
I ask because the girl I like, who I now think only likes me as a friend thanks to you, does like to hang out with me and stuff so is it worth it to be friends with her? I mean it seems like it will be torture being a good friend of hers and nothing more...what do you think?
Though I will give the disclaimer that I don't know the entire situation and am basing this advice you requested on what I've heard and my own experience, my advice on this situation is:
1.) Sure, stay friends. But for your own emotional and mental stability, cut way back on the interactions for now. See her much more sporadically (like if you see her three times a week now, cut down to once per week, or three times every two weeks, and taper off more gradually if you can). Force yourself to do it for the first, Idk, three months or so. It might be difficult, but do it anyway. Calendar it if you have to.
2.) In the meantime, work on improving yourself and doing things that make you feel fulfilled. These kinds of things build your confidence and make you mentally healthier overall, as well as making you more attractive not only to the opposite sex, but to everyone. You'll start noticing it.
3.) Whenever you find yourself thinking about her wistfully with the "What if"s and "if only"s, say out loud (if environmentally appropriate): "Just friends," and visualize yourself during an instance or moment you've shared where you thought, "Wow, she's a great friend," and that's all, and you were happy about it. Play it over and over in your head until you get distracted by something else. It will make you sick of thinking of her after awhile (in a good way) and force you to think of her as "just a friend" first, making interactions with her less "torturous."
4.) Finally, and a word of caution will follow quickly: really involve yourself in that self-improvement stuff (not in a vain way, but in what can you do for others type thing), and you'll notice much more attention from females who will like you for you, and you will very likely soon be surprised to find they are trying to compete for *you*. Another phenomena that occurs sometimes, especially with us fickle females, is that when this female you speak of starts to realize your interest is not as fixated on her, she might start getting more interested in *you*. It just happens sometimes. That being said (here's that word of caution I mentioned): don't do the above actions with that goal/hope/possibility in mind, unless you are so despondent it is the only way you can motivate yourself to get started on it (and it doesn't seem like you're at that point, thankfully, so just don't). There's a good chance this won't happen, but there's a chance it might. If it happens, it happens. If it does happen, you may likely find yourself to seriously be considering her as only a friend and not consider her as anything more at that point. And if that happens, it is also very likely that by that time you will already have a significant other who will be invested in you for you and vice-versa.
Thank you very very much. Everything you said makes so much sense and helps me out a lot. I am nominating you for the best IIN poster because you are wise and are able to make so much sense of a situation that you barely know. I wish I could give you an award haha
You're welcome, and thanks again for the compliment! I appreciate it and more importantly, I'm glad it helped you. That's reward enough, I suppose, haha, because that was the goal of the advice.
You seem very balanced and intelligent, with good intentions. Keep honing yourself, and I think you'll find success sooner rather than later.
Is it normal I don't try to compete with other guys for girls?
← View full post
I agree with ItDuz as I commented about the chasing & competing aspect. However, as a female, I may have a slightly different experience/perspective.
In any case, you do sound like a quality guy, the kind most girls really want to be with.
Being female, I do have one piece of advice for you, though: do at least let the female know you are interested in them. That's all you really need to do. As soon as they know that, it's between you and her, not anyone else. When a girl is genuinely interested in you, there's really no competition.
--
summersjohn47
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
"When a girl is genuinely interested in you, there's really no competition."
That is seriously one of the best things I have read on here, if not the best. Although it is a simple comment, it really helps a lot. I mean when I read that, it made my decision super easy on whether or not this girl likes me. Sadly it's a no then. Seeing as how you seem so full of wisdom, do you believe that guys and girls can have good, platonic relationships? Or is that not possible? And if it is, is it worth it in your opinion?
I ask because the girl I like, who I now think only likes me as a friend thanks to you, does like to hang out with me and stuff so is it worth it to be friends with her? I mean it seems like it will be torture being a good friend of hers and nothing more...what do you think?
--
ifonlyuknew247
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
2
2
Well first of all, thank you for the compliment.
Though I will give the disclaimer that I don't know the entire situation and am basing this advice you requested on what I've heard and my own experience, my advice on this situation is:
1.) Sure, stay friends. But for your own emotional and mental stability, cut way back on the interactions for now. See her much more sporadically (like if you see her three times a week now, cut down to once per week, or three times every two weeks, and taper off more gradually if you can). Force yourself to do it for the first, Idk, three months or so. It might be difficult, but do it anyway. Calendar it if you have to.
2.) In the meantime, work on improving yourself and doing things that make you feel fulfilled. These kinds of things build your confidence and make you mentally healthier overall, as well as making you more attractive not only to the opposite sex, but to everyone. You'll start noticing it.
3.) Whenever you find yourself thinking about her wistfully with the "What if"s and "if only"s, say out loud (if environmentally appropriate): "Just friends," and visualize yourself during an instance or moment you've shared where you thought, "Wow, she's a great friend," and that's all, and you were happy about it. Play it over and over in your head until you get distracted by something else. It will make you sick of thinking of her after awhile (in a good way) and force you to think of her as "just a friend" first, making interactions with her less "torturous."
4.) Finally, and a word of caution will follow quickly: really involve yourself in that self-improvement stuff (not in a vain way, but in what can you do for others type thing), and you'll notice much more attention from females who will like you for you, and you will very likely soon be surprised to find they are trying to compete for *you*. Another phenomena that occurs sometimes, especially with us fickle females, is that when this female you speak of starts to realize your interest is not as fixated on her, she might start getting more interested in *you*. It just happens sometimes. That being said (here's that word of caution I mentioned): don't do the above actions with that goal/hope/possibility in mind, unless you are so despondent it is the only way you can motivate yourself to get started on it (and it doesn't seem like you're at that point, thankfully, so just don't). There's a good chance this won't happen, but there's a chance it might. If it happens, it happens. If it does happen, you may likely find yourself to seriously be considering her as only a friend and not consider her as anything more at that point. And if that happens, it is also very likely that by that time you will already have a significant other who will be invested in you for you and vice-versa.
Best of luck to you.
--
summersjohn47
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
Thank you very very much. Everything you said makes so much sense and helps me out a lot. I am nominating you for the best IIN poster because you are wise and are able to make so much sense of a situation that you barely know. I wish I could give you an award haha
--
ifonlyuknew247
10 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
You're welcome, and thanks again for the compliment! I appreciate it and more importantly, I'm glad it helped you. That's reward enough, I suppose, haha, because that was the goal of the advice.
You seem very balanced and intelligent, with good intentions. Keep honing yourself, and I think you'll find success sooner rather than later.