Is it normal: i despise myself

I feel the same. :-(

Sack up bitch. I have clinical depression and personality disorder and I take meds for it. I don't cry like a girl about it.

I've been a sufferer of self harm since I was about 9. At the time I didn't think it was self harm and I juts simply dug a sharp object across my arm now and then. It progressed to the stage where I've been hospitalized more times than I can count. I had a very troubled childhood and the life I lead up until I ran away from home I'm not proud of and I still struggle day-to-day with self harm. I don't hide my scars any more, I used to wear lots of bracelets and sometimes I used this special effects make up that only came off when you scrubbed it. I was known as the loner in school, no one had heard me talk until year 10. (or 10th grade) I have over 300 scars all over my body which are only the ones that I can count not the ones I've done in the past. Scars are very hard to conceal and with people asking questions and ridiculing you before they know what happened doesn't help the situation.
Now I'm 19, have an amazing boyfriend and couldn't care less what people thought of me. If they want to stare and say things, let them. They can't bring you any lower than you've already been before and say to yourself 'Do you really want to have to take this journey all over again?' That's my deterrent.
I completely understand your feelings of nothingness, I still get it. My mum was a drunk who used to shout and hit me as a child. My dad was a druggie and he too used to hit me right up until I ran away from home. I've cut all ties with them and couldn't care less what happened to them. Last I heard my mum had died of some heart problems and my dad was put into an insane asylum. I have an amazing boyfriend who comforts me, loves me and is always there to pick me up when I fall. We live together and I paid for myself to get into Uni for photography and interior design.
You make yourself and I don't mean to sound offensive but you can't let anyone hold you back from achieving what you want in life. You make your life better, no one can do it for you, you just need the motivation and think to yourself you deserve better because I can tell you from the bottom of my heart; I don't regret a single thing.

OP - im like the same. i can relate.

It gets better. Promise. I recently went through this but if you just go through the motions it gets easier. It never completely goes away unless you work at it but it does get better :)

You're not a bad person and you don't deserve to suffer. We all have difficult times in our lives (some of us more than we deserve) but the wisest girl in the world once told me "Nothing lasts forever".

Bad times will pass. Good times too, but you can enjoy the good while you have it. While you've got the bad, think about the good that's coming. And take care.