I've voted Normal, because we all have the right to decide what we do and don't want to do and be done to us.
However, my history means that I believe a woman who refuses to let someone go down on her isn't doing herself any favours.
My second wife was perfectly happy to give me oral without me even asking, but she had serious hang-ups about her vagina. She wouldn't let me go down on her, she wouldn't let me put a finger in her, and penetration with toys was completely out of the question.
We were together for more than twenty years before her death, and the sexual side of our marriage was pretty good in a vanilla sort of way. I didn't have any serious problems with how often we had sex, and I have no doubts that she enjoyed what we did and she often had multiple orgasms. But looking back on the relationship now, I feel sadness that she was never able to be more sexually free, and disappointment at my failure to help her identify and work through whatever trauma or screwed-up messages she'd internalised that led to her feel that her vagina was filthy and disgusting.
What I mainly felt at the time was niggling annoyance that an intelligent woman whom I loved and who loved me didn't trust me enough to let me put my mouth on her vagina or my fingers in her. I knew that if she could just chill a little, she'd almost certainly find that I could do things that felt very nice, but after periodically suggesting and trying to go down on her in our first few years together, I just gave up on the idea.
Still, it always felt like rejection.
My first relationship after her death didn't last long for various non-sexual reasons, but that woman was seriously into receiving oral. A large part of our first weekend together was spent with my face between her legs, and it continued to be an important part of our sex. That was wonderful. The pleasure she got from it made me feel better about myself since it confirmed that I had decent cunnilingus skills, but it also triggered the feeling of sadness that my late wife had wilfully shut herself off from something that she could have really enjoyed.
Typically when a woman doesn't want someone going down on her,could be because at some point a previous lover complained about her scent.
"annoyance that an intelligent woman whom I loved and who loved me didn't trust me enough to let me put my mouth on her vagina or my fingers in her."
It had nothing to do with you, just something maybe happened at some point that she would not talk to anyone about. Women are self-conscious of their scent anyways, even if someone tells them it is sexy.
Intellectually, I did understand that, but I also felt what I felt.
Over the years, there were occasional hints that something unpleasant had happened with a man when she was a child, and I knew that a couple of her adult relationships with guys were difficult (at the very least), but she kept a wall up around those things. She clearly didn't want to talk about them, and I didn't push it.
Like I said, I think it's sad she was never able to be more accepting of her body and her sexuality. She accomplished quite a bit in her life, but she wasn't able to fully and freely experience that aspect of being human.
IIN I'd Be Willing To Give Oral But Not Receive It?
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I've voted Normal, because we all have the right to decide what we do and don't want to do and be done to us.
However, my history means that I believe a woman who refuses to let someone go down on her isn't doing herself any favours.
My second wife was perfectly happy to give me oral without me even asking, but she had serious hang-ups about her vagina. She wouldn't let me go down on her, she wouldn't let me put a finger in her, and penetration with toys was completely out of the question.
We were together for more than twenty years before her death, and the sexual side of our marriage was pretty good in a vanilla sort of way. I didn't have any serious problems with how often we had sex, and I have no doubts that she enjoyed what we did and she often had multiple orgasms. But looking back on the relationship now, I feel sadness that she was never able to be more sexually free, and disappointment at my failure to help her identify and work through whatever trauma or screwed-up messages she'd internalised that led to her feel that her vagina was filthy and disgusting.
What I mainly felt at the time was niggling annoyance that an intelligent woman whom I loved and who loved me didn't trust me enough to let me put my mouth on her vagina or my fingers in her. I knew that if she could just chill a little, she'd almost certainly find that I could do things that felt very nice, but after periodically suggesting and trying to go down on her in our first few years together, I just gave up on the idea.
Still, it always felt like rejection.
My first relationship after her death didn't last long for various non-sexual reasons, but that woman was seriously into receiving oral. A large part of our first weekend together was spent with my face between her legs, and it continued to be an important part of our sex. That was wonderful. The pleasure she got from it made me feel better about myself since it confirmed that I had decent cunnilingus skills, but it also triggered the feeling of sadness that my late wife had wilfully shut herself off from something that she could have really enjoyed.
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leggs91200
3 years ago
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Typically when a woman doesn't want someone going down on her,could be because at some point a previous lover complained about her scent.
"annoyance that an intelligent woman whom I loved and who loved me didn't trust me enough to let me put my mouth on her vagina or my fingers in her."
It had nothing to do with you, just something maybe happened at some point that she would not talk to anyone about. Women are self-conscious of their scent anyways, even if someone tells them it is sexy.
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Boojum
3 years ago
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Intellectually, I did understand that, but I also felt what I felt.
Over the years, there were occasional hints that something unpleasant had happened with a man when she was a child, and I knew that a couple of her adult relationships with guys were difficult (at the very least), but she kept a wall up around those things. She clearly didn't want to talk about them, and I didn't push it.
Like I said, I think it's sad she was never able to be more accepting of her body and her sexuality. She accomplished quite a bit in her life, but she wasn't able to fully and freely experience that aspect of being human.
--
leggs91200
3 years ago
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For you and your second wife, congrats on sticking to the vow of "til death do you part". That doesn't happen as often as it should these days