I think its understandable to be angry in this situation. I would be. Having said that, like you had mentioned, the past cannot be changed, so let go of the hope that it could be any different.
Sometimes I wonder if certain types of people like to see if they can control other people and/or other relationships via intrusion. Your husband probably knew his sister enough to know that she was never going to pay you guys back. His sister probably knew that by not paying you back and by asking for money was going to cause some attention to her (or she felt powerful for making you feel less important to your husband than her - or whatever). Personally I think that it is pretty gutsy to not pay you guys back and then still come around like nothing happened. In my humble opinion your husband is enabling her to control your lives and enabling her to live without circumstances to her bad decisions.
Of course when a family member is in diar straights, and they need help desperately, you want to be there for them, however, there is a fine line between being there for them and them taking advantage of your good nature.
If it were me, I would ask my husband why he feels that he is his sisters keeper? perhaps there is a childhood issue that you arent aware of. Also, I would tell him how I felt about the situation, "I feel that she is taking advantage of us and it is causing arguments within our relationship and I dont want that, how can we fix this?" perhaps explain first that you dont want to see any member of his family in a bad way, but you feel like she is taking advantage at this stage. I would also clear up what is going to happen once her baby is born - what is his and your role in this...... if any - set the boundaries before she starts asking for money so that you and your husband are on the same page. It can get pretty emotional when people start to talk about the welfare of their baby and money.
Of course you dont want her to have control over your emotions, you dont want to waste your energy on her and her actions (I think its for attention - you v/s her kinda thing- but I dont know her).
Good luck, this is super tricky :)
Is it normal i cant forgive her?
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I think its understandable to be angry in this situation. I would be. Having said that, like you had mentioned, the past cannot be changed, so let go of the hope that it could be any different.
Sometimes I wonder if certain types of people like to see if they can control other people and/or other relationships via intrusion. Your husband probably knew his sister enough to know that she was never going to pay you guys back. His sister probably knew that by not paying you back and by asking for money was going to cause some attention to her (or she felt powerful for making you feel less important to your husband than her - or whatever). Personally I think that it is pretty gutsy to not pay you guys back and then still come around like nothing happened. In my humble opinion your husband is enabling her to control your lives and enabling her to live without circumstances to her bad decisions.
Of course when a family member is in diar straights, and they need help desperately, you want to be there for them, however, there is a fine line between being there for them and them taking advantage of your good nature.
If it were me, I would ask my husband why he feels that he is his sisters keeper? perhaps there is a childhood issue that you arent aware of. Also, I would tell him how I felt about the situation, "I feel that she is taking advantage of us and it is causing arguments within our relationship and I dont want that, how can we fix this?" perhaps explain first that you dont want to see any member of his family in a bad way, but you feel like she is taking advantage at this stage. I would also clear up what is going to happen once her baby is born - what is his and your role in this...... if any - set the boundaries before she starts asking for money so that you and your husband are on the same page. It can get pretty emotional when people start to talk about the welfare of their baby and money.
Of course you dont want her to have control over your emotions, you dont want to waste your energy on her and her actions (I think its for attention - you v/s her kinda thing- but I dont know her).
Good luck, this is super tricky :)