Do you know why you're full of mixed feelings and conflicted emotions about this? Because you take such a light and casual view of sex. The fact that you started off as fwb is a huge problem. People like to lie to themselves and one another that it can be just physical, or that boundaries of feelings can be preserved, but it's not true. What you do with your body affects your soul, your mind, your emotions. Everything within you is connected. So the number one way to avoid messy situations like this is to never do anything that even remotely looks like fwb. You should either be in a committed, well-defined monogamous relationship, or not at all. The more grey area you allow in, the more confusing everything will be.
The second problem is your communication with him. Simply be clear: yes or no. Yes needs to mean yes, and no needs to mean no. No exceptions. If you're unsure about whether you want to have sex with someone in any given moment, then you should stay on the side of caution and simply refrain from doing until until you're sure you know what you want to do. This is better for you AND your partner.
If you set up healthy, well defined and maintained boundaries, you'll find a lot of this nonsense just never happens in the first place.
We agreed after the second meeting that we would be monogamous, but we're both a little relationship phobic due to bad experience (and different life circumstances) that it was just the easier option, and then we gradually turned into a proper relationship, and after we were in a relationship we had sex.
And people react very differently to sexual situations, it is possible to separate physical and emotional, it should be judged on a case by case basis.
With communication, I do see your point. We've always had quite a playful, boundary pushing and slightly dominant relationship, but we do understand consent, and basically, using a safe-word means that no actually means no, as sometimes no can be playful and mean yes.
Is it normal he had sex with me?
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Do you know why you're full of mixed feelings and conflicted emotions about this? Because you take such a light and casual view of sex. The fact that you started off as fwb is a huge problem. People like to lie to themselves and one another that it can be just physical, or that boundaries of feelings can be preserved, but it's not true. What you do with your body affects your soul, your mind, your emotions. Everything within you is connected. So the number one way to avoid messy situations like this is to never do anything that even remotely looks like fwb. You should either be in a committed, well-defined monogamous relationship, or not at all. The more grey area you allow in, the more confusing everything will be.
The second problem is your communication with him. Simply be clear: yes or no. Yes needs to mean yes, and no needs to mean no. No exceptions. If you're unsure about whether you want to have sex with someone in any given moment, then you should stay on the side of caution and simply refrain from doing until until you're sure you know what you want to do. This is better for you AND your partner.
If you set up healthy, well defined and maintained boundaries, you'll find a lot of this nonsense just never happens in the first place.
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Lariii
8 years ago
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We agreed after the second meeting that we would be monogamous, but we're both a little relationship phobic due to bad experience (and different life circumstances) that it was just the easier option, and then we gradually turned into a proper relationship, and after we were in a relationship we had sex.
And people react very differently to sexual situations, it is possible to separate physical and emotional, it should be judged on a case by case basis.
With communication, I do see your point. We've always had quite a playful, boundary pushing and slightly dominant relationship, but we do understand consent, and basically, using a safe-word means that no actually means no, as sometimes no can be playful and mean yes.