I can see why you would want to do that in your situation, but it sounds like the situation you're in isn't normal or healthy. It's not good that you're feeling so terrible and that people around you seem to be mistreating you, and that's worth addressing. I'd recommend going to a counsellor if you're able.
I don't want to assume your situation, but is it possible you have any mental health conditions, such as ocd, anxiety, or adhd? I only ask because I have those, and sometimes they make me behave a bit differently than the average person, which I was bullied for in elementary school and high school. People made fun of the way I talked, my mannerisms, and I really struggled with social situations. When I got to college people were nicer, but because of past experiences and my difficulties reading social cues (because of my conditions) I would assume they were being mean to me too. It took a lot of time and therapy to realize, hey, most people actually don't hate me, and the few who do are just jerks.
Is it normal having a death list/note?
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I can see why you would want to do that in your situation, but it sounds like the situation you're in isn't normal or healthy. It's not good that you're feeling so terrible and that people around you seem to be mistreating you, and that's worth addressing. I'd recommend going to a counsellor if you're able.
I don't want to assume your situation, but is it possible you have any mental health conditions, such as ocd, anxiety, or adhd? I only ask because I have those, and sometimes they make me behave a bit differently than the average person, which I was bullied for in elementary school and high school. People made fun of the way I talked, my mannerisms, and I really struggled with social situations. When I got to college people were nicer, but because of past experiences and my difficulties reading social cues (because of my conditions) I would assume they were being mean to me too. It took a lot of time and therapy to realize, hey, most people actually don't hate me, and the few who do are just jerks.