I have not told her directly like that, but good point! I HAVE talked to her about how high a sex drive I have and always wanting/needing. Doesn't seem to phase her. Though religion can be a good thing, some people take it way over the top. I will agree with you. Thanks!
I hope the situation improves for you. Can I comment that I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who write to IIN for relationship advice without having first raised whatever the issue is with the other person? Why not just show her your post? It's very clear and well expressed
Thank you, Ellenna! Yes, I know I was posting prior to "opening up". I merely wanted to test the waters in this subject. I definitely will be bringing it up with her. She is so devout, that she feels there is something wrong with me. I am told her that I am not convinced of her religion (in a sincere and tactful way)...and she goes on like I never said anything, and still thinks it's all me. She definitely puts her church above her family. She says that she loves to go to church and to serve. Snaps at her kids, when they tell her they rather her be at home, and hurries off. And at one time, she was having meetings with other women(can verify) that were ending around midnight. I gave her space to have a social life, but it was also effecting her attitude at home. That is not what religion teaches. I thought that she may be having an affair, but id she was, she'd deserve an oscar. Anyway, I am not going to let it go too on much longer, but will tackle this... I appreciate your words!
That sounds terrible for you and your children. What church is it? It sounds more like a cult to me, in which case I don't know what you can do about it except hope the obsession wears off eventually. It must feel as if she's having an affair with god!
It's very similar to addiction I reckon: I've been in relationships with addicts in the past and it's as if there's a third party in the relationship who's impossible to compete with because it always takes priority.
Have you thought of talking to people at her church to check out if this is normal behaviour for their members or is it just her, in which case maybe the pastor could intervene in some way? Just a thought ..... personally I find it a waste of time & energy to try & reason with fanatics because the rational part of their brains is turned off.
I wish you all the best and would appreciate an update at some time: take care of yourself and your kids first
Yes, I have spoken with them about it, and they said that I was not supportive enough. That is the problem with many organized religions. They manipulate people into thinking that they cannot survive without them, and then a gullible person becomes dependent.
I take care of the kids, just fine. She takes them, and I let them make up their minds if they want to go, but I'll have no part of it. I will go to an occasional event to support the kids. I am treated as an outcast by the congregation, which is no skin off my nose. Things will quickly come to light. I have a good, cautious idea on how to confront this issue.
Yes, you are correct...it is like an addiction, and there is no penetrating the will of an already made up mind. I can stand and point to the color blue, and they still insist it is green.
Thank you for your support, and I will continue to update as things unfold.
I doubt it is the church unless she is going to something weird like scientology. For instance in both the Jewish and Christian churches sex in marriage is in kins of mandatory unless BOTH agree on not having it and even at that it is something you check often to see if that is still the case.
But that does not stop other church goers to expressed their uniform opinion (which goes against the church's mandates)
It seems to me that you're doing all you can in very difficult circumstances. The only other suggestion I have would be for you to get some support from others in similar situations: there are groups for families and survivors of these sorts of religions which you could find on the internet.
Once again, good luck with it: as the survivor of a fundamentalist christian upbringing, my thoughts are with you
Is it normal for wife to not want sex?
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I have not told her directly like that, but good point! I HAVE talked to her about how high a sex drive I have and always wanting/needing. Doesn't seem to phase her. Though religion can be a good thing, some people take it way over the top. I will agree with you. Thanks!
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Ellenna
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WillDoIt
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I hope the situation improves for you. Can I comment that I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who write to IIN for relationship advice without having first raised whatever the issue is with the other person? Why not just show her your post? It's very clear and well expressed
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Cravingit247
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Thank you, Ellenna! Yes, I know I was posting prior to "opening up". I merely wanted to test the waters in this subject. I definitely will be bringing it up with her. She is so devout, that she feels there is something wrong with me. I am told her that I am not convinced of her religion (in a sincere and tactful way)...and she goes on like I never said anything, and still thinks it's all me. She definitely puts her church above her family. She says that she loves to go to church and to serve. Snaps at her kids, when they tell her they rather her be at home, and hurries off. And at one time, she was having meetings with other women(can verify) that were ending around midnight. I gave her space to have a social life, but it was also effecting her attitude at home. That is not what religion teaches. I thought that she may be having an affair, but id she was, she'd deserve an oscar. Anyway, I am not going to let it go too on much longer, but will tackle this... I appreciate your words!
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Ellenna
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That sounds terrible for you and your children. What church is it? It sounds more like a cult to me, in which case I don't know what you can do about it except hope the obsession wears off eventually. It must feel as if she's having an affair with god!
It's very similar to addiction I reckon: I've been in relationships with addicts in the past and it's as if there's a third party in the relationship who's impossible to compete with because it always takes priority.
Have you thought of talking to people at her church to check out if this is normal behaviour for their members or is it just her, in which case maybe the pastor could intervene in some way? Just a thought ..... personally I find it a waste of time & energy to try & reason with fanatics because the rational part of their brains is turned off.
I wish you all the best and would appreciate an update at some time: take care of yourself and your kids first
--
Cravingit247
7 years ago
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Yes, I have spoken with them about it, and they said that I was not supportive enough. That is the problem with many organized religions. They manipulate people into thinking that they cannot survive without them, and then a gullible person becomes dependent.
I take care of the kids, just fine. She takes them, and I let them make up their minds if they want to go, but I'll have no part of it. I will go to an occasional event to support the kids. I am treated as an outcast by the congregation, which is no skin off my nose. Things will quickly come to light. I have a good, cautious idea on how to confront this issue.
Yes, you are correct...it is like an addiction, and there is no penetrating the will of an already made up mind. I can stand and point to the color blue, and they still insist it is green.
Thank you for your support, and I will continue to update as things unfold.
--
WillDoIt
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Ellenna
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I doubt it is the church unless she is going to something weird like scientology. For instance in both the Jewish and Christian churches sex in marriage is in kins of mandatory unless BOTH agree on not having it and even at that it is something you check often to see if that is still the case.
But that does not stop other church goers to expressed their uniform opinion (which goes against the church's mandates)
It seems to me that you're doing all you can in very difficult circumstances. The only other suggestion I have would be for you to get some support from others in similar situations: there are groups for families and survivors of these sorts of religions which you could find on the internet.
Once again, good luck with it: as the survivor of a fundamentalist christian upbringing, my thoughts are with you
I do not know any religion that is against sex in marriage. So it is NOT religion.