Is it normal for wife to not want sex?

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15 Comments

I am a male in my 40s. Just in the past several years, my wife has "found her religion", and is only concerned with modesty. The sexuality of our relationship has pretty much vanished, despite my efforts to keep it alive. She now treats our marriage like a business-style of relationship...like, if I want to have sex and make certain passes/compliments, she'll say "I'm just not into that right now", or give me many excuses why we can't, but will say something like, "why don't we try for next Tuesday". The spontaneousness and spark has almost vanished. The rare occasion that we do have sex, she loves it, but just as soon as it's over, she gets back into her modest clothes, and goes back to herself. On the other hand, making things worse, I have a very high sex drive...always have. So much, that it is like an addiction. I have never cheated on her, but I get nasty thoughts about other females, and fantasize what I would do with them. I see them when I am at the store, or driving...almost hoping that one would seduce me in to going home with her. Situations have come up, but I never acted on them because I am married. However, if I ever did, that woman would be lavished by me to no end! I so bad want to give and get oral sex, and feel the passion again...because it's no longer happening at home. Does anyone else have a similar circumstance?

Voting Results
50% Normal
Based on 28 votes (14 yes)
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Comments ( 15 )
  • ThingTwo
    8 years ago

    This happened to me. I moved into an empty bedroom, and started a porn collection. I felt happier, and the marriage began to be a more productive and less tense brother-sister type relationship.

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  • Roundtable1
    8 years ago

    Just fuck a side girl. That's what I've been doing. I say if your girl wants to be that way, I'll just go get it else where.

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    • Cravingit247
      8 years ago

      Yes...the thoughts are definitely in my mind. Every day seems more distant. I guess it would have to be the right day, right girl, etc...

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      • Roundtable1
        8 years ago

        Since I've been married I've been with 8 other women. My wife won't ever change. I'm sure we'll get divorced soon but it's literally impossible to leave when there's child you love. She's not even a good mother either.Bitch is fake as fuck. Sorry had to vent.

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  • lovetolickass
    8 years ago

    my wife always did me mow wont she must not be worried anymore that someone else will

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  • atebefore7
    8 years ago

    She must not think your cock can satisfy her

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    Have you told your wife that you're tempted to have sex with someone else? This is yet another example of how damaging religion can be and if there's nothing left in the relationship I'd be ending it if I were you: that would be better than cheating, although I can see why you're considering it

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    • Cravingit247
      8 years ago

      I have not told her directly like that, but good point! I HAVE talked to her about how high a sex drive I have and always wanting/needing. Doesn't seem to phase her. Though religion can be a good thing, some people take it way over the top. I will agree with you. Thanks!

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      • Ellenna
        8 years ago

        I hope the situation improves for you. Can I comment that I never cease to be amazed at the number of people who write to IIN for relationship advice without having first raised whatever the issue is with the other person? Why not just show her your post? It's very clear and well expressed

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        • Cravingit247
          8 years ago

          Thank you, Ellenna! Yes, I know I was posting prior to "opening up". I merely wanted to test the waters in this subject. I definitely will be bringing it up with her. She is so devout, that she feels there is something wrong with me. I am told her that I am not convinced of her religion (in a sincere and tactful way)...and she goes on like I never said anything, and still thinks it's all me. She definitely puts her church above her family. She says that she loves to go to church and to serve. Snaps at her kids, when they tell her they rather her be at home, and hurries off. And at one time, she was having meetings with other women(can verify) that were ending around midnight. I gave her space to have a social life, but it was also effecting her attitude at home. That is not what religion teaches. I thought that she may be having an affair, but id she was, she'd deserve an oscar. Anyway, I am not going to let it go too on much longer, but will tackle this... I appreciate your words!

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          • Ellenna
            8 years ago

            That sounds terrible for you and your children. What church is it? It sounds more like a cult to me, in which case I don't know what you can do about it except hope the obsession wears off eventually. It must feel as if she's having an affair with god!

            It's very similar to addiction I reckon: I've been in relationships with addicts in the past and it's as if there's a third party in the relationship who's impossible to compete with because it always takes priority.

            Have you thought of talking to people at her church to check out if this is normal behaviour for their members or is it just her, in which case maybe the pastor could intervene in some way? Just a thought ..... personally I find it a waste of time & energy to try & reason with fanatics because the rational part of their brains is turned off.

            I wish you all the best and would appreciate an update at some time: take care of yourself and your kids first

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            • Cravingit247
              8 years ago

              Yes, I have spoken with them about it, and they said that I was not supportive enough. That is the problem with many organized religions. They manipulate people into thinking that they cannot survive without them, and then a gullible person becomes dependent.

              I take care of the kids, just fine. She takes them, and I let them make up their minds if they want to go, but I'll have no part of it. I will go to an occasional event to support the kids. I am treated as an outcast by the congregation, which is no skin off my nose. Things will quickly come to light. I have a good, cautious idea on how to confront this issue.

              Yes, you are correct...it is like an addiction, and there is no penetrating the will of an already made up mind. I can stand and point to the color blue, and they still insist it is green.

              Thank you for your support, and I will continue to update as things unfold.

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      • WillDoIt
        8 years ago

        I do not know any religion that is against sex in marriage. So it is NOT religion.

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