Is it normal for my boyfriend to consider forcing me to have sex?

38% Normal

He has tried to initiate while I didn't want to have sex, and I have had conversations with him explaining that I don't want to. He understands, and doesn't force me in any way, shape, or form.

However, a comment he made has me feeling a little anxious. He mentioned to me that occassionally he has the thought of forcing me, but doesn't act on it or dwell on it mentally. It's more of a passing thing, as he describes it.

I guess I'm just wondering if other guys got that, or if it was a normal thing? I know he'd never do something like that, but my anxiety is having a field day with it.

Voting Results

38% Normal

Based on 159 votes (61 yes)

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Comments ( 30 )

TexasRED

8 years ago

Rape fantasies are NOT normal don't listen to these people. Coming from a guy who really likes sex, I have thoughts of sex all the time but never once have imagined forcing myself onto a girl. My advice: keep in mind what he told you while you examine his behavior and attitude towards other aspects in life, then I imagine you will start to see he's not a good person to be close to.

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- Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
  
  8 years ago
  
  Damn straight Tex!
  
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Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously

8 years ago

It's not normal. The fact he has said it aloud means he's escalated from thinking about it, to seeing how you react when he says it. Start thinking about how you'll react if he does it. That seems the next step in his progression here. Why the hell are you offering explanations or having conversations with him to justify why you don't want to have sex? If you don't, you don't. It's that simple. The man has two hands - you are not his pumping station. I have a suspicion you know this guy is capable of doing exactly what you fear which is why your anxiety is on high alert. It's called a survival instinct. Have some respect for yourself and dump this loser.

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- gutterflower
  
  8 years ago
  
  Are you kidding? Most men have rape fantasies. Its the fantasy part which separates the criminals from the horny dudes.
  
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  - Cyberpunk
    
    8 years ago
    
    Wow, you should probably see someone and while you're at it get your definition of 'most men' checked out.
    
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    - gutterflower
      
      8 years ago
      
      You don't think so?
      
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______________

8 years ago

Fleeting thoughts are out of our control. They come and go as they please.

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Bake34

8 years ago

It's a fantasy. It's normal even if it does seem a little off. Don't that one thing change how comfortable you are with him.

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- Lifeistooshorttotakeseriously
  
  8 years ago
  
  Show me a rape that didn't start as fantasy.
  
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  - Bake34
    
    8 years ago
    
    Umm almost all of them... If you want to rape someone you bring a drunk girl home, not tell the person you're with that this might be something you like to try.
    
    I know this because I've spent the better part of the last decade with somebody who has this exact fantasy and he's never acted on anything without permission. This is not that out of the realm when it comes to sex. I would actually feel flattered that my boyfriend was comfortable enough with me to share this with me. Not everybody is prudish when it comes to sex.
    
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    - AnonXIII
      
      8 years ago
      
      That's more of the way I was thinking of it too. I'm glad he's honest with me about these kinds of things, don't get me wrong; I appreciate that he can be open about sex and our relationship.
      
      Sex tends to be one of those topics that kind of gets my anxiety going easily. It's entirely possible I'm just overreacting to something he was genuinely trying to share with me.
      
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      - Bake34
        
        8 years ago
        
        Well there you go. And you can do like a half rape scenario. Lol. Start with letting him tie your arms up or something. I only say this if you really do trust him and feel safe with him. You know that part right? But yeah exploring your sex life is fun! And you never know you might actually like not having any control. It's very liberating.
        
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    8 years ago
    
    Bingo bango!
    
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- sillygirl77
  
  8 years ago
  
  How do you know he won't act on it? OP as far as I'm concerned it's NOT normal.
  
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  - Bake34
    
    8 years ago
    
    My post disappeared...
    I said, I know because I've been in a relationship with somebody for the better part of the last decade that has this same fantasy. He's never acted on anything without permission. I'm not saying everyone is like that but it's not out of the realm when it comes to sex. There's nothing wrong with that fantasy. I would feel flatter that my mate was comfortable enough to share it with me. Not everyone is prudish when it comes to sex.
    
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(s)aint

8 years ago

Well, if you guys are not having sex it´s a normal desire for him to have ... Chances are he´s just being really honest with you. Rape fantasies are normal.
But the second he shows he is not respecting your limits, leave.

Also, I may sound like a jerk here but you can at least give him a hand-job when he gets horny.

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- AnonXIII
  
  8 years ago
  
  Again, more of the way I was trying to approach handling this. If it was just a passing thought I shouldn't dwell on it too much;
  
  As for the handjob, he doesn't get off to it. Better with my mouth than my hands, Tbh.
  
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  - (s)aint
    
    8 years ago
    
    You probably should not no. So you are sexual? Or only oral?
    
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Gspyder

8 years ago

Get the fuck outta that relationship.

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thegypsysailor

8 years ago

Dump this guy now!
You don't need anybody in your life who even thinks about raping you, and that's exactly what 'forcing me to have sex' is.
He has given you a warning and you should take it very, very seriously.

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JaneDoeOfKS

8 years ago

DEFINITELY NOT NORMAL, In fact, I suspect he is a potential danger to you so please for the love of God dump him before you get raped.

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imblonde

8 years ago

DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM, get as far away from him as you can if he mentions rape even once then get outta there better safe than sorry

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Poes

8 years ago

Are you perhaps leading him on then not delivering? If that is the case he should wait until you are asleep then fuck you!

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Zeus_

8 years ago

No it isn't normal for the guy to consider that, but is normal for women to have rape fantasies, or similar role play. However, more likely he will only cheat on you before he does something violent.

Depends on how much you turn him down for sex,too. If you don't want to have sex with him, tell him so, and he will go find a new girlfriend, or date some women.

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IMissMary

8 years ago

My wife loves it when I force her to have sex. In fact if I don't take it I don't get it. After a day or so she knows I going to take it and is completely soaked. If I don't agree gets pissed, then usually finds a way to lay next to me on her back.... Which is her signal for please take it.

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Myghoul2099

8 years ago

5 accounts from my old gf explaining some rape fantasy she has about me. wow.

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- AnonXIII
  
  8 years ago
  
  Uhhhhh what?
  
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- Bake34
  
  8 years ago
  
  What?
  
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- yu-gi-ohChampion25
  
  8 years ago
  
  don't listen to their fucking lies.
  
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- AnonXIII
  
  8 years ago
  
  ???
  
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Is it normal for my boyfriend to consider forcing me to have sex?