Is it normal for me to have resentment toward my pregnant girlfriend?

46% Normal
46 Comments

I had been dating my GF 6 months prior to her getting pregnant. She made me feel 100% comfortable assuring me she was on top of her cycle and there was literally a 1% chance of her getting pregnant. One day after a pregnancy scare she asked whether I wanted children at the time, my answer no. She replied she didn't either, and proceeded asking me if I were ok with her getting an abortion. We both agreed and thought it would be best then the topic was closed. Well, she got pregnant not long after and had a change of heart. I still felt the same and expressed to her I didn't want children, she explained that she was in between and ultimately decided to not make a decision which is deciding to keep the child. I never sided with her and she told me she didn't need me and could do it without me, pretty much telling me to f*ck off.

The whole ordeal has left me with a sense of betrayal, she's 7 months pregnant now and I still can't seem to shake it off. As much as I try I continue feeling as though I can't trust her, I feel like I let a huge guard down in trusting her and she made me feel so comfortable.. yet not only did she change her mind about something so important but my input essentially weighed no value in her decision. I feel like, if she got pregnant and we never had a conversation agreeing that she'd get an abortion I'd be more ok with her decision. But the fact that she brought it up and we both agreed on something important that drastically affects our lives, then just changed her mind still eats me up inside.

Is it normal for me to feel resentment toward her? Could I be happy marrying someone, whom in the back of my mind I feel like I can't trust in making life changing decisions that affect me?

Voting Results
46% Normal
Based on 13 votes (6 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 46 )
  • wigz
    6 years ago

    You can't have it all...why did you happily have unprotected sex yet are all surprised and upset that the exact normal outcome of sex has happened?

    You're trying to blame it on her? She said pregnancy is unlikely? So fucking what? Where is your responsibility in this? What research did you do?

    Agreeing to get an abortion is nothing because it's very different when it actually happens to you. You should've done more to prevent the pregnancy. Funny how you whine about her side but you didn't care enough to protect yourself. You should be resenting that decision instead of her. You could've prevented this but you chose not to and now you want to put all the blame on her. Grow up.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • dreadpool555
      6 years ago

      typical adult figure judging and scolding someone for having ten seconds of orgasm pleasure. The girlfriends the one who's in the wrong, not the poster.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • wigz
        6 years ago

        Yes, because I'm sure if men got pregnant no man ever would go back on his decision to abort. In fact, no men even care at all when women abort their child. No man ever has backed out of a contract or handshake. Men always pay their debts. Women really need to step it up in this regard.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
          -
        • justbecause11
          6 years ago

          I hope you're just being a bitch now because you are lumping all the men into one basket and it's simply not true. I agreed with everything you wrote until this post. I could lump all women into the cold, lying, manipulating, controlling, cheating, psycho basket, but that is simply not true as well.

          His thoughts and reasons for being upset are completely off base. My moto is if you can't do the time, then don't do the crime, but you can't lump all men together.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          1
          1
            -
          • Scarlettx87
            6 years ago

            Think she's being sarcastic

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            1
            1
              -
            • justbecause11
              6 years ago

              I hope so because although I'm not men's biggest fan, they are not all douche bags.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
              -1
              -1
      • Scarlettx87
        6 years ago

        Yeh... she must have sat on it without his consent and got herself pregnant. Wake up it's 2017 both of them had sex so both of them are responsible for anything that comes from that

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • nikkiclaire
          6 years ago

          And yet we as women have 100% control over the descision. It's not fair at all and if you can't admit that as a woman you are either supremely stupid or you are delusional.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
    • Anonymous Post Author
      6 years ago

      I'm not putting all the blame on her at all, I totally blame myself. I'm very disappointed in letting my guard down and being so irresponsible, not to mention I plan on being in my child's life 1000%. The sense of resentment comes from having no input in a very important matter, that we both came to a decision on. I'm not upset about the pregnancy, had it been totally random I would of been ok with it. I'm bothered by the decision making process.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • wigz
        6 years ago

        Why do you think your resentment is justified when you knew full well you can't force her to abort? You knew she had full control over that and could change her mind at any time. You only have yourself to blame and you have to acknowledge it and get over it. You were fine with playing and taking the chance but now that it's time to pay you want to be upset over stuff you knew could happen all along?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • nikkiclaire
          6 years ago

          Resentment is very much justified. The bish tricked him into getting her pregnant. She lied to him on multiple occasions and knew full well what she was doing the entire time.

          OP, look after the child she has to the best of your ability but for the love God, do NOT marry this woman. She will likely divorce you and take everything you have, she's a proven liar and a manipulative, self absorbed bish. I pray for your child.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          -2
          -2
            -
          • wigz
            6 years ago

            "tricked him into getting her pregnant."

            Uh, no. She straight up told him she wasn't on birth control.

            He kept fucking her without protection even AFTER they had a pregnancy scare.

            "She lied to him on multiple occasions and knew full well what she was doing the entire time."

            There is absolutely no evidence of that.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            2
            2
        • Anonymous Post Author
          6 years ago

          I don't know that my resentment is justified, that's why I ask the question here. I only know how the situation makes me feel, and yes I absolutely knew she had full control.

          In a relationship there are many things you can't control from your partner, that's how they work. But in things you can't control, you compromise.. correct? ESPecially about important matters. Maturely making a decision together as a couple as we did, then her deciding to change her mind.. ignore how I feel and telling me to fu*k off doesn't exactly setup a good scenario for me putting trust in her again. At least that's the way I feel about it.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          -3
          -3
            -
          • wigz
            6 years ago

            As a man you know you can't control this though. Talking about an abortion is one thing but when pregnancy actually happens to you, it's more complex. You keep saying the trust thing but you need to look at it as any other major thing where you really don't know for sure how you'll act until it happens to you. It's easy to SAY you'd do this or that but when it comes down to it, you might act in a completely different way and this is true for many kinds of life events. You just never know. Your girlfriend was probably not being dishonest when she said she'd abort, and at the same time she couldn't possibly know how she'd actually react if she was in that spot so she said what she believed at the time and once it happened to her, things changed as they normally do. Stop thinking of her as being untrustworthy because she's probably not. You've never thought you'd do one thing but when the situation presented itself you did another? Have some empathy and cut her some slack. I'm sure you'd excuse yourself if you reacted differently than you expected when shit went down. You wouldn't consider yourself a liar for it so stop treating her that way, then.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            1
            1
          • bighead88
            6 years ago

            Look don't feel bad because the damage that your baby is going to do to her body is going to make her resent the hell out of you n just call it payback and move on with the situation🍼

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            0
            0
      • Scarlettx87
        6 years ago

        Thing is though, it's easy to say "yeh I'll get an abortion if I get pregnant " when your not pregnant, for a girl to feel a baby growing inside of her. Any loving girl would not be able to go through with it unless there was no other alternative. It's a good trait about her, surely you don't want a cold girl that sees it as nothing? She is probably devastated too and thinks her worlds over, especially if she feels alone or unsupported.hormones in tow but I know from experience, it's just not something a girl can do. When there are other options. We all make mistakes, all you can do now is do your best to support her, don't go and get engaged or anything just because she's pregnant. Wait and see if she's the one or rebuild your relationship if you feel it's lost. Plenty of people bring up a child apart or together, I'm just saying don't bring up marriage just because it's what you think you should do for babies sake. You both have enough on your plate right now

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        -2
        -2
  • Popsiclestick
    6 years ago

    Yes I guess it's normal because you don't want the child. But she does. It's her body and what she's says goes at the end of the day. It's all fine her saying she'd get rid of it before but she probably felt the "connection" to the baby once she actually found out she was pregnant. Just don't be a dick about it and support your gf and baby.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • nikkiclaire
      6 years ago

      Support the baby, ditch the girl.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • Scarlettx87
    6 years ago

    I'm sure you were taught in school that if you don't use a condom, you can get a girl pregnant ( never mind aids etc) how can you honestly sit there and blame her for this?? The only difference is she is facing up to her mistake. It's sad that you aren't. If you were old enough to have sex and stupid enough not to use a condom. The only person you can really blame for this is yourself. Also you can't blame her for being unsure about killing your child, the child didn't ask for your stupidness and irresponsibility did it? I suggest you either walk away permanently or you take responsibility for "your" actions. Mistakes happen, now you just have to look in the mirror and face up to it. You were both stupid but soon there will be a child who didn't ask to come from your stupidness, are you going to support her and stand by her and be there for her/them or walk away... maybe take a couple of weeks away to really think about it. Don't play the blame game just step up

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
      -
    • nikkiclaire
      6 years ago

      He is not blaming her for getting pregnant he is pissed cause she cut him out of any descision making process and any dicussion at all.

      She treated him like a sperm donor. He got used and I for one feel badly for him.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • RoseIsabella
    6 years ago

    Well, did you use a condom when you slept with her?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • youwillgotohell
    6 years ago

    You are disgusting man, so to hell with you.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • Ratmanwakes
    6 years ago

    So kick her in the stomach. Problem solved with

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    -1
    -1
  • pizzabrowniesushi
    6 years ago

    Does she want the baby ? So many people want to be dad's and mom's and can't have any.You should really consider that if she is cool.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Hyakume
    6 years ago

    I don't know... You have to understand that it's easy to say something until you have to act on it. At the end of the day, it's a life and a future you'd be killing. I think she had her doubts back then which is why she couldn't bring herself to do it later. You can't resent her for that honestly, I don't think either of you it's at fault here. You are the one that needs to make the decision now:will you be a father, or not? Regardless how society looks at it, either is perfectly fine and understandable. Don't become something that was forced upon you, you'll just be shitty and will not end well.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Olympiad
    6 years ago

    Well I half agree with you and half agree with your girlfriend. Because
    1. She may have not wanted a child at the time she wasn't pregnant, but time changes. And once a woman becomes pregnant their is nothing that can take away their motherhood. It's not her fault that she had a change of heart. That she actually wanted to be a mother.
    Now the part that I agree with you is that she could have listened to your explanation of why you thought she should've gotten an abortion. But just because she didn't listen to you doesn't mean you don't have to trust her, she was just protecting her child. That's what any mother would do.
    I think you should go talk to her and make things right because she is going to need all the help she needs when she gives birth, even if says she doesn't need your help still be their for her, it will show her that you want to be there for her and the child.
    :)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0