My heart broke when I read this.
I can imagine that you feel very lonely in your relationship.
Though one could argue that this is common, sure, it is common, but that doesnt make it ok. There are so many possibilities as to why he is so disengaged when it comes to conversation; we could discuss that all day. In my opinion, when it comes down to it, you deserve some sort of explination.
Sometimes, as women, we tend to put our needs aside as to not disrupt the peace (or the routine). When we do this, we set a standard, we basically say that its okay to treat me like this because I have never disagreed with it.... soon that snowballs and we all the sudden are standing in the kitchen and wonder 'how the hell did I get here - why does he think its okay to be so disengaged'. There are so many distractions when you have kids, and that can become an easy excuse to not work on the relationship with your spouse - I've done it, a million other women too - it becomes easier to dismiss things that dont sit right with you.
Listen to yourself; who are you, what do you want? I would maybe ask him out for a date, no distractions - say that you want to talk about something important with him and it would mean alot to you if he would go out for _____ with you. Prepare what you want to say/ask and really be honest with yourself - dont be afraid of his answers - dont be afraid if they send you alarm bells because you are going to be ok :)
This is just a suggestion, because I have totally been where you are right now, and it doesnt sit in the stomach well at all. I was very afraid of what I would find if I dug deep - I didnt want my marriage to be a failure, I didnt want my kids to go through this crap........ and if I ignored it..... I would be none the wizer. Well, turns out I cant ignore me so I talked to him, and we are doing well - it took time, but I misconstrued so many things that I just wished I would have discussed at the time I was feeling it.
Good luck and sorry for the length.
Is it normal for husband and wife not to talk
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My heart broke when I read this.
I can imagine that you feel very lonely in your relationship.
Though one could argue that this is common, sure, it is common, but that doesnt make it ok. There are so many possibilities as to why he is so disengaged when it comes to conversation; we could discuss that all day. In my opinion, when it comes down to it, you deserve some sort of explination.
Sometimes, as women, we tend to put our needs aside as to not disrupt the peace (or the routine). When we do this, we set a standard, we basically say that its okay to treat me like this because I have never disagreed with it.... soon that snowballs and we all the sudden are standing in the kitchen and wonder 'how the hell did I get here - why does he think its okay to be so disengaged'. There are so many distractions when you have kids, and that can become an easy excuse to not work on the relationship with your spouse - I've done it, a million other women too - it becomes easier to dismiss things that dont sit right with you.
Listen to yourself; who are you, what do you want? I would maybe ask him out for a date, no distractions - say that you want to talk about something important with him and it would mean alot to you if he would go out for _____ with you. Prepare what you want to say/ask and really be honest with yourself - dont be afraid of his answers - dont be afraid if they send you alarm bells because you are going to be ok :)
This is just a suggestion, because I have totally been where you are right now, and it doesnt sit in the stomach well at all. I was very afraid of what I would find if I dug deep - I didnt want my marriage to be a failure, I didnt want my kids to go through this crap........ and if I ignored it..... I would be none the wizer. Well, turns out I cant ignore me so I talked to him, and we are doing well - it took time, but I misconstrued so many things that I just wished I would have discussed at the time I was feeling it.
Good luck and sorry for the length.