It doesn't matter why she doesn't want to have a kid; why are you pressuring her so badly to tell you? I can think of a million reasons not to have kids, and a good 999,000 of them are entirely reasonable.
Maybe she wants to continue her education. Maybe she's worried about the physical toll it will take on her health. Maybe she wants to travel the world with you. Maybe she fears pain. Maybe she worries that something could go wrong with the pregnancy. Maybe she feels it's selfish to bring another life into the world. Maybe she doesn't want to subsume her hopes, dreams, and identity to become "Mom." Maybe she just plain doesn't like kids.
There is *nothing* wrong with any of those reasons, and more power to her for understanding now that this is just not something she wants in her future. If everyone were so wise, every child would be a wanted child, and what a great world that would be.
This is one of the few things in a relationship that is an absolute deal-breaker. There's no way to compromise on having kids; it's not like you can have a kid sometimes or have just half a kid. There's no meeting in the middle. Maybe it's time to set each other free -- her to find a man who will love her for her own sake, and you to find someone who wants to be the mother of your children.
He did not say he wanted one now. She can finish her education or what ever else she has in mind. He just wants to know if she thinks it would be a possibility of her having children in the future.
I don't think you're forcing her into it, but the way this post is written makes me uneasy, particularly the "just one" part. The whole tone of your post sounds like you're begging like a child trying to get their parents to buy candy, not like you're discussing this as an adult. Is this how you're talking to your fiancée about it? Are you listening to her reasons, or are you just trying to convince her? Have you asked her why she doesn't want kids? Are you even sure that she doesn't want them, and that this isn't a matter of her not wanting to be pushed at the moment?
You need to talk to her like an adult and listen to her side of the story. Don't try to persuade her, just listen.
I think its kind of an important issue and if she isnt talking about it at all then it could be a stumbling block for them.
Saying "I MIGHT want one later" isnt the same as saying I want kids but not right now.
I think the OP has a right to find out if their lives are going in the same direction or if he is walking into a marriage that will never satisfy his want and need to have a family.
Lol no problem. I understand because I just went through the same thing with my girlfriend. She at first was strong about never having children but I didn't let it get to me because how much I love her. Now, she brings up having children and it being a girl and picking names sometimes. Even if she is against children, it may change. My girlfriend is only 21 years of age though so we have a long time to wait and see what happens.
Is it normal For her to never want kids?
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It doesn't matter why she doesn't want to have a kid; why are you pressuring her so badly to tell you? I can think of a million reasons not to have kids, and a good 999,000 of them are entirely reasonable.
Maybe she wants to continue her education. Maybe she's worried about the physical toll it will take on her health. Maybe she wants to travel the world with you. Maybe she fears pain. Maybe she worries that something could go wrong with the pregnancy. Maybe she feels it's selfish to bring another life into the world. Maybe she doesn't want to subsume her hopes, dreams, and identity to become "Mom." Maybe she just plain doesn't like kids.
There is *nothing* wrong with any of those reasons, and more power to her for understanding now that this is just not something she wants in her future. If everyone were so wise, every child would be a wanted child, and what a great world that would be.
This is one of the few things in a relationship that is an absolute deal-breaker. There's no way to compromise on having kids; it's not like you can have a kid sometimes or have just half a kid. There's no meeting in the middle. Maybe it's time to set each other free -- her to find a man who will love her for her own sake, and you to find someone who wants to be the mother of your children.
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PapzBSlim
11 years ago
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He did not say he wanted one now. She can finish her education or what ever else she has in mind. He just wants to know if she thinks it would be a possibility of her having children in the future.
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Anonymous Post Author
11 years ago
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Thank you! every one here thinks I'm forcing her into it and being all "I want kids now bitch".
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VioletTrees
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PapzBSlim
11 years ago
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I don't think you're forcing her into it, but the way this post is written makes me uneasy, particularly the "just one" part. The whole tone of your post sounds like you're begging like a child trying to get their parents to buy candy, not like you're discussing this as an adult. Is this how you're talking to your fiancée about it? Are you listening to her reasons, or are you just trying to convince her? Have you asked her why she doesn't want kids? Are you even sure that she doesn't want them, and that this isn't a matter of her not wanting to be pushed at the moment?
You need to talk to her like an adult and listen to her side of the story. Don't try to persuade her, just listen.
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BareClaire
7 years ago
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I think its kind of an important issue and if she isnt talking about it at all then it could be a stumbling block for them.
Saying "I MIGHT want one later" isnt the same as saying I want kids but not right now.
I think the OP has a right to find out if their lives are going in the same direction or if he is walking into a marriage that will never satisfy his want and need to have a family.
Lol no problem. I understand because I just went through the same thing with my girlfriend. She at first was strong about never having children but I didn't let it get to me because how much I love her. Now, she brings up having children and it being a girl and picking names sometimes. Even if she is against children, it may change. My girlfriend is only 21 years of age though so we have a long time to wait and see what happens.