Love is defined as loving someone DESPITE their flaws so in all honesty I think the person that has the problems in your relationship is you, because you clearly don't possess true feelings for him. Meanwhile, you aren't perfect either, and he from what I read hasn't told you about your flaws - meaning he's accepted you for who you are and not his idea of perfect.
Let's be real, men can be quite stubborn at times... But so can women... If you spent less time sending subtle hints and more time being straight forward maybe we'd understand you... 'Cause every man who's been involved with a woman know they love subtle hints.
Example:
*Something is obviously wrong with the girls mood*
Guy: Is everything alright babe?
Girls: Yeah everything's fine, don't worry.
Yet in most situations like this, nothing's fine and us men should be worrying... IF NOTHING'S FINE TELL US! We won't know until you do!
If we tell you why we're not fine, then youll tell us you had no idea and can't fix it so no point. Thats why girls say we're fine because at the end of the day, guys are not capable of fixing the problem.
And I am NOT pushing him away. In fact, I do accept him. Every single time he lets me down because of his bad habits, I love him that I keep making excuses for him such as "this is just how he is" but its come to the point is this really how he is or does he not care for me to change? I wanna see him with another girl and see if he still doesn't change. If not, then okay it was him not me. If he acts different, then it was me.
Why do you assume that men can't help you when you have a problem? A problem shared is a problem halved and keeping it bottled up isn't going to benefit anybody.
I don't know this guy, but I've been called cupid by multiple women and have given relationship to advice to a number of friends... And I know that if I felt my girl was going through a rough time I'd want to help make her feel better and comfort her anyway I could.
If you truly accepted him for who he is then you wouldn't be telling him to change, because that isn't who he is. Don't send him to another girl 'cause then you can potentially lose him. Just be happy with what you've got, if it's meant to be, it will be.
Some guys don't want to change, hell, they refuse to change... I know if a girl tried to change me I'd have her flying out my front door like I just gave her a Redbull.
So you wouldn't change for a girl you really like and care for? Thats the thing here...I have accepted him but most advice I have been given is if he really cares for me then he'll make the effort to change. I'm not saying hey change your shoes I don't like them. These are serious issues where it has made an impact on our relationship such as lacking to communicate with me and express himself to me. Or for him to contact me rather than me always contacting him first. Or for him to include me in his activities. Like his best friend would take his girl out for some events with friends and he wouldn't get me involved. So what ? I feel like a side chick and I'm STILL accepting him. I know you'll probably say well thats my fault but hey I am doing what you're telling me to do "cupid." I wish you were right when you say accept him or you'll lose him but your reasons to are not convincing.
Actually, now that you've given more detail I think I've come to start agreeing with you. I mean trying to make him change will still push him away because nobody likes changing... I've only done it once for one girl, which was bragging too much, which then lead to a drastic drop in confidence when she dumped me.
Partners need to communicate in a relationship... If they aren't telling each other things then nobody will know if there are any problems or how to solve them. I've recently just come out of a relationship in which my gf refused to communicate about things as well simply due to the negativity (which couldn't have been helped by this point, it was inevitable).
Contacting you first isn't of great importance but I can see how it would annoy you, considering something like that would probably annoy me as well. And I also agree with the activities part, it's actually something I say to my friend, he's going out with a girl but they only ever go to each others houses, and usually if I'm going to his house, she has to leave, or if she's coming, I have to leave... So I can understand that would be annoying as it gives the impression that he's embarrassed by you or like you said, are a side chick and he doesn't wanting the main chick finding out (but that's all speculation and I wouldn't act on that thought until you've found evidence)
Well I actuly found out he's been messaging a girl out of the country who I think he had a thing with before he met me. I think she was a foreign exchange student which is why she was here. Apparently he took her to His family for an occassion and he has yet to do that with me. And they're still talking over FB.
I didn't know how to feel about that because what if she finds out about me ? She's gonna feel worthless too like she's the side chick. So maybe I'm the main chick (which is still not OK but better than a side chick). But like I said he took her to his family so why hasn't he done that w me? I've spoken with them on the phone and supposedly his mom asks bout me. So me not seeing his family or being a part if any activity w friends or family makes me feel like a side chick compared to her. Is that evidence for me to act on it? I have already and asked him to admit it he's talking to someone and he won't give in he sounds so convincing but I knw the truth.
IIN for guys to be this clueless?
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Never try to change a man - you'll push him away.
Love is defined as loving someone DESPITE their flaws so in all honesty I think the person that has the problems in your relationship is you, because you clearly don't possess true feelings for him. Meanwhile, you aren't perfect either, and he from what I read hasn't told you about your flaws - meaning he's accepted you for who you are and not his idea of perfect.
Let's be real, men can be quite stubborn at times... But so can women... If you spent less time sending subtle hints and more time being straight forward maybe we'd understand you... 'Cause every man who's been involved with a woman know they love subtle hints.
Example:
*Something is obviously wrong with the girls mood*
Guy: Is everything alright babe?
Girls: Yeah everything's fine, don't worry.
Yet in most situations like this, nothing's fine and us men should be worrying... IF NOTHING'S FINE TELL US! We won't know until you do!
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Anonymous Post Author
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If we tell you why we're not fine, then youll tell us you had no idea and can't fix it so no point. Thats why girls say we're fine because at the end of the day, guys are not capable of fixing the problem.
And I am NOT pushing him away. In fact, I do accept him. Every single time he lets me down because of his bad habits, I love him that I keep making excuses for him such as "this is just how he is" but its come to the point is this really how he is or does he not care for me to change? I wanna see him with another girl and see if he still doesn't change. If not, then okay it was him not me. If he acts different, then it was me.
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CrimsonDeadly
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Why do you assume that men can't help you when you have a problem? A problem shared is a problem halved and keeping it bottled up isn't going to benefit anybody.
I don't know this guy, but I've been called cupid by multiple women and have given relationship to advice to a number of friends... And I know that if I felt my girl was going through a rough time I'd want to help make her feel better and comfort her anyway I could.
If you truly accepted him for who he is then you wouldn't be telling him to change, because that isn't who he is. Don't send him to another girl 'cause then you can potentially lose him. Just be happy with what you've got, if it's meant to be, it will be.
Some guys don't want to change, hell, they refuse to change... I know if a girl tried to change me I'd have her flying out my front door like I just gave her a Redbull.
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So you wouldn't change for a girl you really like and care for? Thats the thing here...I have accepted him but most advice I have been given is if he really cares for me then he'll make the effort to change. I'm not saying hey change your shoes I don't like them. These are serious issues where it has made an impact on our relationship such as lacking to communicate with me and express himself to me. Or for him to contact me rather than me always contacting him first. Or for him to include me in his activities. Like his best friend would take his girl out for some events with friends and he wouldn't get me involved. So what ? I feel like a side chick and I'm STILL accepting him. I know you'll probably say well thats my fault but hey I am doing what you're telling me to do "cupid." I wish you were right when you say accept him or you'll lose him but your reasons to are not convincing.
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CrimsonDeadly
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Actually, now that you've given more detail I think I've come to start agreeing with you. I mean trying to make him change will still push him away because nobody likes changing... I've only done it once for one girl, which was bragging too much, which then lead to a drastic drop in confidence when she dumped me.
Partners need to communicate in a relationship... If they aren't telling each other things then nobody will know if there are any problems or how to solve them. I've recently just come out of a relationship in which my gf refused to communicate about things as well simply due to the negativity (which couldn't have been helped by this point, it was inevitable).
Contacting you first isn't of great importance but I can see how it would annoy you, considering something like that would probably annoy me as well. And I also agree with the activities part, it's actually something I say to my friend, he's going out with a girl but they only ever go to each others houses, and usually if I'm going to his house, she has to leave, or if she's coming, I have to leave... So I can understand that would be annoying as it gives the impression that he's embarrassed by you or like you said, are a side chick and he doesn't wanting the main chick finding out (but that's all speculation and I wouldn't act on that thought until you've found evidence)
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Well I actuly found out he's been messaging a girl out of the country who I think he had a thing with before he met me. I think she was a foreign exchange student which is why she was here. Apparently he took her to His family for an occassion and he has yet to do that with me. And they're still talking over FB.
I didn't know how to feel about that because what if she finds out about me ? She's gonna feel worthless too like she's the side chick. So maybe I'm the main chick (which is still not OK but better than a side chick). But like I said he took her to his family so why hasn't he done that w me? I've spoken with them on the phone and supposedly his mom asks bout me. So me not seeing his family or being a part if any activity w friends or family makes me feel like a side chick compared to her. Is that evidence for me to act on it? I have already and asked him to admit it he's talking to someone and he won't give in he sounds so convincing but I knw the truth.