Is it normal for good people to attract psychopaths?

43% Normal
18 Comments

When I was in high school, I met a young man who I'll call Duncan for anonymity's sake. Duncan and I played games and hung out in real life for years, but I first noticed some tendencies when playing an MMO with a guild. It started with some lies in order to defend himself, throwing not only myself but multiple others under the bus even though we had nothing to do with some incidents he was trying to handle. He even tried to peg me as some sort of dominatrix, something I'm not nor have any interest in becoming. We had a falling out, but like an idiot I forgave him after some time.

Then there's another issue, which I'll try to sum up quickly. He had tried some psychological conditioning by squeezing my stomach of all areas really painfully whenever I did something that even resembled an action he didn't like, mostly attacking his fragile ego with something rational. Thankfully I didn't fall for it, but he knew I would react to the pain, and if I were driving and mention anything he didn't agree with he'd threaten to do so subtly by placing his hand on my stomach as if to say "If you say what you're thinking, you're gonna kill us both", knowing the pain he'd cause would cause me to flail and get us both in an accident.

Recently I stopped talking to him, but knowing the damage he's caused makes me fear for the few friends I have who talk to him. His toxic behavior alone has lead to three close groups of online friends to disband, he's threatened me and multiple others including ex girlfriends with violence or even death, and he still has people who trust him over anyone else because of his multilayered behaviors that only get worse when you dig deeper.

Has anyone else met a person like this? Someone who acts like a good person to gain your trust even when they take off their mask and show how completely vile and cruel they are...

Voting Results
43% Normal
Based on 14 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    Don't know if he'd be entitled to a clinical diagnosis of psychopathy, but it's a spectrum thing, and he's probably on it.

    It's not so much a case of good people being attracted to psychopaths (although some are), as psychopaths being able to recognise good targets and picking them as victims

    If he's threatening violence and your knowledge of the sort of guy he is makes you believe it's not just all hot air, then you need to consider reporting this. Laws vary, so he might not be guilty of a criminal offence where you live, but perhaps he needs to be on the police radar.

    If he's young - as I suspect he is from what you say - then it's possible he's working himself up from threats to actual violence. Most psychologically disturbed people who commit violence don't do that out of the blue; there are usually lots of warning signs that people blow off as just talk. Think about what comes out after virtually every school shooting: people knew the guy was a weirdo and they heard him making threats, but they chose to believe it was all just talk because they didn't want to accept they knew someone who was working himself up to mass-murder.

    One final point: how does he behave with animals? There's a strong correlation between people who abuse animals and people who are violent to other people. Obviously, not everyone who ill-treats an animal will turn into a mass-murderer, but most premeditated murderers have a history of animal cruelty.

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  • RoseIsabella
    5 years ago

    He sounds like a little bitch of a narcissistic sociopath, might he even have a touch of the some delusional thinking. I'm not an expert of course, I'm just a person who has run into her share of toxic people.

    You were smart to distance yourself from his crazy ass, but you probably should have dumped him the first time he was lying about you, and other people for the sake of his fragile ego. Also it was completely inappropriate for him to put his hands on you, and squeeze your stomach. Don't take that bullshit from anyone. No one has the right to touch you in ways you don't want.

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  • bogbrush
    5 years ago

    Charm is something psychopaths have in order to manipulate. Like the spider and the fly. I think about 1 in 20 people are psychos. A little psychopathology in business can be a good thing as they get things done.

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    • RoseIsabella
      5 years ago

      Business people often make me uncomfortable.

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  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Holy shit. That sounds insane. No I've never met anyone like this but damn it I did I'd get as far away as possible from them.

    I'm sorry you had to go through this.

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    • RoseIsabella
      5 years ago

      The Potato has spoken.

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        Remember, when you peel a potato try and cut off as little as possible.

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        • drat
          5 years ago

          That’s why I don’t peel them at all 😻

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          • IrishPotato
            5 years ago

            There's actually recipes with unpeeled potatoes.

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          • IrishPotato
            5 years ago

            I eat them raw.

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    • le-monde-21
      5 years ago

      Thanks. I just wish I caught on sooner to Duncan's mind games so I could've gotten myself out of there quicker. I'm still scared for the people I know who still stick around him, but I can't change their hearts.

      I guess the only consolation I can give myself is I was only a friend in his eyes, thankfully I never dated him. I heard from two of his ex girlfriends how bad he gets when no one's looking, I won't say the what since it gets personal and they wouldn't want me bringing in specifics, but despite being long distance relationships they were hurt by his actions.

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        Yeah I can't even imagine what Duncan would be like were they be in a relationship with them.

        Damn. I feel sympathetic towards his current friends, and part of me can't grasp why some of those people stay friends with them. I guess they're being manipulated in a way they find his actions justifiable. I feel sorry for them and for you.

        I hope you're okay.

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  • SmokeEverything
    5 years ago

    This is a lot to read but I'm not mentally well and I tend to attract a lot of good people and animals that I love very much. It makes life worth living.

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  • SwickDinging
    5 years ago

    This will be unpopular but I don't care, I'd rather be honest because I think it's more helpful.

    You are the problem in that situation. Don't get me wrong, that guy is definitely crazy and that's not your fault at all, you weren't to know that when you first met. But his behaviour towards you took a dark turn and you allowed him to continue to be a part of your life for this long. When someone starts acting like that you need to just keep away from them and stop giving them your attention. Continuing to have contact with them and then eventually forgiving them is just you encouraging them, and it makes it seem like you secretly like the attention and want them to continue to treat you badly.

    I know this because I was in a similar situation and, like you, it took me longer than it should have to walk away. I lost friends in the process and was financially ruined. I learned from that experience though and it sounds like you have too.

    I'm glad you're away from him now, well done for making the right call. Unfortunately some people are just dicks.

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    • Boojum
      5 years ago

      It sounds like you blame yourself for sticking with the unpleasant situation for as long as you did. I'm all for taking personal responsibility for the decisions we make in life, but I think you might be being a little hard on yourself.

      The thing about manipulative people is that they're good at it. They know how to push buttons and get people to do what they want. The really talented ones can suck people so far down the rabbit hole that they lose all sense of self-respect and even their own identity and they never escape.

      An anecdote that pertains: I was once in Rome and had my pocket picked by a group of four girls who looked to be about eight years old. Afterwards, I felt incredibly stupid and gullible for falling for what were, in retrospect, some pretty blatant distraction techniques. And it's true that I was all that. But those kids were pros. That's how they made their living (or at least stopped their parents from beating the shit out of them every evening). They knew how to spot a good mark, and they knew how to get what they wanted from him.

      It's easy to blame victims for not being wiser and more perceptive, and it's tempting to feel bad about ourselves when we're the victim, but we're all doing the best we can and learning as we go along.

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  • TerriAngel
    5 years ago

    Le-monde
    I wouldn't really call him a psycho.
    He's much to obvious.
    He's just a controlling dick.
    Just have someone beat his ass.
    If you don't know someone capable, get out more.
    Online game playing little shits are into this control thing.
    Till they cross an actual real life man.
    Push all the buttons you want.
    A real man will still bust your ass and leave you calling for your mommy.
    That said Le-monde how about you taking some classes.
    Learn to not be anyone's punching bag?

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