OMG!!!!!! I think that this is what happened to a girl I dated recently. Are you a girl?
Do you experience a sudden change? Or it is kind of a gradual one? This is very interesting, yet so dissapointing for the other part... you think that the other person has feelings for you, and then... she/he fades away.
I am in fact a girl. I don't have much relationship experience to be honest but i know the very first guy I decided to be 'in a relationship' with lasted less than a week- because of this. Yes the feeling that came over was very sudden, and was actually triggered by someone else mentioning our relationship, just in a casual way. I suddenly thought of our relationship differently and felt very uncomfortable and if I remember correctly I literally tried to erase him from my life; not speaking to him at all and i was going to block him on fb (he did nothing wrong!) but after a few pondering days I just told him it wouldn't work and we stayed friends.
I may have changed now though, I am a happier and more confident person and I don't want to play with peoples' feelings like that, even if I can't help it.
I just started dating a guy and I'm really anxious it'll happen again, but I'm trying to be more laid-back about it and not think about things too much, just let things happen..
sorry that was long I just thought I'd explain. do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?
Hello! Don't worry about the long posts, I like to read. Moreover, this subject is interesting to me. So if you need to add details, go on!
"do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?"
I don't have much experience in relationships either (I'm 23). But yes, sometimes I get concerned about my feeling towards a woman. However, if I don't like her, in general, I realize that after a few dates, regardless of having or not having sex. Nevertheless, one thing is true: stupidity, in my case, is a gigantic turn off. If she is incredibly hot, but has a peanut instead of a brain, I won't like her. Period.
As you see, my realization is more like a gradual one, I mean, my feelings CAN change... but I can give explanations about it (i.e. her kisses did not fascinate me, our lifestyle differs too much, etc.). What you experience are sudden changes, right? and it seems that you can't help it. I don't think you should feel guilty, that being the case. And telling the guy that "it wouldn't work" was the best thing you could do, it shows maturity and respect for the counterpart, IMO.
It is impossible to determine how much love will last -sometimes it endures for years, sometimes for days- so we should enjoy it whilst it lives.
Sadly, I think a lot of people have been on the receiving end, like you have. I know I certainly have; it went from intense love which seemed like it could last a lifetime to absolutely nothing, virtually overnight. It's funny because these people who do this appear to be aware they do it and some will even tell you upfront they are bad in relationships, but they also make you feel that you might be the one to change them.
Hehehe, do you think you'll start asking the girls you date what their early childhood relationship was like with their mothers?
Ha! I doubt so! Well, now that I think about it, I usually ask them for their relationship with their parents... but from now on I will keep in mind this article. The types of attachment described are really interesting.
This case of mine was the first with HUGE incoherences. As you say, it seems that her feeling went from intense lust/love to nothing at all in a brief period of time... nonsense. Still waiting to my friend in common to ask her what the hell happened. I'm sure that this story is over. I just wanna know why...
Is it normal for feelings to change like this?
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OMG!!!!!! I think that this is what happened to a girl I dated recently. Are you a girl?
Do you experience a sudden change? Or it is kind of a gradual one? This is very interesting, yet so dissapointing for the other part... you think that the other person has feelings for you, and then... she/he fades away.
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I am in fact a girl. I don't have much relationship experience to be honest but i know the very first guy I decided to be 'in a relationship' with lasted less than a week- because of this. Yes the feeling that came over was very sudden, and was actually triggered by someone else mentioning our relationship, just in a casual way. I suddenly thought of our relationship differently and felt very uncomfortable and if I remember correctly I literally tried to erase him from my life; not speaking to him at all and i was going to block him on fb (he did nothing wrong!) but after a few pondering days I just told him it wouldn't work and we stayed friends.
I may have changed now though, I am a happier and more confident person and I don't want to play with peoples' feelings like that, even if I can't help it.
I just started dating a guy and I'm really anxious it'll happen again, but I'm trying to be more laid-back about it and not think about things too much, just let things happen..
sorry that was long I just thought I'd explain. do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?
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paradox90
10 years ago
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Hello! Don't worry about the long posts, I like to read. Moreover, this subject is interesting to me. So if you need to add details, go on!
"do you never get concerned about how you feel about someone? is it so straight-forward that you just know you love them and it doesn't change?"
I don't have much experience in relationships either (I'm 23). But yes, sometimes I get concerned about my feeling towards a woman. However, if I don't like her, in general, I realize that after a few dates, regardless of having or not having sex. Nevertheless, one thing is true: stupidity, in my case, is a gigantic turn off. If she is incredibly hot, but has a peanut instead of a brain, I won't like her. Period.
As you see, my realization is more like a gradual one, I mean, my feelings CAN change... but I can give explanations about it (i.e. her kisses did not fascinate me, our lifestyle differs too much, etc.). What you experience are sudden changes, right? and it seems that you can't help it. I don't think you should feel guilty, that being the case. And telling the guy that "it wouldn't work" was the best thing you could do, it shows maturity and respect for the counterpart, IMO.
It is impossible to determine how much love will last -sometimes it endures for years, sometimes for days- so we should enjoy it whilst it lives.
Sadly, I think a lot of people have been on the receiving end, like you have. I know I certainly have; it went from intense love which seemed like it could last a lifetime to absolutely nothing, virtually overnight. It's funny because these people who do this appear to be aware they do it and some will even tell you upfront they are bad in relationships, but they also make you feel that you might be the one to change them.
Hehehe, do you think you'll start asking the girls you date what their early childhood relationship was like with their mothers?
--
paradox90
10 years ago
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Ha! I doubt so! Well, now that I think about it, I usually ask them for their relationship with their parents... but from now on I will keep in mind this article. The types of attachment described are really interesting.
This case of mine was the first with HUGE incoherences. As you say, it seems that her feeling went from intense lust/love to nothing at all in a brief period of time... nonsense. Still waiting to my friend in common to ask her what the hell happened. I'm sure that this story is over. I just wanna know why...