Is it normal for family to be so closed about my orientation?
I had recently moved back from California to Southern New Mexico as a way to ride out the economic storm, and visit a few relatives in the process. It had been over five years since I spoke to my family face to face, and I was excited to see my grandmother once more. Those dreams were dashed, when midway into our greeting, she asked where my kids were.
Naturally I was very confused (and thought she was joking around). i told her I had no kids. She looked at me rather coldly and asked why not?
You see, I'm a 27 year old asexual. That is, I have no sexual desire (a virgin) and a student who travels to certain parts of the country for field digs (I'm studying in the Paleo-sciences). It's an unorthodox life, but I'm happy and content with it. My cousin spoke up and asked if I was currently engaged to anyone. Again, confusion. I replied no, I don't have any interest to find anyone.
My grandmother made a crude remark. " You're still lesbian? When are you going to grow up and find a man?" I told her that I was never a lesbian, and I don't find men or women attractive. I also clearly remember telling her I was asexual and what that means. My cousin said that was an excuse. I was young, pretty, and shouldn't waste my time digging in the dirt. " What you need is a good lay." she said. " Then you'll see the light."
Okay...that's where it hit home. I didn't want to lose my cool, but all their assumptions were not based on anything factual. Since when did they know more about myself than I did? I didn't mean to tell my own relatives off, but hey, I'm only human. I told her maybe should close her damn legs, instead of breeding like a rabbit, and mooching off her dying Dad's money. And I told my grandmother to mind her own business. I left out the door, and a day later I apologized out of guilt. Though I felt they owed me one as well. And what did they say?
" Glad you saw the error of your ways. I'm going to my friend's bachelorette party, she hired a male dancer. Maybe you should go, and see if we can fix that problem you have with men."
I hung up. I haven't spoken to either one for about a month. I've ignored their calls and texts, and it seems my grandmother is spreading rumors to other relatives that I'm lesbian. Now my other cousins look at me funny, and my aunt doesn't bring her five year old around me anymore, thinking she'll 'catch' what I have. And they don't want to listen to what I have to say.
It's just ridiculous!
My parents, classmates and friends know and accept my asexuality. Why can't my other family members? Why can't they understand that there is more to life than sex, lust, and money? That true happiness is doing what you enjoy. I found my happiness, but their hurtful words and slander breaks my heart.