I feel similarly about molestation in my past. It was something I held onto for a long time and never told anyone outside of family. Then I decided to be more open about it and tell some people close to me, though I didn't feel any better to be honest so now I just keep it to myself. The past is the past, I think really the best thing is to deal with it as best you can and move on. I don't think of it as a secret anymore it's just an event in life that I can't see many positives to discussing. I guess I just wish sometimes that I knew about sex at 7 but you can't change the past.
I do think that the fear you feel shows that there is some healing to be done. Whatever form that takes is up to you, remember that the rape doesn't reflect on you.
Is it normal for a rape victim/survivior to not want to seek help
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I feel similarly about molestation in my past. It was something I held onto for a long time and never told anyone outside of family. Then I decided to be more open about it and tell some people close to me, though I didn't feel any better to be honest so now I just keep it to myself. The past is the past, I think really the best thing is to deal with it as best you can and move on. I don't think of it as a secret anymore it's just an event in life that I can't see many positives to discussing. I guess I just wish sometimes that I knew about sex at 7 but you can't change the past.
I do think that the fear you feel shows that there is some healing to be done. Whatever form that takes is up to you, remember that the rape doesn't reflect on you.