Thank you for your thoughtful response. In my boy's case, although he is classified as "gifted" by the school, he does get along well, in general, with children in a range of ages. While he can see the world from a mature perspective in some respects, he also can enjoy running about outside playing with lightsabres and shouting his head off. I would say in general he is well adjusted, with good social skills.
I think the question I should have asked should have focused more on what I perceive as the abnormal behaviour of the older girl. My son's other older friends occasionally engage in some friendly ribbing, and he can give as well as he gets. However, with this girl, the teasing seems to be more mean spirited, and she seems quite immature, even babyish, emotionally. I would say my son's emotional/psychological IQ and age are higher than the girl's, but he is just nine and can be quite sensitive, so her mean spirited nature can quite upset him at times.
I'm a believer in parents letting kids work out their own social issues, but I'm concerned that in this case, I should step in. Thank you for the suggestion on the book. I will check it out and give it a read.
I should have asked this before. Has he asked for help? If not you really shouldn't do anything. Also consider this, she is not going to be the only person in his life that he meets that treats him like this. If you rob him of the experience of figuring out how to deal with people like that now you may be robbing him of the experience he will need for dealing with those people later.
Also at that age I loved to play outside and loved playing with "mature" kids my age. The point I was making is that playing with older kids will speed up his maturity. Consider for a moment the maturity level of a 9 year old just a hundred years ago and compare that of 9 year olds today. Modern parenting methods leave a great deal to be desired in that they create emotionally and psychologically retarded adults. Think of people you know in their thirties that act like children and ask yourself if you want your kid to be like that. It is good to let kids know you are there for them if they want you but that you will let them go their own way. To quote Lazarus long
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs -- sex especially. When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes -- but that's their business, not yours. (You made your own mistakes, did you not?)
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
He is very independent-minded and stubborn, so for him to directly ask for help would probably mean something fairly serious was going on. However, he does complain about certain things the older girl has said or done, which perhaps could be a way of indirectly asking for help.
And yes, I agree with you that he needs to develop his skills in dealing with difficult people. That is why I haven't stepped in before. I do give him advice, and remind him he can always go somewhere else and not play with her, if she is going to be nasty. He does have the courage to do this, and has.
I think that my issue is really two-fold. First, I am protective of my son and don't want him in a situation where he is being bullied. Second, it's very difficult for me to understand this girl's behaviour, so I'm perplexed. But the truth is, the girl's behaviour is none of my business, as she (thankfully) not my child.
I agree with you that parents who attempt to micromanage their children's social interactions are doing them a disservice. However, if this girl's actively bad behaviour (as opposed to her rudeness, which is annoying, but not actually harmful) persists, then I do feel it's my responsibility to restrict my son's opportunities to be around her.
Thank you again for your well-thought out responses.
Is it normal for a child to have considerably older friends?
↑ View this comment's parent
← View full post
Thank you for your thoughtful response. In my boy's case, although he is classified as "gifted" by the school, he does get along well, in general, with children in a range of ages. While he can see the world from a mature perspective in some respects, he also can enjoy running about outside playing with lightsabres and shouting his head off. I would say in general he is well adjusted, with good social skills.
I think the question I should have asked should have focused more on what I perceive as the abnormal behaviour of the older girl. My son's other older friends occasionally engage in some friendly ribbing, and he can give as well as he gets. However, with this girl, the teasing seems to be more mean spirited, and she seems quite immature, even babyish, emotionally. I would say my son's emotional/psychological IQ and age are higher than the girl's, but he is just nine and can be quite sensitive, so her mean spirited nature can quite upset him at times.
I'm a believer in parents letting kids work out their own social issues, but I'm concerned that in this case, I should step in. Thank you for the suggestion on the book. I will check it out and give it a read.
--
YngPoly
11 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
1
1
I should have asked this before. Has he asked for help? If not you really shouldn't do anything. Also consider this, she is not going to be the only person in his life that he meets that treats him like this. If you rob him of the experience of figuring out how to deal with people like that now you may be robbing him of the experience he will need for dealing with those people later.
Also at that age I loved to play outside and loved playing with "mature" kids my age. The point I was making is that playing with older kids will speed up his maturity. Consider for a moment the maturity level of a 9 year old just a hundred years ago and compare that of 9 year olds today. Modern parenting methods leave a great deal to be desired in that they create emotionally and psychologically retarded adults. Think of people you know in their thirties that act like children and ask yourself if you want your kid to be like that. It is good to let kids know you are there for them if they want you but that you will let them go their own way. To quote Lazarus long
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs -- sex especially. When they are growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes -- but that's their business, not yours. (You made your own mistakes, did you not?)
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
--
gryphon70
11 years ago
|
pl
Comment Hidden (
show
)
Report
0
0
He is very independent-minded and stubborn, so for him to directly ask for help would probably mean something fairly serious was going on. However, he does complain about certain things the older girl has said or done, which perhaps could be a way of indirectly asking for help.
And yes, I agree with you that he needs to develop his skills in dealing with difficult people. That is why I haven't stepped in before. I do give him advice, and remind him he can always go somewhere else and not play with her, if she is going to be nasty. He does have the courage to do this, and has.
I think that my issue is really two-fold. First, I am protective of my son and don't want him in a situation where he is being bullied. Second, it's very difficult for me to understand this girl's behaviour, so I'm perplexed. But the truth is, the girl's behaviour is none of my business, as she (thankfully) not my child.
I agree with you that parents who attempt to micromanage their children's social interactions are doing them a disservice. However, if this girl's actively bad behaviour (as opposed to her rudeness, which is annoying, but not actually harmful) persists, then I do feel it's my responsibility to restrict my son's opportunities to be around her.
Thank you again for your well-thought out responses.