Is it normal for a boyfriend to be so oblivious & distant?

Hi guys! This is my first post. I just got out of a relationship and I'm really hurt. I haven't had many boyfriends so just wondering if this is normal!

My boyfriend was a sweetie when we first started dating, went to museums, diners, out to eat. As soon as quarantine started he became OBLIVIOUS and he immediately switched. I would text him what he was up to, if he wanted to do anything, but always would reply HOURS later bc he was so busy with his music album in quarantine and say "sorry let's do something later!" which is fine but it was EVERY time.

He would take HOURS to reply to texts sometimes, bc he was so obsessed with his music stuff, and when he did reply it was often just about his music. Two times, I texted something important and he responded almost 2 days LATER. The first was a job promotion, the 2nd was an important medical test result. He would reply the next Saturday NIGHT like nothing was wrong and go "sorry! didn't see this! that's great". I'm a very bubbly person so started to get hurt when he wouldn't respond.

He always went on trips with friends and his sister but I never got invited. He'd come back just casually say hi like he didn't even miss me.
He kept saying we'd go on trips or hiking or fun outdoor stuff every weekend but we never did!

I kept participating, but there is some abuse at my home so I would sometimes call him crying, or act very distant around him. He would always say "Sorry, I don't know how to help you." and then do nothing. I felt very hurt & stopped trying.

I asked him 2x if he still liked me and he said "of course I do!". But things didn't really change. I started to feel distant & got my feelings hurt so I brought it up and told him, but he said "I don't know how else to help you! We hang out, we eat dinner at my house, and we talk." and I just didn't know what to say.

The last 2 months I stopped trying and would just sit in silence in the car with him because I was so sad. I'm VERY shy so it's hard for me to communicate. He then broke up with me bc "we weren't getting any closer". I feel awful! Is this normal behavior for a guy? Or do I care too much?

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  • It sounds to me like he has lost interest. It does not sound like he dislikes you. He probably does like you. But I dont think the sexaul attraction is there.

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    • Thanks! That makes sense :( That’s really sad, I wish he had said something sooner than 8 months.

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  • You should talk to him. In my experience if someone starts acting that way they are no longer interested but that has been in dating. I think it's pretty immature to do that if you're in a commited relationship instead of just breaking up and talking about how he feels. You should tell him he's acting distant and it's possible he might not admit it right away because he won't know how to explain why but just say that you've noticed a change in his behaviour, and if it continues you bring it up again soon and you say wanna talk about it. It's also possible he's just not feeling well or needing some space, I dont know him but you do so you know if that's possible. Either way you guys need to talk.

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    • Thanks :)) This was very well explained and you're right that they won't admit it right away. He already broke up but I did bring it up 2 or 3 times like you said that he was distant. But every time he said “no I still like you! That’s just how I am!” so we went along then he broke up with me out of blue. I wish he'd said something sooner that's why I was so crushed lol, you're right he probably just couldn't muster. Thanks ellnell :)

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  • My now ex bf was amazing in person. Charming as hell can hold a conversation easily and pretty hot no alchol needed yummy. But digitally communicating with him was a bloody nightmare. Pretty much whst you described. But if he's like that with you in person as well I'd say he's lost interest

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    • Thankss. It's very frustrating. Feel like I played all the right cards it just happens. Thanks lmao!! I know guys are bad texters I agree on that part! Lol this made me laugh

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