There is no getting ahead without struggling. So that part is normal.
However, I feel that you have taken on too much responsibility by trying to assist other people without the resources of knowledge of how to effectively do that.
Take care of yourself and your family 1st. You can only really help someone if you are financially stable yourself.
Then you need to learn how to sort out the difference between those that are:
1) In an unusual short term crises and need short term assistance.
2) Looking for assistance and willing to work to improve their situation.
3) Those just looking for a handout as that is easier than improving themselves and their situation (which requires work and change).
It took me about many years (and over $40,000 wasted to learn that lesson). The vast majority of people looking for help are in the 3rd category.
Here is how I handle it: If the person appears to be in a short term crises I will provide food for a day (on rare occasions for a week), perhaps shelter for the night, pay 1 month of a phone bill, buy a 1 month bus pass, etc. Note: I pay these bills and buy the things. I virtually never give them more than $20 cash. I will hook them up with local agencies and charities beyond that. Half the people turn out to be in such a crises and my short term assistance gets them over the hump. The other half were actually in Category 3 as all they do is complain that I didn't help enough and they need me to give them money.
The key to finding out if they are willing to improve themselves once they are stable, or for others that do not present themselves as in an emergency crises is to start a discussion about what their immediate dreams area - and that to get those, and their longer term dreams, they most likely have to improve their knowledge and skills.
I've learned over the decades that there are about a half dozen areas where people have shortcomings in knowledge and skills; and I carry a selection of "self help" books on those topics (books that I have found to be highly effective) and I let them chose a book. If they read that book I provide another book along with advice, and keep doing that over and over. The longest I have done that was 2.5 years and I've given more than 20 books to some people. It has changed their lives significantly for the better.
To paraphrase Zig Zigler (look him up): "If we won't learn; no one can help us. If we are willing to learn; no one can stop us."
Also, I can provide other financial and resource assistance to someone who is reading books to improve themselves (including interview cloths).
Those that don't read the book. I never see them again. Honestly, 85% of the people that select a book never reads it; and I've given out more than 100 books a year for a number of years (except this last year).
Those books are far cheaper than the amount of money I had previously given to people who never improved themselves. I have boxes of books in my house to give away. I buy key books in lots of 5-10.
Thus I give everyone a chance who catches my attention, and am investing my time and resources into people who are actually working on improving themselves. This has worked very well. I've also assisted some of these industrious people to start their own successful business.
However, go back many many years I was overwhelmed with all the people who seemed to need assistance - and I was giving away money to people to the point that I was hurting myself.
Please learn from my past lessons: Take care of yourself and your family 1st. Get yourself financially and emotionally stable 1st.
Understand that the vast majority of people looking for money are not going to use the money you give them to improve their future. You are in most cases would be giving money and time to a black hole that will suck you dry.
Not only that, these people become dependent on you and then they scream all the louder when you eventually cut them off. My goal was to create or at least improve independence, not to make someone dependent on me.
Learn to sift and sort people to find those who you can actually make a difference in their lives. In the end I found books to work for me. Some people do it with prayer and values.
I wish you the best. You have a great heart and you can have a great future, and learn how to really have an impact by helping people in the future when you are better equipped for that.
Great Question: What's the best book for you is highly dependent on you and where you are in life.
Here is the list of books that I always had with me in my introduction to books pack prior to Covid-19. These are the ones that I have found that people can make immediate improvements in their lives from by reading them. These all are about learning how things actually work and improving your key skills.
-"How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Digital Age" By: Dale Carnegie & Associates. Learning to communicate better is the single most effective way of improving your future.
- "The 5 Love Languages" By: Gary Chapman. No one builds a successful life if their romantic relationship is not solid; and a lot of people have problems with their SO (or SOs for those that function best in plural relationships).
- "Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude" By: Napoleon Hill & W. Clement Stone.
- "Emotional Intelligence" By: Daniel Goleman. In General, people get paid by their Emotional Intelligence (EQ), not by their knowledge intelligence IQ.
- "Psycho-Cybernetics" By: Maxwell Maltz. Understand how your mind works - and put it working towards improving you and your future.
- "The Compound Effect" By: Darren Hardy. A primer on how to become successful at anything (each chapter in this book is generally a summary of a full book on the chapter's subject).
I also tend to have the following books as they tend to be popular and effective for certain specific things.
- "The Art of Dealing with People" By Les Giblin. This is a short summary on the keys of communication with people. Its a very thin book.
- "The Strangest Secret" By Earl Nightingale. This is actually the printed scripts for an old vinyl record or cassette tape, and a VCR video tape presentation. You can find the audio and video files on the internet (most likely on Youtube). Still many people like to have the book so they can underline, highlight, and make notes.
- "The Magic of Thinking Big" by David J Schwartz. People who think big think differently than the rest... and it pays off big time.
- "Dream Struggle Victory" By Gabriela Gonzalas & Ruben Gonzalez. Gabriela was I believe 12 when she had the idea to write this book. Her dad had the contacts for her to get the information she needed from people who had reached a high level of success in a very competitive environment. Every victory starts with a dream, and has a struggle before the victory. This book is most about the struggles that people have gone through to reach their dreams.
Since Covid-19; I have read dozens of other books (I average 2-3 per month). Here are 3 other key books about how things work that I think everyone should understand:
- "Influence (Subtitled: The Psychology or Persuasion)" By: Robert Cialdini. Ever feel trapped by someone starting a charity or sales pitch. Learn to understand why that is so, how and why they work, and how to exit them easily; along with learning the basics of crafting an argument that will likely work on most people.
- "Personality Isn't Permanent (Subtitled: Break Free From Self Limiting Beliefs and Rewrite Your Story)" By Benjamin Hardy. I believe this is the best book of 2020. It proves wrong many previous books and common sayings - and shows you that you can indeed change your personality to what you want.
- "The 5 Choices (Subtitled: The Path To Extraordinary Productivity)" Kory Kogon, Adam Merrill, Leena Rinne. This has been the key education book of FranklinCovey on productivity and balancing your life.
So pick one that meets what you think is your most pressing interest or need; and start with that.
I have on hand at least 50 other titles in boxes to give away, and know of others to recommend. Those may be 2nd, 3rd, or Nth books; and depend on where the person is at and what they need to reach their personal goals.
I do mentor people as a charity - and you can contact me directly if you want to work with me. I cannot make any real recommendations to people without knowing more about their situation and goals.
I hope this list helps many people...
Note that I recreational read Science Fiction & Fantasy, History, Science history, and many other things that catch my interest.
This is so awesome. I am adding these books to my list. I read like 5 books at a time lol 😆 I am definitely interested in being mentored. I think you have a ton of wisdom just based on humility alone.
Super dope. Definitely a Sci fi, history, fantasy, and philosophy fan too. Do you have Goodreads?
PM me if you are serious about that mentor-ship. I make no guarantees, and are not a match with all people... Just that I have assisted well over 100 people noticeably improve their lives in the last decade.
Is it normal everyone is struggling?
← View full post
There is no getting ahead without struggling. So that part is normal.
However, I feel that you have taken on too much responsibility by trying to assist other people without the resources of knowledge of how to effectively do that.
Take care of yourself and your family 1st. You can only really help someone if you are financially stable yourself.
Then you need to learn how to sort out the difference between those that are:
1) In an unusual short term crises and need short term assistance.
2) Looking for assistance and willing to work to improve their situation.
3) Those just looking for a handout as that is easier than improving themselves and their situation (which requires work and change).
It took me about many years (and over $40,000 wasted to learn that lesson). The vast majority of people looking for help are in the 3rd category.
Here is how I handle it: If the person appears to be in a short term crises I will provide food for a day (on rare occasions for a week), perhaps shelter for the night, pay 1 month of a phone bill, buy a 1 month bus pass, etc. Note: I pay these bills and buy the things. I virtually never give them more than $20 cash. I will hook them up with local agencies and charities beyond that. Half the people turn out to be in such a crises and my short term assistance gets them over the hump. The other half were actually in Category 3 as all they do is complain that I didn't help enough and they need me to give them money.
The key to finding out if they are willing to improve themselves once they are stable, or for others that do not present themselves as in an emergency crises is to start a discussion about what their immediate dreams area - and that to get those, and their longer term dreams, they most likely have to improve their knowledge and skills.
I've learned over the decades that there are about a half dozen areas where people have shortcomings in knowledge and skills; and I carry a selection of "self help" books on those topics (books that I have found to be highly effective) and I let them chose a book. If they read that book I provide another book along with advice, and keep doing that over and over. The longest I have done that was 2.5 years and I've given more than 20 books to some people. It has changed their lives significantly for the better.
To paraphrase Zig Zigler (look him up): "If we won't learn; no one can help us. If we are willing to learn; no one can stop us."
Also, I can provide other financial and resource assistance to someone who is reading books to improve themselves (including interview cloths).
Those that don't read the book. I never see them again. Honestly, 85% of the people that select a book never reads it; and I've given out more than 100 books a year for a number of years (except this last year).
Those books are far cheaper than the amount of money I had previously given to people who never improved themselves. I have boxes of books in my house to give away. I buy key books in lots of 5-10.
Thus I give everyone a chance who catches my attention, and am investing my time and resources into people who are actually working on improving themselves. This has worked very well. I've also assisted some of these industrious people to start their own successful business.
However, go back many many years I was overwhelmed with all the people who seemed to need assistance - and I was giving away money to people to the point that I was hurting myself.
Please learn from my past lessons: Take care of yourself and your family 1st. Get yourself financially and emotionally stable 1st.
Understand that the vast majority of people looking for money are not going to use the money you give them to improve their future. You are in most cases would be giving money and time to a black hole that will suck you dry.
Not only that, these people become dependent on you and then they scream all the louder when you eventually cut them off. My goal was to create or at least improve independence, not to make someone dependent on me.
Learn to sift and sort people to find those who you can actually make a difference in their lives. In the end I found books to work for me. Some people do it with prayer and values.
I wish you the best. You have a great heart and you can have a great future, and learn how to really have an impact by helping people in the future when you are better equipped for that.
--
carterjm4
2 years ago
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Great advice. If you get a moment , I would love to know a good book.
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olderdude-xx
2 years ago
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Great Question: What's the best book for you is highly dependent on you and where you are in life.
Here is the list of books that I always had with me in my introduction to books pack prior to Covid-19. These are the ones that I have found that people can make immediate improvements in their lives from by reading them. These all are about learning how things actually work and improving your key skills.
-"How To Win Friends & Influence People In The Digital Age" By: Dale Carnegie & Associates. Learning to communicate better is the single most effective way of improving your future.
- "The 5 Love Languages" By: Gary Chapman. No one builds a successful life if their romantic relationship is not solid; and a lot of people have problems with their SO (or SOs for those that function best in plural relationships).
- "Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude" By: Napoleon Hill & W. Clement Stone.
- "Emotional Intelligence" By: Daniel Goleman. In General, people get paid by their Emotional Intelligence (EQ), not by their knowledge intelligence IQ.
- "Psycho-Cybernetics" By: Maxwell Maltz. Understand how your mind works - and put it working towards improving you and your future.
- "The Compound Effect" By: Darren Hardy. A primer on how to become successful at anything (each chapter in this book is generally a summary of a full book on the chapter's subject).
I also tend to have the following books as they tend to be popular and effective for certain specific things.
- "The Art of Dealing with People" By Les Giblin. This is a short summary on the keys of communication with people. Its a very thin book.
- "The Strangest Secret" By Earl Nightingale. This is actually the printed scripts for an old vinyl record or cassette tape, and a VCR video tape presentation. You can find the audio and video files on the internet (most likely on Youtube). Still many people like to have the book so they can underline, highlight, and make notes.
- "The Magic of Thinking Big" by David J Schwartz. People who think big think differently than the rest... and it pays off big time.
- "Dream Struggle Victory" By Gabriela Gonzalas & Ruben Gonzalez. Gabriela was I believe 12 when she had the idea to write this book. Her dad had the contacts for her to get the information she needed from people who had reached a high level of success in a very competitive environment. Every victory starts with a dream, and has a struggle before the victory. This book is most about the struggles that people have gone through to reach their dreams.
Since Covid-19; I have read dozens of other books (I average 2-3 per month). Here are 3 other key books about how things work that I think everyone should understand:
- "Influence (Subtitled: The Psychology or Persuasion)" By: Robert Cialdini. Ever feel trapped by someone starting a charity or sales pitch. Learn to understand why that is so, how and why they work, and how to exit them easily; along with learning the basics of crafting an argument that will likely work on most people.
- "Personality Isn't Permanent (Subtitled: Break Free From Self Limiting Beliefs and Rewrite Your Story)" By Benjamin Hardy. I believe this is the best book of 2020. It proves wrong many previous books and common sayings - and shows you that you can indeed change your personality to what you want.
- "The 5 Choices (Subtitled: The Path To Extraordinary Productivity)" Kory Kogon, Adam Merrill, Leena Rinne. This has been the key education book of FranklinCovey on productivity and balancing your life.
So pick one that meets what you think is your most pressing interest or need; and start with that.
I have on hand at least 50 other titles in boxes to give away, and know of others to recommend. Those may be 2nd, 3rd, or Nth books; and depend on where the person is at and what they need to reach their personal goals.
I do mentor people as a charity - and you can contact me directly if you want to work with me. I cannot make any real recommendations to people without knowing more about their situation and goals.
I hope this list helps many people...
Note that I recreational read Science Fiction & Fantasy, History, Science history, and many other things that catch my interest.
--
carterjm4
2 years ago
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This is so awesome. I am adding these books to my list. I read like 5 books at a time lol 😆 I am definitely interested in being mentored. I think you have a ton of wisdom just based on humility alone.
Super dope. Definitely a Sci fi, history, fantasy, and philosophy fan too. Do you have Goodreads?
--
olderdude-xx
2 years ago
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PM me if you are serious about that mentor-ship. I make no guarantees, and are not a match with all people... Just that I have assisted well over 100 people noticeably improve their lives in the last decade.