Is it normal... very strange fetish involving death

I'm pretty pissed right now. intoxicated and surprised autocorrect knows what/ the fuck I am taking about. but anyway I think I may have a problem. i have issues with death and sex where I mostly get off thinking of people (of both sexes) being killed, executed mostly. I like judicial executions especially. I saw Dzokhar Tsarnev's picture and knew he might be executed and I almost came. i have obsessed over that for two days. i feel guilty for the people he killed but I can't help enjoying the idea of his death. The idea of him lying there begging to live, being injected, and his eyelids fluttering, as he fights his final sleep... it's so good. I wanna hang or electrocute him. It would be so hot if I got to see him be executed in the electric chair. him jittering and straining against the straps... oh god... but he'll get death by lethal injection. I think I'm getting more of an interest in lethal injection now because of the Tsaernev kid. Even if he just falls asleep, he won't wake up but I wish they would not give him a paralytic) so little jahar would AT LEAST go into death throes. i want his life so badly!!! but i can't be his executioner. all I can do is jack off thinking about it. I m not going to kill anYbody. but this is "unsustainable." My girlfriend will and does play-execute me (I was so lucky to find a girl into death too) but it makes me so hard imaging other people dying and I feel so guilty over it. My lovely executioness isn't a bad person for wanting me to die but I feel like I am a bad person.