I don't know if it will help you, but here's how I got through what I had to do to survive that horrendous experience.
The second my boots hit the ground, I stopped and took a good look around. It was hot, humid and stunk. I made an agreement with myself that I would do whatever it took for me to get home safely. WHATEVER IT TOOK!
After my year, I went back home and gave almost no thought to that year and haven't given it much more since.
You survived and whatever you saw or did means nothing because you survived. That was the whole point of your existence from the minute you arrived. That and nothing else.
YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO SURVIVE!
Is it ever too late?
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I don't know if it will help you, but here's how I got through what I had to do to survive that horrendous experience.
The second my boots hit the ground, I stopped and took a good look around. It was hot, humid and stunk. I made an agreement with myself that I would do whatever it took for me to get home safely. WHATEVER IT TOOK!
After my year, I went back home and gave almost no thought to that year and haven't given it much more since.
You survived and whatever you saw or did means nothing because you survived. That was the whole point of your existence from the minute you arrived. That and nothing else.
YOU HAD EVERY RIGHT TO SURVIVE!