Internet friend lives in russia

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Ive had this male internet friend for 10 years or so and we're very close. We text a lot less nowadays but we are great friends and for years we'd text everyday.
He's algerian but he escaped algeria a few years ago to avoid military service and the only country he could escape to was russia and he's hated it there.
He tried to get to my country and wanted my help two years ago but I found out for that to work he'd have to stay with me and i'm a woman so I find that too risky since we've never met before, plus I live with my mom and there is no space.
I advised him to find some random woman to marry like in 90 day fiancé lol and signed him up for a dating app but he just has to be decent enough to not want to do that so he didn't go with that idea. He used to be introverted like myself, a smart spiritual sensitive guy who'd read a lot and loved his family. He also used to be very religious and he's a muslim so he'd pray and never drink or smoke. Then while he's been in russia he's changed a lot, unsurprisingly since russia is the way it is... He drinks all the time now, smokes, parties and has completely changed. I asked him weeks ago (before the russia-ukraine war) what he thinks about the fact that russia is threatning my country (im not ukrainan so a different country) and his reply was "I love russia"...
It's possible he was joking, but he didn't say anything else...
Then after the war had started I asked him what he thinks about all this and his reply was that he is not putin and that he hopes the war will come to an end, then he changed the topic.

I dont know I just have mixed feelings about my friend now and his feelings about all this especially knowing he's in russia and how corrupt their media is. He has the russian flag in his bio... multiple even... i'm not sure why he'd put the russian flag in his bio right now, he's not even russian :/

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Based on 4 votes (2 yes)

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Comments ( 11 )

1WeirdGuy

1 year ago

Wow a muslim that assimilated to the country they went to. Respect to him for deying the stereotypes.

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- Meatballsandwich
  
  1 year ago
  
  Yeah, it's very uncommon for muslims to assimilate. They usually just hate the country they live in and refuse to assimilate.
  
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hipposkit

1 year ago

Russia has crazy propaganda and internet monitoring, so he may not know how bad things truly are, or he might fear prosecution if he speaks against his country or its leader. Things are very stressful on both sides right now so give him some time to process and think. If you want to help him, maybe talk to him about finding healthy coping mechanisms, as he is probably smoking and drinking to relieve the anxiety of everything going on. I'm sure he doesn't want to talk about war right now, and ending your friendship because of something he has no control over would probably be very hurtful to him and you might end up regretting it. It's okay to want some space, but don't stop being there for him entirely. Sounds like that's not what he needs right now. We live in stressful, sensitive times where anything can divide people. But if you give into it then you will end up alone. Take some time to think before you decide anything. I wish the best for both of you

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Boojum

1 year ago

I'm not too sure what you're asking here if anything. A few thoughts come to mind.

First, it's not that uncommon for immigrants to become hyper-patriotic for their adopted country. But I don't know if that's what's going on with him, since you say he doesn't particularly like living in Russia. The Russian flags on his social media might be there because he feels the need to indicate affection for the country (even if he really ain't feeling it) to any Russians who might see his bio.

The same might apply to his "I love Russia" comment and what he's said about the war. Also, he might be very aware of the possibility that, as a non-Russian, "someone" could be monitoring his communications or "someone" might decide to scroll through every comment he's ever made online when he next passes through the checks at Russian airports for those leaving the country. This does happen.

I think it is possible that his view of what's happening might be skewed by the propaganda he's seeing on Russian state-controlled TV, but I have a strong suspicion that all foreigners in Russia are feeling at least a little on-edge at the moment about if and how larger events might affect them, so they're all being very careful about what they say and do.

I'd suggest that the most sensible thing for you to do would be to just pretend that there's nothing going on in Ukraine and find other things to talk about with him. The guy definitely can't influence what's going on there, and I seriously doubt if many Russians would be willing to open up to him as a non-Russian and let him know what they really think, so you can't even get that from him.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  1 year ago
  
  I'm not sure either i'm basically just feeling very shaken by everything going on currently and my friends weird comment about loving russia because I dont want to be friends with anyone who supports this war, but I really like my friend whom ive known for a long time.
  I guess its possible he might be worried, ive never heard about social media being monitored for immigrants but from what I know russia is pretty tough so it wouldnt be shocking.
  
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  - Boojum
    
    1 year ago
    
    It's impossible to know how much - if any scrutiny - he might be under by the security services. Him being concerned about that possibility would be rational, and there could be scary rumours going around that are seriously freaking him out. What always happens in countries where the government tightly controls the information given to the public is that some people swallow the BS without question, but many others recognise that it's BS and put more faith in rumours (many of which will also be wrong).
    
    If you're confident that the guy is fundamentally a decent human being, I suggest that you trust your gut feelings on that, particularly since that doesn't actually involve you taking any real-world risks. Once the current mess has been resolved one way or another and he's in a position where you're sure that he's able to express his thoughts and feelings freely, that will be the time to reassess whether he's the guy you believe him to be.
    
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pinkpotato9

1 year ago

Yeah that’s unusual. My boyfriend is of mild Russian decent and he used to have a Russian flag on his car and even he knew he had to take that off. I understand it’s not the people but it’s common courtesy and I don’t think he is helping with the movement behaving like that and pushing it aside.

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- KholatKhult
  
  1 year ago
  
  ‘Common courtesy’ to deny your heritage and be so incredibly self-hatingly racist you rollover because a couple companies that rely on child-slave labor put out a Twitter hashtag ?
  
  Christ. Hope y’all live in a safe neighborhood cause if y’all get jumped I just know your boyfriend going down easy
  
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  - pinkpotato9
    
    1 year ago
    
    It’s not being racist. It’s just being appropriate as to what is going on. Like wearing black to a funeral and not laughing? It’s the same thing.
    
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kelili

1 year ago

It's not because all over the media everyone is against Putin that Russians should suddenly hate Russia. He is entitled to his opinion and bear in mind that to all stories there are two sides.

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Meatballsandwich

1 year ago

That's actually pretty cool, not gonna lie. Vodka-chugging Algerian. Never thought that would happen.

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Internet friend lives in russia