Inn that my boyfriend thinks you should share everything?

And I mean everything. Like pass codes and messages. When I wanted to pay for something with my banking card, I held my hand above the machine so no one could see me typing my code. Back outside my boyfriend said: "Oh so you're one of those people." I'm like: "What do you mean?" He then said that I'm one of those people who hide stuff and then continued by saying: "My code is ****" and then expected me to do the same!
When I'm using my phone, he sometimes looks what I'm doing and then notices that I have 5 unopened messages on Messenger. Asking me if I'm not going to open them and expecting to do it in front of him. I objected of course, I don't want someone to look at things my friends are sending me (come on, I don't think my friends would like it if they knew that someone else knows what they are sharing with me. What if they share something very private that only I should know about?). He even made me unfriend one of my former male classmates :/
I had a discussion about this with him and said that privacy is very important to me. He told me that he never got why people are so entitled to their privacy and that it's a stupid thing. He thinks that when you're in a relationship, you should share everything. Messages, passcodes to all accounts and obviously bank accounts as well. We were together for a month at the time. Is this normal? Anyone had some experience like this?

Voting Results
9% Normal
Based on 34 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 36 )
  • Tealights

    It's normal to share in relationships, but only if it's voluntary; because every relationship needs some sort of autonomy.

    Your boyfriend is controlling, and rushing the relationship to make you invest quickly into him without building that trust naturally. Plus, next to controlling you, knowing your information makes it easier to check up on you, control your fiances (or at least look at where your money has been going), and more. Also, he's guilt-tripping you, which is a manipulative tactic. These are humongous, gigantic red flags, and you need to stop this relationship ASAP; especially since it's only been ONE MONTH! And no, this isn't good even if he did this 3 years in, everyone is entitled to their privacy and respect.

    If you're not ready to leave the relationship, then stand your ground and don't give in, because he will try different tactics from belittling your values, to guilt-tripping, to aggression, to exaggerated sob-stories about some cheating ex, everything. Always believe in yourself, and don't let him push pass your boundaries. Get out while you still can, because having an emotionally abusive boyfriend is not an enjoyable experience.

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    • Huh... he does tell a lot of sob-stories about cheating exes. He also says that this kind of sharing means trusting each other then again, he gets very jealous sometimes and he did make me unfriend that guy... Seems a bit contradictory. Also gets very suspicious when I don't answer his texts immediately (and texts me all the time when we're not spending time together. It's getting exhausting).
      Thanks for commenting, this helped a lot. It's what I've been feeling all along.

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  • What a fucking pussy. There is nothing more pathetic than an insecure jealous man.

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    • BabySilver

      #painal

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  • primrosebunny

    definetly not, please don't share evrything with him

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  • Yennifer_Of_Vengerburg

    Or yea where's my fucking honeymoon.... But sounds to me like his practicing his skills of manipulation

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  • Yennifer_Of_Vengerburg

    Well maybe you should simply say "Then where's my fucking ring cunt!, and my bank card linked to your account" come the fuck on your not married.

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  • bulbasaur64

    Not normal at all. There are a lot of red flags here and he isn't respecting your boundaries. He's rushing this relationship A LOT and it doesn't sound like he trusts you or lets you have your own autonomy. To be honest I would get out of that relationship as soon as possible -- or at the very least, put your foot down that this isn't okay, and let him know you won't stay if he keeps behaving this way.

    I've been in abusive and dysfunctional relationships before and this has a lot of similarities to how they started out. It honestly sounds like he's manipulating you. Be careful of if he tries to control your behaviour, or if he tries to keep you from seeing your friends.

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  • Handyman

    Trust must be earned. And even then I think some things are better not being shared.

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    • That's what I mean. I wouldn't like it if I shared something private with one of my friends and a boyfriend would know about it as well. Also the way he said "you're one of those people" just makes me mad when I think back about it.

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      • Handyman

        "One of those people" could mean he is making you feel bad, don't share. And no private secret things!

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        • Yeah he said in a snarky way, sounded as if he was looking down to me.

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          • Handyman

            He will be manipulating you for ever if you give in to him, and will make remarks about secrets you hide. You could be better off without him.

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            • I told him I'm fed up with his intrusive ways. He doesn't get why I find him intrusive. He thinks all of this is normal. A couple of days ago he was constantly messaging me when I was with my family (our family gatherings always end up very late) and basically whining every time I didn't answer his texts soon enough. Hinting that it's not normal for family meetings to turn out so late. I'm kind of getting pissed off now.

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  • RoseIsabella

    Run away from this guy, OP; run far, far away from him!

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  • yjing

    Cut off immediatly! Dangerous! Either super jelous or controlling or wierd or all of those... I mean even if you are married you keep your privacy...if you really wanna think he is honest and really thinks so, good luck for him cause if he said that thing of the pin in front of the shop person they would have called the police i guess

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    • He made me feel really bad for hiding my pin. Like I wasn't being normal for doing so. Kind of pissed off when I think about it again.

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      • NormalIsAsNormalDoes

        I agree with the person above. Cut off immediately.

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  • EccentricWeird

    Ugh the high quality of this post disgusts me.

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    • I'm taking this as a compliment.

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      • EccentricWeird

        Disgusting!

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  • MR.mr

    I'm nosy and intrusive but I think this is way too far.
    When I'm with a girl I can be too intrusive I take up her time and if she's texting or on the computer I'll spy, honestly just because I'm curious.

    Still I've never asked for her phone password or any other, And most certainly never her bank info that's ridiculous.

    I dated a girl on and off in college our longest together was almost 2 years, we were together almost 2 years and I never asked or expected the info that your bf is demanding. He's way to pushy and you should not feel bad about keeping your privacy.

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  • momomomomo

    Not normal. For that early of a relationship, he should value your personal boundaries. No matter how long of a relationship, he should respect your space anyway. He's being pushy and manipulative which is a huge red flag.

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  • Update for whoever cares (but more like a need to vent): I left the guy. Before we got together he was sweet, nice and sincere but the moment we were a couple, he became demanding, intrusive and showing a lot of difficulties respecting boundaries and whatnot. Not only my boundaries. He still lives at home and man, he's such a dick to his parents. He has no job and his parents give him money. I don't know such a life, I'm used to getting my shit together by myself since I was 15 years old. He also lies a lot. He said he worked hard to pay for his car, turns out he got his car from his parents. Didn't pay a dime himself. I think I got blinded because we like a lot of the same things.
    After almost two months, I find him very intrusive, needy and demanding. I'm tired of the guilt tripping. The lack of respect for my boundaries (he said he has no boundaries and doesn't get why people have them in the first place). I'm drained. He never left me alone for a moment. Whenever we weren't hanging out, he would text me constantly and guilt-trip me whenever I didn't answer soon enough. I may come of as weak and naive. Because I do give people the benefit of the doubt. I have always been that person that wants to see the best in people. But, when I feel I'm being walked on over, I can turn out nasty as well. Always open to talk things out but when I feel I'm being forced into doing stuff I'm against and boundaries aren't being accepted, well, fuck off then. And he knows that. I basically told him to fuck off (he kept messaging me acting all sweet and sorry the moment he sensed something was wrong). Seriously, fuck this. I'm not planning on sharing my life with someone who wants to change my values and not even find any respect for them.
    Well, thanks for all the comments. I think I just needed to be sure. And whoever reads this updat, thanks for caring. Turned out to be a little rant, but, I'm drunk (yay fridays) and celebrating me freedom! Stay cool, people.

    Seriously, thanks for all the caring.

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  • NormalIsAsNormalDoes

    I've never heard of anyone doing this. What country are you living in? Where did he grow up?

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  • shuggy-chan

    Oh, I see you're one of those people. That hid their pin numbers and social security number and license number and other personal information.

    Pffft typical

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  • JonathanOo

    It became normal for ne. But that was after more than a year if being together almost every day. And yes that included passcodes, food, drinks, clothes, bills, messages and even credit cards and bank info. It's all about how close you two really are

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    • Food, drinks, clothes, ok. But if one of you two wouldn't be comfortable with sharing stuff like bank info, could you respect that from each other? He makes me feel guilty because I want to keep my privacy.

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      • JonathanOo

        Yes plus it's too soon. Hello should be ok with your privacy

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        • See that's why I don't feel comfortable. It seems the lack of respect for my values is what bothers me. And yes, I can agree on sharing this kind of information after years but one month?

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          • JonathanOo

            It's up to you what you what you do. But you need to make it clear how you feel at this time. And that your not ready to forgo all privacy already

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  • Ratmanforelife

    He's setting you up for the break up. Then he can rob you blind. I've done this myself. Women are such stupid dumb asses.

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    • How charming.

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