In a hurry to grow up?

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I have never felt like I belong in my peer group. In fact, I feel like I was born a couple centuries late. I am 18 years old, am going to college, have a job, and am generally on track.

All that aside, I feel like if I were to somehow, magically, become a happily married mother overnight, I would be the happiest person on the face of the earth. I read every single parenting magazine that my mom tries to throw out, I learned how to cook, sew, and budget with the exclusive purpose of someday getting married and having children.

I have always wanted kids, biological or adopted, I love kids of any age, I get along with them, I connect with them, they seem to gravitate to me at parks at where I work. I am known as the "go-to" for getting babies to stop crying.

I want to work from home and be able to spend my time devoted to my kids. But, I'm 18. I'm nowhere near becoming a mother. I'm not having sex, I'm still single and not really actively looking. I don't plan on having/adopting kids until after I get married. My problem is, I don't know how I'm going to get there. All I know is that I can't wait until I'm there.

I'm worried I might start rushing the process and end up in a loveless marriage with more than I can handle, but at the same time the idea of embracing adulthood is SO much more than appealing.

I don't know how I should feel about this. Am I delusional? Is this possible, logical, insane? Is there something wrong with me for feeling like this? Is it wrong for me to not want a career in favor of having a family?

(Sorry that was kinda long. Just had to get it out of my system, I guess.)

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  • LaMaraj
    14 years ago | pl

    ^ what Crazydiamond said.

    I think getting through college is a must for anyone, especially if you want to work from home. I don't know if maybe you get this desire to be a parent from YOUR parents? Chat with them, maybe they can get you started on something that'll work for you.

    Also, on a random side note, I have to discourage living together before marriage. The way I see it (personally, you can see it however you want), cohabitation is marriage without the commitment. Again, that's just me.

    I think that you worrying about whether or not jilting career for family, in a weird kind of way, shows you might be well suited for family. Putting family first is what any good mother would do, and I think that's what you would like to be.

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    • WayOutThere
      14 years ago | pl

      "The way I see it...cohabitation is marriage without the commitment."

      Precisely. You can think of it as a trial marriage. You learn an awful lot more about someone when you live with them. And there is the possibility that you might not like what you see. It's better that you find this out *before* you get married, rather than after. It's easier to break up, at that point; divorces are messy, especially once you have kids.

      Take heed of beautiful_ndn's story. Don't make the same mistake. Once you have a child, you have made an irreversible decision. You have brought someone into this world, and there is no turning back. This is an enormous responsibility that will consume the best years of your life.

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  • Crazydiamond
    14 years ago | pl

    My thoughts on your post -

    Once again Wayouthere offers some unusually sage advice for this site. On the one hand as you feel so perfectly inclined to your role in life I suggest if it makes you happy go for it. On the other hand as you have perfect grammar and punctuation it leads me to think you have some intelligence which it would be a waste not to develop. As a woman you are capable of more than just the stereotypical pre-20th century role of 'child factory'. I encourage you to develop yourself first before you embrace this nature, think of it in these terms - the offspring you produce may benefit the human race more if you are in a position to educate and nurture them more so than if you were uneducated.

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  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago | pl

    You may be idealizing the past. There was a time that women had few or no options for education & employment & were unhappily limited to homemaking and child rearing - period.

    There is nothing wrong with wanting these things, though they are a ways off. But you have the opportunity now to develop yourself with an education and to keep a door open to being self supporting through a vocation.

    Doing so does not preclude what you are looking for, but rather, will make you a more attractive prospect for marriage and a better role model to your children.

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  • hotchickie81
    14 years ago | pl

    I know exactly how you feel! I wish I could have been born a century ago. I would love to stay at home and raise the kids. Instead I'm stuck working my butt off every day, and I hate it. Good luck!

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  • beautiful_ndn
    14 years ago | pl

    This is going to sound a bit flaky .. but ...

    I got pregnant when I was 19 and I had a baby when I was 20. It was a mistake, I'm not married but I am in a stable relationship. And I felt like I was too young to be a mother and I really resented it, I like kids and all that when I was growing up. But it seemed that I had my prime years ripped away from me. All my friends were out having fun and I was at home with a baby changing diapers. I always felt it unfair when my bf would go out, and I really resented him for everything.

    Now I don't know if my feelings came from a mild post partum depression. But now I couldn't love anything more than my son. I thought I was mature enough when I got pregnant and it turned out I was sadly mistaken. So I think you should give it like 5 years before you start taking 'making a family' serious. And I think you should try and have a career, even though I do pride myself on how I can cook and clean for my family while my bf is out working for us. I think you have to go out and live wildly for abit before the rest of your life is devoted to being a mother/housekeeper... just my opinion .

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  • WayOutThere
    14 years ago | pl

    This is way too normal! There is nothing wrong with wanting a family instead of building a career. But, don't rush into it! Take your time. Befriend other people who are raising kids, and learn about both the bad and the good. Right now, you are probably just seeing the positive aspects. This is a major commitment that forever changes your life, so you shouldn't make a decision lightly.

    In the mean time, you can still explore adulthood without having kids. Spend time with different men, so that you know what you want. Choose your man wisely, don't just fall in love! And, live with him for a while, before you get married, and certainly before you get pregnant. Don't let your hormones control your life.

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