im a bum who frequently undergoes existential crisis's

I had that too, when I was around your age (except for the fucking). What helped me was deciding to work towards a goal. I found something I wanted to be, skills I wanted to have, and then worked on that. It wasn't easy and at first I failed. Now I'm still not sure it's gonna work out, but at least I have a goal.
If you don't have goals it's like you're playing a game with no objective. Then it doesen't matter how much neat stuff you have at your disposal, because you don't know what to do with it. So you got to make your own epic quest. The goal is not even that important. It's not about the big treasure at the end of an adventure, it's about going on an adventure in the first place. Even if you die along the way, who cares? You died on an epic adventure, how cool is that?
What do you want to learn? Who would you like to be? When people talk about you in ten years, what should they say? "Oh, isn't she the one who ........"

You're young. You have a shitload of possibilities. Go out and chase one.