Im 19, newly married and i have to beg my husband for sexual attention

54% Normal
12 Comments

my name is rachel.im 19 and my husband is 21. i dated my husband for 4 years before he asked to marry me. hes military so we were long distance before marriage. when we got married our wedding night was disappointing. and when we moved into our house we would have sex 3 times a week, never one after another, or twice a day, never out of the bedroom, or at random times during the day. i would greet him home from work in sexy outfits and i would get a huff and an excuse to make me change. i would be on my knees begging to the point of crying for sexual attention. we barely have sex at all. i start it everytime. i feel so ugly. what am i doing wrong? is this normal?

Is It Normal?
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 12 ) Sort: best | oldest
  • pixie_dust
    11 years ago | pl

    i've had that problem b4 too with my bf, and it's been emotional. does he like affection? if you just lay with him in bed and talk aand hug him, how does that go? don't get hung up on worrying about your looks. i'm 95% positive that's not the issue. i'd say, talk to him and give him love and affection, and maybe seek counselling.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    1
    1
      -
    • rachel10
      11 years ago | pl

      hes a cuddler. just i dont think hes comfortable with his sexuallity. weve had many conversations over the subject. but he thinks couciling is for nut jobs.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      Report
      0
      0
        -
      • WestViking
        11 years ago | pl

        Counselling is for anyone who needs it, and I think he does. Something is bothering him and he should try to address the problem, especially since it is a threat to your relationship.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        Report
        0
        0
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
    11 years ago | pl

    You dated the same man from the age of 15.

    Perhaps that's the problem. You've never known anyone else, not as an adult. Even now you're still entitled to full legal adult rights (i.e. you cannot drink).

    However you've already tied the knot so... the next thing to do is live with your choices. I would recommend marriage counseling.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    1
    1
  • lc1988
    11 years ago | pl

    Maybe he's just not "in love" with you anymore.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0
  • c1s3r79
    11 years ago | pl

    If it makes you feel bad about yourself it's really not a good relationship, that doesn't necessarily means you should break up, you have to talk directly of the problem in order to fix it.
    Marriage counseling (from an expert like a psychologist or a sexologist) is also a very good option, just don't think the problem is going to go away, fix itself or simply give up, that's never the answer.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0
  • pem24
    11 years ago | pl

    Hmm... that's bad. Maybe have your own separate room and when you're satisfying yourself, let him overhear your moan. If he didn't react, it may indicate that he doesn't care for your sexual needs.
    To feel ugly when things like this happen is normal but to feel it in a long run is abnormal.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0
      -
    • rachel10
      11 years ago | pl

      the thing is if hes horny, he'll ask for head and then if i say why not just sex he says fine but ill just lay there. i dont want to have sex with a limp body. and if i give him head and ask for a little something myself im selfish and he takes a rain check which he never cashes

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      Report
      0
      0
        -
      • pem24
        11 years ago | pl

        Oh my.. is he like that all the time? If this issue can't be straighten through a one-on-one talk, sad to say but maybe he's not sexually attracted with you anymore or there might be some psychological stress inflicted since you said he was a military.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        Report
        0
        0
          -
        • rachel10
          11 years ago | pl

          since ive had the chat so many times with him and he cares for about a week and then goes back to same old same old. ive told him that he has 6 months. i love him so very much but im only 19, i shouldnt have to stay in a loveless marriage already.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          Report
          0
          0
            -
          • pem24
            11 years ago | pl

            Well, its up to him to change 'coz he owns his mind, and his brain will never be yours. You may have the wish to control the situation but it won't work the way you want it if he's uncooperative. It takes two to tango, right?
            Remember that exchange of "I do" is a commitment, unless you did it because of an arranged agreement. If you fear you've ended in a loveless marriage, its because your expectations were not met. Sex is part of marriage but accepting one another is way more loving, IMHO.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            Report
            0
            0
  • Gelmurag
    11 years ago | pl

    This is a pretty common theme here. Girl has problem about boy. Boy has problem about girl. Instead of talking about it, they come here. They get angry when people say to divorce/break up, when they themselves should understand thats a very real solution. If your not happy, something is wrong. If he/she refuses to talk about it, move on to find someone who does make you happy. Simple.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    Report
    0
    0