Is it normal wanting to escape even if i'm not with my parents?
I mean i'm at college (it's private so they pay a lot) and living 4 hrs away from them but they pay for everything and that kind of makes me like being in debt with them.
But the thing is i've been struggling with standing them because they (or at least my dad, who influenciates my mother, who is also affected by him but seems like she has no other option)
are / is too controlling.
Yet, he doesn't use physical harm. He just uses manipulation; threatens us, yells at us, and the most extreme thing i've been witness of has been that he made a fukin hole on a fukin door while arguing with my mom about nonsense while being drunk; she locked herself in another room and he just went and make a hole TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT HER. this happened last week while I was on summer vacation (I took a summer course in order to stay away from them at least for some time)
It makes me feel it's not a big deal, but it makes me depressed. Like i'm not free at all and never will get out of this situation if I keep being submissive. but I CAN'T HELP FEELING LIKE I'M OVERREACTING??
My mother being passive has been a factor for me and my siblings to grow up like if we all were his subordinates; agreeing to all he says in some way.
We can't say, for example, that I want to stay home and not go on vacation, or go somewhere he "proposes" me to go to. If I do, I would be questioned things like, "what are you going to do here instead?, why are you so apathetic?" things like that meaning he's not happy with it and somehow that makes me feel bad enough to just agree and do whatever he wants.
On the other hand there's my boyfriend who encourages me to go live with him and shit, but I don't really want to. I'd rather go by myself and I also feel like going with him will just make me be in the same situation I'm now with my dad but a little different, i'm just tired of depending on someone else
Also I don't want to hurt my mother but sometimes she gets on his side
When I get to argue with my father I end up crying and it's such an emotional fatigue to be with him
I don't know what to do anymore, I can't stop thinking and worrying about it
help
sorry for the long post
TL,DR: my dad abuses psychologycally of me and my family; i kinda feel in debt with him; i want to escape