Is it normal to use a guy to find yourself?

My recent ex inspires me a lot to be better and more valuable. However, lacking a few qualities kind of prevented my relationship with him to blossom to its full potential. It's weird because I used to be so confident until I met him. Even my older ex told me I'm someone who can guide him, he mentioned how much I helped him improve his life and I'm like, why couldn't I do that with last bf? A few thing to consider-he was independent, smart, and confident where as to my older ex didn't even have a job yet, he was smart but not confident. My last ex though did intimidate me so I felt like there was nothing I can offer him when he came off like he knew everything already. It was hard for me to help him out or guide him when he seemed like he had it all together already. However, I do think he would wish he had someone to help and offer him something valuable but I wasn't the right person to do that since he knew more than I did. So he just overall makes me want to be more valuable, and a better of myself. Even though we're not together, I do hope he sees how much I've grown and he can possibly want to get back with me but at the same time, I'm kind of using him to be better even if hes not with me. Thinking about him in situations, makes me think twice and wanna do better.