Is it normal to suppress sad emotions
I dislike showing sad emotions, I feel embarrassed or childish afterwards. Not so my family, but when I was in school I was taught that crying is a sign of weakness. Whenever I was sad, a staff member would say to stop crying. For example:
One day in 2nd grade, my teacher gathered us up and was about to read to us. She told everyone that if they made a noise, she would put them in detention. Yeah that's right A SINGLE NOISE! Anyways, she was reading and I had a huge stomachache. What did I do? Yep, I made a noise and was sent to detention! I was crying while solving difficult math problems. Then she asked who's coat was on the ground? Someone responded saying it was my coat. She demanded me to hang it back up and to stop crying like a baby. Please note that I have Autism and it was just improving at the time.
There's other instances in which I was told to stop crying, but it was that day that sealed it all. The one who scolded me for making mistakes and feeling such emotions.............. well it's my subconscious. My subconscious was like that authoritative parent. Criticizing me for the simplist things, especially if I started to show any kind of sadness. It would tell me to punch the sadness and to keep punching it until it was gone. I showed more anger and frustration than tears.
However, now I'm learning to embrace the sadness. I'm still not crying, but picturing myself hugging my sadness saying it's ok to feel this way.
By the way, if you thought I was a man, NOPE! I'm a woman and a girl who was raised with toxic masculinity